ddlovexx Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 (edited) Hey LS crew, So... long story short- over a year ago I became involved (FWB) with an older guy, we'll call him T. I wound up falling in love with him (don't say it, I know) and it was a struggle but I had to let that go because it wasn't what he wanted. He's made it clear he doesn't see a future. I started dating my ex who was the only guy who made me forget about T for the most part. When I was having trouble in my relationship, T and I became very good friends. I loved it because I really treasured the talks and his friendship, we always had fun together and it was light-hearted. He would tell me things he could never tell other people really because we had a lot in common and had gone through some of the same things. And when I was down and out he always made me feel better, always told me how much of a prize I was as girlfriend material, etc. Well after I broke up with my ex and was having a hard time, he was there for me (duh, you know how that goes) and now he's done a complete 180 and has become a huge dick. Last night me and my best friend went out to see their band like we always do, and he was just mean. I can't really explain it but he has just been mean lately and for no reason. He'll say rude things which he never used to do... I told him last night I was lost trying to get to the train and he was like "you're a mess. peace." I called him out on it and we got into a tiff (texting) and I said I didn't have feelings for him anymore (eh a lie a little) but I didn't appreciate him being a dick to me. It just got weird and by the end of the convo I was left feeling really ****ty. The last thing I said was "You know I was going through a rough time and you said you were there. I don't want anything more than your friendship, if you think it was more than that I'm sorry." and he never responded which made me feel worse. I really treasured what we had going and I don't understand why all of a sudden he's being a dick. He's 33 years old for god's sake... and not for nothing, shouldn't you be nice to the girl you have in your bed once in a while, even if it's only for that? I know you can't lose what you've never had, but I'm really down about it. I just don't get it. Lately every guy in my life just treats me like **** and I have to cut ties. Why do I get caught up with people that just don't give a ****? I guess guys really do only want what they can't have. It's left me feeling worthless, like I'll never be good enough for anyone and I hate it. I feel so lousy. Edited June 2, 2013 by ddlovexx
Author ddlovexx Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 He apologized and I feel better... how lame am I???
tinker683 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 I feel like their is a piece of the story missing here...Did something happen that might have precipitated his actions?
Author ddlovexx Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 No... He's just told me he runs when he gets close to a girl. But I've told him I want nothing more than friendship. It seems to be a cycle... He's a great friend and we have sex here and there and then one day he snaps. And I call him out on being a dick and then he apologizes. I don't know. I know we can't ever be anything... Just don't like when he does a 180 on me.
Eggplant Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 You're wasting too much emotional energy on him. I'd reconsider the FWB. Why settle for that when you can have the whole package with somebody else? Is he really so great?
devo584 Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 i'm sorry for what you're going through, some people can be more of a roller coaster than they need to be. it sounds like you may need to just ditch this one, if he can't decide what he wants, then he doesn't deserve you at all. after 2 1/2 years of being loved, cheated on, loved, cheated on, and loved all over again, i realize that some people just aren't worth it. i forgave her because i knew that she had the ability to change, i still believe that she can, but not till she grows up. maybe that's his issue? does he act like a bit of a child sometimes? i apologize if i'm way off on this, but it just sounds like he may not be a man. when it comes to love, you want men/women, not boys/girls. i'm absolutly broken about what has happened to me, but i realize that the age group i'm with, are too immature for me (even though they may be a bit older) i hope you're doin good! and i hope i don't sound like a blithering idiot if you need someone to talk to don't hesitate to message someone, if they don't want to help then they may not deserve you either!
kaynizzle Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Just want to ask a few questions to get a better idea of what's happening. Sorry if you don't want to hear from a "newbie" here, but I'll give it my best shot. First off, one of the only reasons people do 180s like this is that they have conflicting thoughts and ideals. Do you think your friendship with him, especially the fact that it's FWB is making him feel like what you have is more than what it is? Maybe he feels like the closer you are getting to him, the more he feels like it's a relationship, and when things get too close, he does a 180 and acts like a dick to you to drive you away. But he does value your friendship, by the looks of it. You say he apologizes after you call him out on it, so it seems like he still wants you in your life, but just not as close as you have been with him. Basically, it sounds like your idea of friendship is different than his. Do you think this might be the case?
carhill Posted June 3, 2013 Posted June 3, 2013 Sounds unstable or an issue with attachment. Any substance use/abuse?
Author ddlovexx Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Just want to ask a few questions to get a better idea of what's happening. Sorry if you don't want to hear from a "newbie" here, but I'll give it my best shot. First off, one of the only reasons people do 180s like this is that they have conflicting thoughts and ideals. Do you think your friendship with him, especially the fact that it's FWB is making him feel like what you have is more than what it is? Maybe he feels like the closer you are getting to him, the more he feels like it's a relationship, and when things get too close, he does a 180 and acts like a dick to you to drive you away. But he does value your friendship, by the looks of it. You say he apologizes after you call him out on it, so it seems like he still wants you in your life, but just not as close as you have been with him. Basically, it sounds like your idea of friendship is different than his. Do you think this might be the case? You made good points. After a while he starts to think it's more and I have to take a break from him and reassure him it's not. I only see him once every two weeks, if that... so it's all in his head as he's told me before. You're spot on with him being a dick to drive me away.. but when I call him out on it he apologizes because there's no reason for it. We spoke and I told him all I want is his friendship and he said sorry, that he gets scared when girls care about him. I told him I'm always gonna care but I don't want anything from him. It's all okay I think. One time he told me he might have feelings for me but he doesn't see himself with me, and as much as that hurt, I know that means the ship has sailed so I suppress my feelings for him. I think we just have a weird cycle because he's scared of how close we can be at times (lots of late night talks) and how much I know about him. Also... substance abuse!? No way.
Recommended Posts