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She lied to me, cheated on me, and left me for the guy she cheated on me with

aras

By aras
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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What I can't figure out is why would you want to be friends with someone who treated you this way? I would get a dictionary out and lookup the meaning of the term 'friend'.

 

"Hey Aras, I cheated on you, told you about my deception via text, told you I never really loved you, that I wasn't feeling guilty, screamed crappy things at you..............

 

Hey you want be be friends?"..

 

Your reply was something like "of course let's be friends"!!??!?

 

What you should have said "go F&&%^ yourself average ho, I deserve better in a 'friend'.

 

She will be back. Cause it's all about her. If she truly cared for you, she would leave you in peace. Just keep ignorning and learn the meaning of self worth. Any man worth his salt wouldn't remotely consider being a 'friend' to this piece of thrash..No matter who or what was in the past.

 

Oh and happy birthday.......

 

Just wanted to chime in and point out this is very good advice. Something similar happened to me and I am trying to have some self respect and completely shut my ex out from my life, which is what I have been doing.

 

OP, keep doing what you are doing and don't let her back in- she sounds very similar to my ex and trust me, I gave in to the "friends" bs for over two years. Didn't get me anywhere and I'm stuck in the same position as two years ago when I could have started moving forward then. Do yourself a favor and realize you can do better; sounds like you are a good person, much better than her.

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aras Member

aras

Posted
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Posted
What I can't figure out is why would you want to be friends with someone who treated you this way? I would get a dictionary out and lookup the meaning of the term 'friend'.

 

"Hey Aras, I cheated on you, told you about my deception via text, told you I never really loved you, that I wasn't feeling guilty, screamed crappy things at you..............

 

Hey you want be be friends?"..

 

Your reply was something like "of course let's be friends"!!??!?

 

What you should have said "go F&&%^ yourself average ho, I deserve better in a 'friend'.

 

She will be back. Cause it's all about her. If she truly cared for you, she would leave you in peace. Just keep ignorning and learn the meaning of self worth. Any man worth his salt wouldn't remotely consider being a 'friend' to this piece of thrash..No matter who or what was in the past.

 

Oh and happy birthday.......

 

I didn't reply to her. I do believe in forgiving people but only if she had put in some effort into this. Showed me what she feels sorry about, guilty about and show me that she knows how she hurt me and apologize and explain each of those. But she is not capable of doing that. She just expects me to forget everything and talk to her. In all probability she might not even remember all the **** she told me during the breakup.

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aras Member

aras

Posted
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Posted
Just wanted to chime in and point out this is very good advice. Something similar happened to me and I am trying to have some self respect and completely shut my ex out from my life, which is what I have been doing.

 

OP, keep doing what you are doing and don't let her back in- she sounds very similar to my ex and trust me, I gave in to the "friends" bs for over two years. Didn't get me anywhere and I'm stuck in the same position as two years ago when I could have started moving forward then. Do yourself a favor and realize you can do better; sounds like you are a good person, much better than her.

 

Thanks and yes, I am sure I will find someone better. As I had mentioned before, finding someone who has basic respect for me as a human being will in itself be a HUGE upgrade.

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OrangeSnack Established Member

OrangeSnack

Posted
Posted

Wow bro. You deserve so much more than this psycho bitch. Don't even be friends with her. Let her be, she ain't your problem. You're too good for her. NEXT.

Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

Posted
Posted (edited)
I didn't reply to her. I do believe in forgiving people but only if she had put in some effort into this. Showed me what she feels sorry about, guilty about and show me that she knows how she hurt me and apologize and explain each of those. But she is not capable of doing that. She just expects me to forget everything and talk to her. In all probability she might not even remember all the **** she told me during the breakup.

 

In am the BIGGEST advocate of forgiveness on this site. I believe in the power of forgivesness but I also have healthy boundaries in my life. I know exactly the kind of commitment being a friend entails. Friends don't treat each other this way. EVER. If my ex's ever came back and said 'sorry', I would accept their apology, be very pleasant and wish them well in their lives. But 'friends' is impossible. There are lines 'friends' never cross. If they cross them there is no going back (at least for me). Normally crossing this line means a severe breach of trust..

 

There is a saying blood is thicker then water. It is very true. If (she never has) my sister came back after really hurting me I would work hard with her on repairing the relationship. I grew up with her, I respect her and love her deeply. With someone who is not related to me how can there be the same level of trust? So you screw me over, you tell me you are 'sorry' and that is meant to be enough!?

 

Those kind of boundaries are not healthy. These boundaries leave you wide open to to be a doormat, lapdog or both. You are just setting yourself up for future hurt. It's usually a one sided friendship. She takes everything she wants and you give it to her. Afterall she said 'sorry' and acknowledged her mistakes so that makes everything ok. Yawn..

