Some days I just feel humiliated by my ex

[maturityassets]

Some days I'm more angry at myself than my actual Ex. I let her walk all over me from the night of the break up on. I only stood in contact with her after the break up because of the stuff I had to pick up. In that time she exposed herself to be the selfish, lying, jealous, easily manipulated, lack any sort of integrity, immature, low self esteemed, and self destructing girl that she really is. She was only really semi-sweet, she thought still giving me my birthday gift after breaking up would show she was a nice person, but her nasty FB statuses, her lying, and her selfishness to see if we could spark again in 2 hours or so on her stoop was only to quell the nagging from everybody in her life who was telling her she is making a huge mistake. Just the last time we talked before going NC she made me apologize for talking to our friend (her best friend, but a pretty good friend of mine, who convinced me to go out with my ex) because I asked our friend whether some of the things (included other guys before our break up) my ex did were true. So my ex only found out because our friend had no clue about any of this and my ex had even lied to her about some of the things she did to avoid looking bad and so our friend ended up asking another one of their friends if she knew anything, and of course she went running to my ex. In the end I ended up being the good guy, apologizing because R (my ex) has so little confidence that her best friend would stick around for her that R was actually scared that what I said would ruin her friendship with our friend. When if she knew the truth I told our friend not to view R (my ex) any differently because of what I ask. I even told our friend not to confront anything with R right after my conversation with R, so it could all stay buried between the two. Just some days I feel humiliated by all of this. I was the one with integrity before and after our relationship. Admitted my faults and stood true to my word, I even stood strong on our love and would have accepted her back if she actually did a serious attempt at seeing if we could spark by proposing to start from scratch and not some time on her stoop. I didn't apologize for the sake of her or the sake of being nice but for the sake of being mature. Feel like I invested myself into someone who was only honest when it was convenient for her. Who pretends to be mad now but still says things like I was the perfect boyfriend, who decides to post nasty things about me and then decides to friend request with me on FB (which i ignored). Some days I just wish I can lecture her and tell her why i can't be friends with someone like her because I'm someone who believes that our actions, intentions, and who we surround ourselves with defines who we are. And to be honest the only mature friend she has is our mutual friend who I really thanked for being neutral in all of this before we stopped talking, everyone else was pretty immature and did some despicable things. Just so disappointed that she didn't end up being someone I thought I knew.