tiki Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Okay my four year old HATED soccer. He played the first game and picked up the ball and literally threw it into the goal with his HANDS. Everyone laughed, it was so cute. But he seriously began to hate the organized sport. He cried and whined about having to play. We were about a month into the season. He cried during his pictures, the team pics and everything. We blew about $100.00. Even the coach was fed up. My son just stood there. And stared. We made him continue to try for the month to see if he'd warm up to it. He still hated it. He won't play at all. We let him quit. I hope it doesn't ruin him from soccer totally. When we told him he didn't have to play anymore he was soooo happy. I just hope I haven't open up a door to show my son that you can "just quit". But you can't MAKE him play. I haven't seen my son this thrilled in a long time. I just hope I haven't taught him that quitting is okay.
Adunaphel Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Is there any other sport that he would like to try instead of soccer? Has he ever mentioned to you that there is a different sport he'd like to try? I think you made a wise choice - I wish my parents had allowed me to quit swimming classes when I was 7.
Merin Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 He tried it for awhile, and found it just wasn't his thing.. I think that's okay. He did try right.. who knows maybe later he will want to try it again but for now, he put fourth the effort it didn't pan out.. so I don't think it tells him it's okay to quit, but it tells him that it's okay not to persue something your not passionate about.
Author tiki Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 He's just so dern young. He ONLY just turned four in July! My family has a strong soccer background, so they REALLY pushed for soccer. Ya know, your kids never end up doing what you want them to do. My fiance's ex wife was always a cheerleader. She told him that she wanted their daughter to cheer, that the other sports were for dykes. Their 6 yr old daughter HATES cheerleading and now wants to play soccer. She has played one season of softball too. But anyway, I thin kat four, it may be too organized, or he just may hate soccer. And he's at the beginning of four. And I don't want to ruin the sport for him entirely, I hope he will carry an interest in it as he gets older. Ya know, I once made him try brocolli, he hates that sh*t. And he still asks if we're having brocolli for dinner all the time. I made him HATE it. I told him he doesn't have to eat it ever again, but I wanted him to try it. But the bottom line was that I forced it on him and he'll probably hate brocolli forever. Maybe he'll warm back up to soccer? Thanks for your kind words.
Merin Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by tikibrandy He's just so dern young. He ONLY just turned four in July! My family has a strong soccer background, so they REALLY pushed for soccer. Ya know, your kids never end up doing what you want them to do. My fiance's ex wife was always a cheerleader. She told him that she wanted their daughter to cheer, that the other sports were for dykes. Their 6 yr old daughter HATES cheerleading and now wants to play soccer. She has played one season of softball too. But anyway, I thin kat four, it may be too organized, or he just may hate soccer. And he's at the beginning of four. And I don't want to ruin the sport for him entirely, I hope he will carry an interest in it as he gets older. Ya know, I once made him try brocolli, he hates that sh*t. And he still asks if we're having brocolli for dinner all the time. I made him HATE it. I told him he doesn't have to eat it ever again, but I wanted him to try it. But the bottom line was that I forced it on him and he'll probably hate brocolli forever. Maybe he'll warm back up to soccer? Thanks for your kind words. LOL you know what? My parents MADE me eat Brocolli when I was little.. and I swear I made a vow when I was 3 years old that when I got bigger I wasn't eating that crap no matter what happened! Guess what.. to this very day, I HATE even the smell of Brocolli, it makes me feel sick to my stomach AND I won't eat it no matter what My mom was into that when I was little.. you know she made me eat so many things I didn't like.. so I don't do that with my little people.. it's sad I know! But because I don't like certain things like brocolli (eww!) I don't keep them from trying it (LOL you know when we are chillin at my moms) but I don't make them eat it either if they don't like it. Your little man is still so young (my littlest person is the same age as your son) and he may come around when he is older;)
She's Come Undone Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Lima beans and corn! My brother and I would eat all the corn, leaving the NASTY *SS limas. We weren't allowed to leave the table until they were gone. We sat there many times for a LONG time. I will never have them in my house. Or beets!
faux Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 What you did to your son was not teaching him that it is OK to quit. You were forcing him into doing something he obviously HATED from the very first day. He was subjected to embarrassment, probably lonliness, and a sense of overwhelming frustration! Why did you keep him in there for so long when he could not stand it? I feel bad for him! Hopefully you can discover things your son really wants to do, and encourage him to go through with those things. Making your children do things they do not want to do, and not letting them leave those activities when they become uncomfortable, is horrible. I know you did not think anything of this, but imagine what it must have been like for your son. Imagine if you sent him off to a sleep-away summer camp, and he hated it, and every time he saw you he bawled his eyes out, wanting to come home. Would you again make him suffer through that as well? It is true that your son is young, but he is human and has feelings. He knows what he does not like, and being forced to do those types of things will upset him. I am sure there is at least one thing your son is going to excel in and love, and make your entire family proud. It may be too early to find out just yet. Keep trying to get him involved in activities, but pay attention to his reactions. If he does not like something, that would be a good sign to pull him out, and try something else.