 

Now I understand people can change and I understand people have regret(s) but I feel if someone crosses a line (for me this would have to be significant) there should be no way back. Trust is special, to break it means this person was willing to screw you over for their own selfish reasons. No 'friend' should ever do that.

 

I think you need to be honest with yourself. What you are hoping is she will see the light. Come back begging and pleading. Maybe you will agree to be friends, maybe more. This thought process is so wrong.

 

I forgive my ex's, I needed to to get rid of any/all negativity they brought to my life, but friends....Not if they were the last two people on earth. I think for your next relationship learn what healthy boundaries are and implement them.

 

Just keep ignoring this broad. She offers nothing to you or your life.

Edited by Mack05
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aras Member

aras

Posted
  • Author
Posted
In am the BIGGEST advocate of forgiveness on this site. I believe in the power of forgivesness but I also have healthy boundaries in my life. I know exactly the kind of commitment being a friend entails. Friends don't treat each other this way. EVER. If my ex's ever came back and said 'sorry', I would accept their apology, be very pleasant and wish them well in their lives. But 'friends' is impossible. There are lines 'friends' never cross. If they cross them there is no going back (at least for me). Normally crossing this line means a severe breach of trust..

 

There is a saying blood is thicker then water. It is very true. If (she never has) my sister came back after really hurting me I would work hard with her on repairing the relationship. I grew up with her, I respect her and love her deeply. With someone who is not related to me how can there be the same level of trust? So you screw me over, you tell me you are 'sorry' and that is meant to be enough!?

 

Those kind of boundaries are not healthy. These boundaries leave you wide open to to be a doormat, lapdog or both. You are just setting yourself up for future hurt. It's usually a one sided friendship. She takes everything she wants and you give it to her. Afterall she said 'sorry' and acknowledged her mistakes so that makes everything ok. Yawn..

 

Now I understand people can change and I understand people have regret(s) but I feel if someone crosses a line (for me this would have to be significant) there should be no way back. Trust is special, to break it means this person was willing to screw you over for their own selfish reasons. No 'friend' should ever do that.

 

I think you need to be honest with yourself. What you are hoping is she will see the light. Come back begging and pleading. Maybe you will agree to be friends, maybe more. This thought process is so wrong.

 

I forgive my ex's, I needed to to get rid of any/all negativity they brought to my life, but friends....Not if they were the last two people on earth. I think for your next relationship learn what healthy boundaries are and implement them.

 

Just keep ignoring this broad. She offers nothing to you or your life.

 

Yes, she has nothing to offer. And I am not going to offer her anything either - cos I am done doing that and also too drained to have anything left to offer her anyway.

Legatus Established Member

Legatus

Posted
Posted

Hi aras, I really feel your pain man.I have been involved in similar situation. She lied, cheated, then didn't care to even finish things like adults. Wen into NC a week ago but she still has keys to my house so I will have to talk to and see her so she can take her stuff.

 

I personally had problem, not with the break up itself, but the fact that she didn't show any remorse or feelings after a year and a half. I am quite reasonable guy so I coudn't logically explain why she would behave like that. She is already in a new relationship, with that guy, but called me "desperate" when she found out I went out one night..

 

I have to admit this forum helped me a lot. I've been reading it all day and although it isn't good that there are so many evil people out there, but at least some people help each other by sharing their experiences!

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  • 4 weeks later...
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aras Member

aras

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When we were trying to be friends, I happened to address her "babe" in one of the msgs. She asked me not to use that again cos that reminded her of how she traumatized me. As much as it hurt me not being able to use our terms of endearment, I understood her and stopped doing that.

 

Now in her birthday message to me she uses "babe" and "love". It's like "It's all going to be about where I am and what I feel like doing. Your emotions don't matter"

 

I want to block her off everything. Only because I am not able to move on as I keep stalking her and more importantly hoping that she will get back one day and give me some justice.

 

Aug 7th would have been our 3rd anniversary. I will wait till then, hoping against hope that she would miraculously change. And that day I will block her out of my life completely.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Why wait? I mean, has she even sent anything your way since your birthday?

 

I don't see the point.

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aras Member

aras

Posted
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Posted

There's no point really, I guess. It's just hope.

 

She didn't send any msg after my birthday. Though she did sent this before ""How much longer are you not going to talk to me? I know you think I'm poisonous.. unless you've started seeing someone else, I'd like to catch up on things, if you'd like...""

 

Those were the only two msgs.

 

It's not like I am waiting to get back with her. It's just some justice that I want. I wake up every morning thinking about her and the pain she caused me. I don't know how to get over it without addressing it. Not that I am not carrying on with my life to get over it but it's just not happening. There hasn't been a single day I have woken up not thinking about what she did to me.

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