ksinger Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 (edited) I met a man about 2 months ago and we have been dating now for about 7 weeks. He is divorced and has 3 teenage kids (I don’t have children of my own). I do like him, and have a very nice time when we are together, I find him attractive, and we seem to have a lot in common. However, I am still in the “getting to know you” and “I think I might like you” phase. I don’t mean to be assuming, but based on a lot of his actions and words lately, I am pretty sure he might think we are about to be exclusive (just introduced me to his family and kids, talks a lot about future plans, always wants to see me, tells me he really, really likes me, is am pretty sure he is not dating anyone else (I don’t see where he would have time), etc). We are both practicing Christian, so intimacy has not been more than kissing, cuddling, holding hands. I mention this because this is why sex is not in the picture, because if it was, he would have good reason to assume exclusiveness. So the thing is, I have a very strong feeling he thinks we are, or are leading to something more serious soon, even only after 7 weeks. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed because I feel like it is way too soon. I like him but still feel ambivalent about whether I would not want to date other men (by date, I mean courting). The man I am dating now is very nice, but I’m not sure if I can picture him as my boyfriend “yet“. If I was absolutely sure I had no interest I would tell him. It is only fair to set someone free if you are sure. But I am not sure. But I am worried if I tell him I still want to date/be courted by other men, I will lose him. I am not sure how to tell him. What would you say or do? Do you think I will lose him if I tell him that I like him but I want to date other people too (if he asks to be exclusive)? That it’s too soon to commit? (I wish it was like how it was in the 50’s where you could date other people until you were sure you had met “the one”, and relationships were not assumed so soon) Edited June 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Eggplant Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 You're smart not to commit until you are sure. Under what circumstances did he introduce you to his children?
SmileFace Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 (I wish it was like how it was in the 50’s where you could date other people until you were sure you had met “the one”, and relationships were not assumed so soon) What? I am sorry after 7 seven weeks you should be able to determine if you going to want to be exclusive with someone. You are not interested enough in this man and are hoping for someone better to come along and if not you will then settle for him. I say you move on and give him a chance to date someone who wants to move with his pace. 1
mammasita Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Agreed....7 weeks is a pretty long time to still be unsure. Are you seeing anyone else?
Author ksinger Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 You're smart not to commit until you are sure. Under what circumstances did he introduce you to his children? We all went on a day hike and picnic yesterday.
Author ksinger Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Agreed....7 weeks is a pretty long time to still be unsure. Are you seeing anyone else? No, I haven't been seeing anyone else.
Author ksinger Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Agreed....7 weeks is a pretty long time to still be unsure. How long before one is normally sure? Sorry, but I have only recently started dating again (this past March). Not sure how this works these days.
Eggplant Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I am sorry after 7 seven weeks you should be able to determine if you going to want to be exclusive with someone. Should he have proposed then?
BluEyeL Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I think what you're doing is not so good. You should be sure by now. You should let him go.
Eggplant Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 How long before one is normally sure? Sorry, but I have only recently started dating again (this past March). Not sure how this works these days. I am 26 and dating. I don't know about "these days" versus the 50's or any other era. My guess is that there are biologically-dictated timelines for these kind of things. The times in my limited dating experience where I fell madly in love all happened extremely fast. Then, the waiting was a question of letting the insanity wear off enough so that I could see the guy clearly. But I don't know whether some women can fall in love after a longer period of dating, if they don't fall right away. I don't know if you're looking to fall in love either, I shouldn't assume...
Eggplant Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I think what you're doing is not so good. You should be sure by now. You should let him go.Should he be sure? Should he have proposed?
SmileFace Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Should he have proposed then? So it will be ok for her to start dating others 7 weeks into dating this guy? 1
SmileFace Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Should he be sure? Should he have proposed? What does exclusivity have to do with marriage?
BluEyeL Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 He's advancing the relationship. She is pulling back. She should let him go IMHO. If you don't know that you like him enough to be exclusive (not engaged) by now, I don't think you're too into him. Maybe give yourself like 2 more weeks and then decide one way or another. It's time. 1
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