Author tiki Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 So faux, you're saying I should've left after the first practice, down $100.00, for HIS happiness? And with church? I should've NOT made him go (he grew very fond of it)? And with pre-school (he grew fond of that too)?
Author tiki Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 And my son didn't BAWL...just for the record. He cried and whined when it came to having to participate. It's not like he did nothing but BAWL his eyes out.
kellydontwanttasleep Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 my mom and dad made me do martial arts since i was 5 and i hated it. i keeped thinking when i get older i'll never do this anymore. now it's the center of my life and i'm so happy they forced me to do it, even when i broke my nose, wrist, and 2 ribs sparing
Adunaphel Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 On a side note, anyone out there that *likes* broccoli?
quankanne Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 broccoli's all right -- I'll eat it raw or steamed, but only the fresh stuff, not the frozen. Bless her heart, my mother used to cook vegetables to death and they were bland, too, so I grew up hating to eat anything but salads and corn. the mother of my first boyfriend was an old-fashioned country cook, and she could do wonders with anything she prepared, and got me hooked on eating vegetables by encouraging me to try just a spoonful to see if I liked this one or that. I still don't do asparagus or peas or cauliflower, or even peppers, but I'll eat most nearly everything else. But only if it's fresh, not frozen! You'd be amazed at the difference in taste when it comes to food preparation, even between store-bought and homegrown (like tomatoes)! Wolfgang Puck made a good point in his autobiography: he wrote about how when his daughter was small, they'd put different foods in front of her then let her develop her own taste. If she didn't like something, they didn't make a big deal of it, just kept putting it on the table for THEM to eat, and soon enough, she started eating those foods, too! But, he said, the key is to not make a fuss, otherwise the kid will, too. Smart man! back to Tiki's original question: is she encouraging her son to quit? No, not really, because at four, you're not well equipped to make those kinds of decisions. You just know that you're having fun with other little kids. My guess is that somewhere along the way, something happened to spoil his positive outlook of soccer (mind you, this is a "fun" thing, not a sport, at this stage), and he reacted accordingly. I'm sure that as he gets older, he'll rediscover it and willingly participate in the sport. in the meantime, encourage his interest in an array of things -- and don't worry if it seems fleeting. He's still a little guy and there's so many interesting things to discover!
Merin Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by faux What you did to your son was not teaching him that it is OK to quit. You were forcing him into doing something he obviously HATED from the very first day. He was subjected to embarrassment, probably lonliness, and a sense of overwhelming frustration! Why did you keep him in there for so long when he could not stand it? I feel bad for him! Hopefully you can discover things your son really wants to do, and encourage him to go through with those things. Making your children do things they do not want to do, and not letting them leave those activities when they become uncomfortable, is horrible. I know you did not think anything of this, but imagine what it must have been like for your son. Imagine if you sent him off to a sleep-away summer camp, and he hated it, and every time he saw you he bawled his eyes out, wanting to come home. Would you again make him suffer through that as well? It is true that your son is young, but he is human and has feelings. He knows what he does not like, and being forced to do those types of things will upset him. I am sure there is at least one thing your son is going to excel in and love, and make your entire family proud. It may be too early to find out just yet. Keep trying to get him involved in activities, but pay attention to his reactions. If he does not like something, that would be a good sign to pull him out, and try something else. Faux, I think you're really getting carried away. I have 2 little people myself my youngest is the same age as Brandy's. I can tell you that I have to work with her A LOT on A B C Flashcards and she doesn't always love to do it.. but it is in her best interest because she needs this skill. My oldest daughter is a perfectionist.. she is 7. She is very very good at art.. but because of her perfectionist ways, she would often (and sometimes still does) get upset and want to quit out of frustration of something not being "perfect" There are many things that little people simply will not have an interest in, and I think Brandy more than understands that regarding her son, which is why she DID take him out of soccer at this time.. however she also wants to make sure she hasn't given him the message that it's okay to quit or be a "bad sport" and there isn't anything wrong with that either.. I didn't get from her thread that she was FORCING him to continue to do something that he doesn't want to do, and I certainly don't believe this has damaged her son in anyway! I don't believe you have any children? You will find if or when you do, that you do need to encourage your kiddos to try new things and give them a chance to find out if they do or do not like something, instead of throwing your hands in the air on the first attempt and declaring "Well he doesn't like it!"
