Don't understand what's happening

[Zewa]

Hi,

 

I recently had a break up with my girlfriend. We were together for seven years. During this 7 years it was really beautifully, but unfortunately during the last year due to some problems I had I simply "forgot" to show her that I still love her ( Like saying something nice here and there etc). Then, due to this problems I noticed at work another girl that was simply "standing out" and it looked like runaway from my problems. She was complete opposite from me and I think that in normal situations I would never have anything with this person. Anyway, I started to text and SMS with this girl and this helped me to escape from my problems. I would simply not think on them. After some time this, to me, seemed like I'm doing something that is not ok and that's not good toward my girlfriend so I told her what I was doing. Due to me being "cold towards her" during the year and now this. She said that this was something that went over her cup and she broke up with me. Although she broke up with me I saw in her that she was devastated by this and that her heart broke because she loved me so much that I simply can't describe it here. We haven't hear in a few week and when I finally solved my problems and realized that I simply wasn't "good" toward her I contacted her and we had a talk. I told her that I still love her and explained everything to her why this happened. I also told her that I'm ready to make some changes to make things better. Unfortunately, she told me that now she is not sure if she feels the same anymore and if she wants to try again. Also she said that she meet someone else and that she feels fine for now. I know who the guy is and it seems that the guy is complete opposite from her like the "my girl" was quite opposite from me. She told me that she doesn't know what will happen next, that she is not dating this guy but just texting with him and going out to have fun ( dancing etc). But she simply can't tell where will all of this go.

 

I know that she is not doing this because she is angry since we can talk completely normally about everything. She even had a dinner with me and we talked again about everything. She repeated again that she doesn't see me in this light anymore currently but she is not certain of anything.

I love her very much. Actually, as everything happened I realized how much we "go together". ( I mean, during 7 years I never ever looked at other girl in a way that "I would be interested" because each time I knew that my girlfriend is best I have) I told her that I accept that it's over but I want her to know that she will always be in my heart and that my hear will always be open for her. We are still in contact and change few messages here and there.

 

But the problem is. I feel that each time I try to show her that I have changed and that I'm ready to make improvements, the other guy simply "runs over this" and she forgets about it. It seems like this "other guy" is "much stronger" than me although I know her much better than him. It feels like I'm not able to "reach to her" because he is blocking me from her. Each time I try to "catch" something with what I could pool her back, he breaks that connection. Actually, It feels the same thing that was happening to me is now happening to her. Because when I was chatting and texting with other girl, I was completely "closed" to things that my girlfriend would said although I knew that I still had feeling for her.

 

I simply don't know how to behave in this situation and what steps to take to get back with her if this is even possible. I mean, if it weren't so good between us for all this years then I would understand. Also, during the 7 years we haven't had even one single big fight. We always talked and agreed on everything. Found mutual terms etc. So I don't understand now what to do. Maybe this is her way of taking a rest from all bad things that happened lately in our relationship but then again I'm so scared that I will lose her completely that I can't sleep.

I know that maybe there is nothing I can do. But if anyone has any advice on this I would be gratefully.

Do we have a change to get back together ? I know example of another couple that broke up after very long relationship, they both had other partners during breakup and then ended up again together after one and half month.

 

If there's anything else that you think I would need to say or write before you could give some advice, let me know and I will write it down.

 

p.s.

Also, If I place some of my pictures on my facebook profile. She always "likes" them.

 

p.p.s

Also, we live in small town so we have and we will stumble upon each other quite often.

Edited June 2, 2013 by Zewa

[totallylost5040]

My advice,

 

Stay away for a while, give her a chance to think. 7 years is a long time. She needs time to realize what she had in order to realize what she's lost.

 

I know its really tough, I'm going through the same thing right now, its really really really really tough.

 

It seems like she just needs a break from you, EVERYONE goes through that, the lost chemistry or loss of connection, but it can be rekindled.

 

Give her some time, try to work on yourself. If you need anything else, just ask, i'm going through the same thing and I know, its tough.

[Zewa]

In some way I understand that but then again, I'm scared that she will go for this guy just because she is in pain. Something like rebound relationship or something like that.

I mean, when I had a chance to talk with her then she is like calm and we can talk about everything. But if I leave her for a few days and then ask something she is like all on the "nidles" like I'm going to "do something" that she doesn't want. I really don't understand this behavior. I was thinking to ask this guy out for a drink, since I know him and I heard that he knows that she was with me and that he was saying to her that she should get back to me and give me second chance. But again, it could be only a trick from his side to "get to her". What do you think ?

[Stay]

I'm going through something similar minus all the her seeing another person and myself seeing someone else. I hope my ex(gf) whatever it is at the moment isn't talking to anyone, it'll break my heart. She still has me over, I give her massages, etc. She gives me the look sometimes. Almost a friendly dating way. I joke with her in a flirty way, she smiles but doesn't really flirt back as it's a difficult time. The main reason on my side was lack of affection, not showing enough love.. I was too focused on school that I didn't focus on whats also important to my life. Pretty much at the moment I feel like we do the "couple" thing without actually being a couple.

 

She knows I still want to be with her but she just doesn't "feel" it right now. Like totallylost says I think it may help to have them feel that something is missing at the moment.

 

For your side, that guy could just be a person... I'm pretty sure you're still fresh in her mind, everything this guy does will be compared to you. I wouldn't suggest taking this guy out and talking to him because now that'll make you seem like a crazy person trying to manipulate this guy. Probably best thing to do is just give it some time. I know it's difficult, trust me I'm going through it too but if this girl really cares for you and loves you she isn't going to just drop you that easily. And if she does then she might have not cared and loved you like you thought.