2bpositive Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 hi all...new to site... came on to talk to others in my situation because i'm at my wits end. trying to establish separation agreement with ex husband, but ex is trying to make it hard on me. doesn't want to sign. anyway, spoke to him last night and tried to talk about kids, but in the midst of conversation all he could do was bash me verbally about my new boyfriend and how much of a bad mother i am...that i'm a loser etc...i told him flat out that i wasn't interested in what he thought of me and i only wanted to talk about kids. i think he's finally getting it, but the name calling is wearing. have any of you experienced this, and does it at any point subside? it's as though he can't put his hatred and emotions aside to focus on the important thing...the kids. very frustrating!
hayewils Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 in my opinion, as a father who has been through a divorce involving children, I know it is very hard to deal with. The children are the ones who suffer the most. My kids showed the signs of a bitter divorce still to today.The youngest one who is 16 seems to be the one who dealt with it the best. Anyway, times like these are hard, he is very upset at what has happened and he will blame you. If you can, I think you should just let him be for a couple weeks. Dont pressure him on signing anything right now. Its only going to anger him and make him an angrier person Then he isnt going to be any fun around the kids and he is only going to question them or make their visit with him not very pleasing. I dont know how soon it has been since you left him or what the story is on that, or how old the children are.. I would just let him be for a little while and let him cool down, and not contact him unless absolutly necessary. There isnt any real rush to sign anything is there? I would just let him be and then contact him in a week or so and see how he is. If he starts in giving you a hard time, just simply tell him you will try back in another week to see if he is calm enough to discuss Theres no need for him to bash you, hes angry. 1
marqueemoon4 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Umm.. you don't even have a separation agreement in place and you already have a new bf? And you can't understand why he might be upset? 6
carhill Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 (edited) The solution is to enact LC and have no contact other than regarding the children and even utilize third parties (a grandparent would be on example) when exchanging physical custody. If he won't sign anything, your lawyer will know what to do. There's always a legal recourse. IME, people do what they do. The work is to get them to zero, meaning their existence doesn't matter anymore. That takes time. If you find the process to become emotionally debilitating, seek out professional guidance to process what you're feeling. ETA, in my demographic, it's very common for women to have boyfriends long before the divorce is final and it generally occurs shortly after the 'official' split happens. Perhaps the OP lives in a similar dynamic. IMO, once the couple splits up, what they do with others is none of the other partner's business. In my case, I continued to live alone. My exW, as is common around here, had a new man living with her before we were divorced. It's hard to care less than someone who's being abusive. My sympathies. Welcome to LS Edited June 2, 2013 by carhill Added boyfriend part 1
TroyNJ Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Umm.. you don't even have a separation agreement in place and you already have a new bf? And you can't understand why he might be upset? What he said! This same thing happened to me and yes I was pissed, called her every name in the book and she damn sure deserved it!
imtooconfused Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Umm.. you don't even have a separation agreement in place and you already have a new bf? Pardon me for hi-jacking this thread for my own question. But is a "separation agreement" a legal (i.e. Court) agreement? In my state, I was under the impression that a "legal separation" was in lieu of divorce, meaning it was one or the other.
marqueemoon4 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 What he said! This same thing happened to me and yes I was pissed, called her every name in the book and she damn sure deserved it! What up Troy? Hope you are well. Not to pass judgement on OP, but some people are incapable of understanding the idea of CAUSE AND EFFECT. It's pretty frightening, honestly.
TroyNJ Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 What up Troy? Hope you are well. Not to pass judgement on OP, but some people are incapable of understanding the idea of CAUSE AND EFFECT. It's pretty frightening, honestly. I'm doing fair, still have bad days. Hope your doing well.....I'm not passing judgement on the OP either but some have no clue how this type of thing causes long lasting mental anguish. We both know because we lived it.
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Have you had a talk with your kids about you dating? How do they feel about it? Cheating and new BFs\Gfs are one of the toughest things to deal with for exspouses and children alike. Are you sure you should be in a rebound relationship? Did you start seeing the BF before you got divorced? Putting the father of your children, and your children through this without some backlash is a LOT to expect. All that said, if he were a *perfect*...almost inhumanly imperfect...man he would be able to weather what is going on without displays of anger. Sigh....yeah...you should try to only communicate about the kids. Other than that, no real advice. It's a tough situation brought on by bad decisions. I guess you'll have to deal as best as you can.
marqueemoon4 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 All very valid questions Ninja.. have a feeling OP isn't coming back.
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