Author tiki Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 Thanks, Merin. I take into consideration that most of his responses are off base. That one was too. The only thing I'm really concerned with now, is that he may want to continue to quit everything. Last night when I tucked him in he asked me where we were going tomorrow (he always asks this even though he gets the same answer nightly). I told him we were going to Nanny's (my mom watches him while I'm at work). He asked about school and I said no school this week, you are on break. He asked about soccer. I said no more playing soccer on a team, no more practice, no more games. He asked about church...he said no more church? I said WRONG! He is four. He simply wants to do what HE wants to do. Which is to dig in the dirt, ride his four-wheeler and bike, and play. He'd probably quit school AND church if he could. But he can't. And just because he doesn't "like it" doesn't mean he get to stop doing it. I make the rules in my home, not my four year old.
Merin Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by tikibrandy Thanks, Merin. I take into consideration that most of his responses are off base. That one was too. The only thing I'm really concerned with now, is that he may want to continue to quit everything. Last night when I tucked him in he asked me where we were going tomorrow (he always asks this even though he gets the same answer nightly). I told him we were going to Nanny's (my mom watches him while I'm at work). He asked about school and I said no school this week, you are on break. He asked about soccer. I said no more playing soccer on a team, no more practice, no more games. He asked about church...he said no more church? I said WRONG! He is four. He simply wants to do what HE wants to do. Which is to dig in the dirt, ride his four-wheeler and bike, and play. He'd probably quit school AND church if he could. But he can't. And just because he doesn't "like it" doesn't mean he get to stop doing it. I make the rules in my home, not my four year old. I couldn't agree more regarding your last sentence.. Don't stress over this.. my little person is the same way with her line of questions He will grow into things as they come and you are right in making choices for him based upon what is in his best interest. My kiddo (4 year old) would eat nothing but pizza every day for breakfast lunch and dinner.. but you know, LOL it's not going to happen! Not to mention the fact that she often tells me she "doesn't like" whatever it is that is for dinner EVEN IF SHES NEVER TRIED IT. That is part of being her, and part of being a kid;)
CurlyIam Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 I agree about schoolan church. I have no kids, but I remember that choosing a favourite sport is different. I think that: a. the kid must show a skill in it b. he must show a general affection towards playing that game or sport. When I was 3 and a half my mom made me take ballet classes. Apparently Iwas really good at it, had lots of performances when I was very little. Did I like it? did I have the time to enjoy it, between all the contests and the shows ? Not really. Did I enjoy my medals and my prizes? God, no, I simply loved to dance. It was a killer for a 8 years old to go practice practice practice (I was getting into national contests at the time). Had I had less pressure, had my parents not make me go to all the freaking contest in the country, I think I would have become a professional dancer. What I have right now are some horrible memories of my childhood, but oddly enough, a true passion for dance and for music. It's very hard for some kids to take the pressure and the competition. Look at me. I hated it, I think, but it never occured to me to tell my mom to stop. I think it's great that your kid did this. HE's got a strong personality and he's showing it. That is great. It means that also now you're dissapointed and worried, you will find something (Together) that he'll like. I've always found it was easier to obey rules when youdo something that you like. I think your kid may actually like soccer. It's the attention and the pressure I think he dislikes. Give him time to ajust to things, to rules, to games, to the company. Anyway, just my 2 cents on it,also I have been 4 a loooooooooong long time ago. Curly P.S. Don't be so harsh on Faux. I think he ment well. Sympathised more with your kid than with the concerned parent on the board, but hey, that's quite sweet, come to think of it.
Merin Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 (quote)P.S. Don't be so harsh on Faux. I think he ment well. Sympathised more with your kid than with the concerned parent on the board, but hey, that's quite sweet, come to think of it.(QUOTE) I don't think I was harsh on Faux. I don't agree with his perspective on what Brandy was saying.. and I don't believe Brandy was looking for sympathy, she was looking for thoughts or opinions on the message she had potentially given her son in allowing him to not continue with soccer. Faux is entitled to his opinion. I still believe that until you've walked in someone shoe's sometimes it is very easy to say what YOU would do or what the "right" thing to do is.
Author tiki Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 Well thanks to all of you guys for your replies. Hopefully my son will continue to be a happy boy playing soccer out in the back yard.
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