dreamliver7 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Hi All, It's been 4 months since my ex-GF decided to end the relationship and moved on. We were together for 2.5 years where we met almost every other day, spent the weekends together and I thought that our relationship was near perfect. For me, she was my best friend and a lover both and I was emotionally dependent on her for anything and everything. The sudden and unexpected pulling the plug on the relationship has left me bewildered, shocked and sad. On asking what wasn't working or why the relationship should end I was told that something in her gut told her that it isn't working out and that she believed in herself that the relationship is not healthy. I've had No-Contact with her for almost 2.5 months now and she hasn't contacted me either. I basically let her go after she wasn't able to give me a real answer as to why she wanted to go away. After trying to pursue her for a month almost to not go away, I realized I was being selfish and let her go. The last 4 months have been a cocktail of emotions for me where I've indulged in self-pity, wallowing, living in the past, wondering what went wrong, crying, hoping and what not. I do realize that she is never going to come back and I don't even know if realistically I would want to be back with a person who didn't have the courtesy to give me a proper explanation or reason as to why the relationship ended according to her. My question to folks who may have had a similar experience in their lives is how did they manage to move on? I am stuck in an infinite loop of being OK for a day and then in a wallowing procedure where I am unable to free myself from the memories. Even though there has been No-Contact for 2.5 months from both sides, I do have the urge sometimes to call her but I have been successful so far. I really do want to get a handle on my life and want to move on and start a new leaf but I am not sure why my mind is preventing me to do it. Anyone with any ideas here would be great help! Thanks!
BustedUpInside Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 You are recovering and moving on with your life. It just takes time. I know how terrible that answer seems, because time moves slowly when you are trying to get over someone and so it is hard to see how much progress you have actually made. Think about it this way. Don't you feel better than you did a few months ago? Aren't the sad days fewer and farther between? Also, the urges to contact her are probably fading too, right? You have to give yourself a break and also some credit. You are doing a good job of getting your life back. Some suggestions for helping with the process is that you should pick out something that you have always wanted to do. Maybe something to do with art, music, or culinary skills? Something that can absorb some of the emotions you are feeling. Then you can get really focused on the new hobby and it will take some of the spotlight off of feeling bad about the break up. Other than that, I don't have a lot of advice, because you really are doing a great job! 2
Author dreamliver7 Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Thanks, BUI! Here lies another problem. The only thing I ever enjoyed was spending time with her and being in her company. I was so dependent on her presence to feel happy and emotionally secure. I always told her too that she is the only friend i am left with as I only liked being with her. By doing this I isolated myself from everything else. I have no friends now. I don't even know what I like now. I never really liked socializing and the it's even tougher now when i go out and see happy couples around me. I feel pained as if my life has been robbed from me. People generally know why their break-ups happened. I have no clue about mine! I also understand that thinking along these lines would not help me at all. I have already seen a counsellor and that helped for a while but now I feel every single second I am spending thinking (and now writing) is a crucial second of my life being wasted because of her.Yet I can't seem to let go off the feelings. Doing Yoga, reading spiritual material etc helps for a while but then it's again me and my loneliness. At this moment I feel I have exausted a lot of my options and yet made little progress on moving on.
BustedUpInside Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Thanks, BUI! People generally know why their break-ups happened. I have no clue about mine! I think this line of thinking might be part of the problem. I don't think a lot of people know why they were dumped. Seriously. if you read a lot of the posts on here especially ones with titles that have to with G.I.G.S or blindside breakups you will see what I mean. Personally, I never really got a valid reason for my ex wanting to breakup and I had to accept that I never would. Relationships just end sometimes. If you aren't really comfortable socializing yet, maybe you could take up a more solitary activity. Writing music, singing, playing guitar, learning to cook for one (really cook - like fancy ). if you are ready for the responsibility, you could adopt a dog. You wouldn't believe how good it feels to take care of another being who absolutely loves you without questions or agenda. If you can't get an animal, maybe you could volunteer at a local animal shelter or homeless shelter. Helping others will make you realize how great your life actually is, plus the added benefit of making you feel better about yourself in other ways. 2
Author dreamliver7 Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 I guess I need to cultivate a habit since I don't have any! It's a good point you made about the pets/animals though! It's ironic that animals that can't speak our language are better at the language of love compared to the ones we thought we had "eternal" love with! Thanks, BUI. God bless! 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I guess I need to cultivate a habit since I don't have any! It's a good point you made about the pets/animals though! It's ironic that animals that can't speak our language are better at the language of love compared to the ones we thought we had "eternal" love with! Thanks, BUI. God bless! Just how incredible is it that a different species can have so much love for us? Truly mans/womans best friend. Simply amazing. My pup has been getting me through! Much like BUI, I was given my dog from my former relationship (many months post BU) He's my best bud!!! 1
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