this is soo complicated i need im desperate at this point

[brown_and_Fit]

Ok so this is kinda long but its quite a complicated situation...

I met this girl On may 3rd, and she was everything i was looking for in a girl, smart sexy, and she loves to workout which is a must. So obviously i couldnt let this girl pass me by... so i ask her out, well on that first encounter she tells me that she feels very comfortable around me and that she was drawn to me... well she then precedes to tell me her life story.. she was raped by 3 men at a frat party a year and a half ago... and she was pretty badly beaten up.. she showed me pics of her when she was in the hospital and i read the police report. she was telling the truth.. oh it gets better.. so about a year goes by and she meets this guy and she gets into a commited relationship with the guy well one night he got drunk and he abused her and raped her so she got pregnant and she decided to get an abortion.. i was the only person she told about the abortion this was very recent she was in the hospital like may 17th she was 7-9 weeks pregnant..well while she was in the hospital she went into sepsis and almost died and i couldnt help myself but at that moment i realized i wanted to help this girl and the more i helped her the more feelings i got for her.. like i respect her so much for dealing with all this and its just i think she is an amazing woman and despite her past i can see myself with her... well anyway ive spent the night with her alot i stay with her and sleep together. i dont make a move because she is no condition to have sex or intimate relationship yet especially after her experiences.. the problem is i want a relationship with this girl and she says that if she met me first she would have loved me so much and she would love to be in a relationship with me.. but she feels like she isnt ready and she says that she wouldnt be able to offer me something becuase her life is in shambles, she says she needs to fix her life before she goes in a relationship.. she says she doesnt know how long it will take and she says that it could be awhile... i mean the touch barrier is broken alot and she says im the only person she is comfortable with.. so my question is really just a need for advice... im in this for the long haul like this could be a while.. so if i do decide to wait and pursue this maybe for a chance of a relationship it could be a while at the same time i could just forget about her.. but i can only see myself with her.. my only fear is that i will get friend zoned!! and i need a way to avoid that.

what would you guys do?

[TaraMaiden]

There's nothing complicated about this, at all.

I tried to find the complication, and I couldn't.

 

So, let's strip all the crap and put it out the way, because what you're asking is:

 

how long do you think it will be before I can get her to like/trust me enough to let me have sex with her?

 

Yes, it is.

 

She needs intense therapy and counselling.

She needs all the time in the world, for her to become comfortable with any form of physical invasion of her body, ever again.

And it could take years.

Or it could take less.

That's entirely on her, and there's no hurrying that.

 

Stay with her.

Show her you are in for the long haul.

Put sex with her completely out of your mind.

 

prove to her that there's nothing about sex in your wanting to be with her.

It's about being with her and honouring the person she is.

Sex would be the bonus.

Not the objective.

 

Best of luck.

It looks as if you've found a good one.

be that to her.

[brown_and_Fit]

Your absolutely right! at first i put my selfish feelings away and i knew she needed someone she can trust and be her friend... but shes amazing and it was so so hard not to develop romantic feelings for her... i guess its going to be a long road but if a relationship does happen somewhere down the line this will just strengthen that relationship

[TaraMaiden]

Just because you feel this way, and you know you have to tread carefully and completely respect her space, it doesn't mean you cannot show her affection and be caring towards her.

Effective and Constructive Communication is vital. You have to find a way to communicate that you are falling in love with her, and that you want to build a strong relationship with her. But that everything must be at her pace.

 

Encourage counselling.

 

Tell her you will be there for her, attend with her if she wants and always support her decisions. But she must understand that if ever you get feelings of arousal, or you have a sexual traction towards her, you can't help that. You love her, and these feelings are natural. But it's in no way meant to pressure her or coerce her into hurrying or changing how she feels, just to accommodate you.