Kevin71 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I'll try to keep this short (I'm sure that is a common phrase on these forums ) Me and my girlfriend dated 3.5 years in college.. And spent the first half a year flirting. She is going off to Grad School, I am doing my own thing and while her grad school happened to be in a city I had been wanting to go to (Still might.. we'll see) we agreed that we should break it off. For multiple reason, one of which is that we have only dated each other and we relied on each other too much. Another is that we both determined the only reason we were really still together our last semester was because of familiarity and sex. So the break-up happened. It was fine. But now, she is seeing another guy who she has had a crush on since before we officially broke up (But after we agreed we were going to). This is the part that hurts me. Staying friends would not have been an issue but the fact she jumped from a long term relationship to a summer no-strings attached fling in about two weeks hurt me a bit. We've talked a little and I have told her we can talk as friends and I can be a supportive ear if she needs it. Did I just stroke her ego by making her think everything is alright and it wasn't a bit of a messed up move? I told her I haven't forgiven her for something so trashy. Or is this me overthinking? I recently moved back home to do my student teaching starting August and outside of work and the gym I don't really do anything and only have one true friend down here so could this just be me being a bit jealous that she is having fun post me and I am still struggling to "find myself"? Any responses are greatly appreciated. I subscribed to the thread with instant e-mail notification so all responses will be read
Chi townD Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I'm a little confused, did you bring this up to her? That her seeing someone else immediately after you was a douchey thing to do? If so, what did she say about it? I hate to say it but, I think the break up wasn't as mutual as you think it was. I think that she had her sites on this guy and convinced you that a "mutual break up" was the right thing for the both of you. Because, lets face it. She never mourned the loss of you. She never mourned the loss of the relationship at all. She had NO PROBLEM jumping in head first with this other guy. The same guy that you admitted she had a crush on WHILE she was still in a relationship with you. Did she think that little of you? Did she even consider how much pain that would cause if you were to find out? Nope! You were the LAST thing on her mind. Pretty selfish if you ask me. You are not her friend. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her only to take a step back and be nothing more than a really good friend to her. Time to start no contact. She wanted this break up, she got it. Either she gets 100% of you or nothing at all. She needs to know what life is going to be like without you in it. So, you need to block her on Facebook. Ignore all of her texts and emails. Let all calls go to voicemail. I mean, why would she need to contact you anyway? She's got a new man now, right? Start NC. Time to heal and move on! 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Well, I am not trying to be mean, but you really do sound pretty jealous. I mean, you guys are broken up, why can't she date and see whoever she wants? Why would you even need to "forgive" her? I think that these scenarios and emotions are a result of trying to be friends too soon. Even though it seems like the two of you had a pretty amicable break up, you both will still need some time to sort through feelings before a friendship won't be totally awkward. Even though you might disagree with me about being friends, you could just try taking some space for a few weeks and see if it gives you some new perspective. 1
Author Kevin71 Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 I'm a little confused, did you bring this up to her? That her seeing someone else immediately after you was a douchey thing to do? If so, what did she say about it? I hate to say it but, I think the break up wasn't as mutual as you think it was. I think that she had her sites on this guy and convinced you that a "mutual break up" was the right thing for the both of you. Because, lets face it. She never mourned the loss of you. She never mourned the loss of the relationship at all. She had NO PROBLEM jumping in head first with this other guy. The same guy that you admitted she had a crush on WHILE she was still in a relationship with you. Did she think that little of you? Did she even consider how much pain that would cause if you were to find out? Nope! You were the LAST thing on her mind. Pretty selfish if you ask me. You are not her friend. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her only to take a step back and be nothing more than a really good friend to her. Time to start no contact. She wanted this break up, she got it. Either she gets 100% of you or nothing at all. She needs to know what life is going to be like without you in it. So, you need to block her on Facebook. Ignore all of her texts and emails. Let all calls go to voicemail. I mean, why would she need to contact you anyway? She's got a new man now, right? Start NC. Time to heal and move on! I did bring this up. She brought on the point that we both agreed that we needed to meet and date other people. I still agree on this point, it just caught me off guard with her being in a relationship so quickly. I know this all sounds stupid/silly, but that is one reason I came here. Get new prospectives and ideas and at the very worst think a bit. Well, I am not trying to be mean, but you really do sound pretty jealous. I mean, you guys are broken up, why can't she date and see whoever she wants? Why would you even need to "forgive" her? I think that these scenarios and emotions are a result of trying to be friends too soon. Even though it seems like the two of you had a pretty amicable break up, you both will still need some time to sort through feelings before a friendship won't be totally awkward. Even though you might disagree with me about being friends, you could just try taking some space for a few weeks and see if it gives you some new perspective. No doubt I am being jealous, which is catching me off guard because I have never been a jealous person.
Author Kevin71 Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 1. You can't be "friends" with someone you once dated and still have romantic feelings for. 2. What do you get out of being her "friend"? What's in it for you? 3. You do realize once she is "with" another guy... You are no longer going to be her "friend", right? 4. If you ever want to date this girl again being her "friend" is that last thing you ever want to do. It isn't like what you see in the movies. No man who has ever walked the face of the earth has ever been successful with this "approach". 1. I don't have romantic feelings for her anymore. 2. I guess this gets into the fact that I am short on friends at the moment :/ 3. This one is harder to accept 4. I don't want to date her again. I did at one point but have since realized that a couple of my mandatory requirements she did not fit Sorry, I am being difficult. I am over her but I guess if anything jealous. I really appreciate the help so far everyone.
Chi townD Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 1. I don't have romantic feelings for her anymore. 2. I guess this gets into the fact that I am short on friends at the moment :/ 3. This one is harder to accept 4. I don't want to date her again. I did at one point but have since realized that a couple of my mandatory requirements she did not fit Sorry, I am being difficult. I am over her but I guess if anything jealous. I really appreciate the help so far everyone. SO, if you truly feel that way about ALL of your bullet points in the above quote, then why are you even here? Everything should be right as rain with you. I have a feeling that this is bothering you or else you wouldn't have found this website. Dude, she wanted you replaced and you agreed to it. She didn't "meet" this guy. She already was interested in him and I speculate that she was working on him and when he finally expressed interest, she kicked you to the curb. If anything, I would be extremely pissed about that. She used you until she "found someone better".
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