Linn8 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I've dated a guy for about six weeks, we've been on six dates (we're in our thirties). It started off really great, but between the dates he didn't seem that interested and then all of a sudden he said that he doesn't feel the butterflies even though he really wants to. Before that he talked about future plans with me, told me lots of nice things and we kissed and made out a lot. I was starting to fall for him and he knew it, and therefore he started feeling really bad, like he was leading me on. He originally decided that he was going to end it, but he was also very afraid that he let something good go, so he was desperately searching for another solution. We discussed that we could continue seeing each other more casually, i.e. not go on dates, not be intimate, but hang out and do some fun stuff, in order to get to know each other better without the pressure of dating and having to decide immediately. We agreed to think about it, and when he called back the next day, he said that he felt much more at ease and he still thought it was a good idea, because he had this fear that letting me go is a mistake. I told him honestly that I'm worried that it's a really bad idea, but since I'm having the same doubts as him, I would give it a try. He said that maybe we could do something on Saturday/Sunday, and I said that I hadn't planned my weekend yet, but that it was probably ok. This was Wednesday, now it's Sunday and I haven't heard a word. Believe me, I know that these signs are bad, I already know he's not that into me, and it's making me lose interest too. The only reason I'm willing to spend a little more time on it, is that the conversations we've had about how we both feel unsure etc felt like a breakthrough, like I was finally myself again like I was in the beginning, when there was not so much pressure. I also figured it would be better to confirm that we're not that compatible, instead of living with the what-if's afterwards. After basically being rejected, I really feel that he has to step up, I can't see how I'm the one who should be taking the initiative this time without losing my self respect completely. Therefore I haven't contacted him yet. I'm guessing he has changed his mind again and/or isn't really that interested in it. Although there might be a possibility that he's waiting for me, that he feels like the ball is in my court now, since I was the one who expressed doubts about the new arrangements. Should I text or call him, like "how was your weekend" and take it from there, or should I just leave it completely?
lamaga Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I think you should definitely text him. I am unsure about what though. Maybe you should just be upfront? But that could be too much pressure again? Yeah, but for your own peace of mind, why not? But to be honest, I don't think this will ever be something. Women tend to overanalyze and think too much about what he could be thinking in situations like this and try to look for positive aspects... but in the end, he is simply just not interested. So, text him to get your closure, so you can move on. Or move on right away. One of the two.
KatZee Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I wouldn't contact him at all to be honest. If he's so unsure after this many dates, and is struggling so hard to decide what to do? Make the decision for him. Just move on. I think he understands that you're a great girl, but for some reason he's just not feeling that "click" with you. Essentially I think all he's doing is delaying the inevitable. I think his silence is quite clear, and he was upfront. He's not feeling the spark for you. I would just do the fade out. Don't contact him again. He knows exactly where you stand. He knows you're into him. The ball's in his court if he wants to take this further or progress with you. But honestly, I don't know how you're going to feel being with a guy who isn't all that crazy about you. 1
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