lost.girl Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I got ya girl No am not ready for making up so that mean's NC or very limited if any. NO am even less ready to see or hear about him and someone else NC I guess again. All in all less is more in this case yes I know so I stumbled took a fall but I did managed few weeks its something right but year sounds like LOT even month now sounds like a lot and is freaking LOT. Where is that head banging smiley when girl needs one Hey I didn't say it was the easy answer lol just the right one. Trust me easier said then done Im struggling with it big time. But I want more and I guess it comes down to your self worth. Don't do it to yourself and I'll try not to either lol
metal_chick Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Good. Because I do not want to tell other people to delay No Contact in the manner in which I am doing. It is not a good thing to do and I know this. Anyway I hope the OP does not consider being his friend until she is comfortable with the idea of him being with other girls (seeing as this will happen if they stay "friends") A year or more I think. Before indifference sets in surrounding them and new sexual partners. Heck, even then, some people will not be thrilled at the thought. I think moving onto a new love one day, is the only thing that can 100% make you NOT sting a teeny bit. By then most people would not care enough about their exes to even want to be friends, I would guess, if they did No Contact properly. Just because someone is friends with their ex, does not mean they care more about them, than someone who isn't. 1
Author bluegreen Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Yes it all comes to that hard part struggling is perfect word for it. I suppose I wished at least not to have to struggle with this to or play games. And yes hearing that he is having it hard time to was part of it so there I admitted How do people manage this for years is incredible for me amount of that strength and courage floors me. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 If you still have feelings for the ex, which all of us dumpees do... The LESS you know the BETTER. You CANNOT handle knowing there daily lives without you as their lover anymore. It will kill you.... 1
lost.girl Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 If you still have feelings for the ex, which all of us dumpees do... The LESS you know the BETTER. You CANNOT handle knowing there daily lives without you as their lover anymore. It will kill you.... ^^^^ I can verify that. Fact. 1
Author bluegreen Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 I KNOW it would kill me Oh what a mess what a God freaking awful mess
lost.girl Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I KNOW it would kill me Oh what a mess what a God freaking awful mess Hey! Breath!! It's gonna be ok It may not seem like it right now, may not seem like it for awhile but I promise it will be.
Author bluegreen Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 OK breathing again to I feel like a small child stuffed up on cookies. One minute am smiling next ready to burst in tears its like some moments or parts of day or night are worst. Something reminds me and for next while its tears flood after that next while fine then again like when it hurts it tears apart when it does not its like taking mini vacation.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 OK breathing again to I feel like a small child stuffed up on cookies. One minute am smiling next ready to burst in tears its like some moments or parts of day or night are worst. Something reminds me and for next while its tears flood after that next while fine then again like when it hurts it tears apart when it does not its like taking mini vacation. Ahhhhh, welcome to the roller-coaster ride of RS, BU and NC... Ain't it fun?? 2
lost.girl Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 awww sweety that's how heartbreak works, big ol rollercoaster of emotions!! Sometimes you are perfectly fine like "screw him he missing out of my awesomeness" about an hour later "oh god why did he leave doesn't he know nobody can love him like me" It's very natural. You just have to embrace it and accept the fact that you aren't going to be ok for awhile. Your grieving. Give your self time to just feel whatever you feel and don't be scared of it. When it's done you will have peace in your heart again I promise. 2
Author bluegreen Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Ahhhhh, welcome to the roller-coaster ride of RS, BU and NC... Ain't it fun?? Its freaking awesome you witch can't believe you made me laugh bless you for that. Ouch heartbreak word OK that is bad bad bad word that should be erased from our language well I kind of have no issue with accepting this will hurt like hell for while just with how long it might be. That how long part makes me wanna loose it it scares me to death. 1
lost.girl Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 well I kind of have no issue with accepting this will hurt like hell for while just with how long it might be. That how long part makes me wanna loose it it scares me to death. Probably not as long as you think! Cause right now your staring down eternity in your mind. You'll be ok sooner then later Im willing to bet 1
Author bluegreen Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 That's just how long this feel like it will last and I saw that many people on forum mentioned words like scared of it
Author bluegreen Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 I had a talk with a friend in similar situation today and one of the interesting things I was told was when they asked the other person how can they still be friends like how was that to occur : when to talk how often about what how to be friends but still have feelings one for another after BU. The other person either like had no answer or never responded to them to that question I asked her was the other person serious about offering friendship she said yes they indeed were very much so.
flitzanu Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 A really nice smart girl here wrote a lot on this and it made lots sense to many. But is NC really the right way to get over break up we suffer tortures of damned is that really right way to go? If you both have a feelings for each other and friendship was genuinely offered would it really be wrong to accept it days and months of pain and hurt or moving on slowly getting like of the drugs so to say? Loving and being with someone is like habit I never heard of quitting something cold turkey seems more like some f... up psycho game of who will be more in control not way to get someone back? Yes NC is for US not them but its not helping then what !!! they are not dead we see them one way or another or will its not like we can erase months or years with them ? Am most proud person in a world and it cuts me to the bone thinking of him moving on but it hurts even worse not ever having him around again what serves me pride right now? Am being once again offered same thing what the hell do I do? Limited contact no contact suffering and hurting for months from now until I move on or choose to be around him and as I said do this little by little ? so lets say Monday morning your boss fires you. do you show up to work on Tuesday and try to act like nothing is wrong? do you call your boss every day for 6 months begging them to take you back? do you promise your ex boss you'll do better, and text them this at 3am when you're drunk and that you'll never find a boss or job like this ever again? 2
Author bluegreen Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Of course not. But in my case there was never any begging drunk dialing or such still I will not throw mud on anyone who did love hurts loosing it hurts worse. We are all here because we all have something to say about this and way to deal with it
flitzanu Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Of course not. But in my case there was never any begging drunk dialing or such still I will not throw mud on anyone who did love hurts loosing it hurts worse. We are all here because we all have something to say about this and way to deal with it i don't know if you're missing the correlation with going NC with a breakup versus being fired from a job.
Author bluegreen Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Perhaps in a way we did misunderstood each other but all am saying is that lot of what you mentioned about being fired people after BU actually do. What I said is am not gonna throw mud at them for that perhaps reading those words was little harsh yes true you got point and are right but still felt harsh to read. Its tough to be here at this place
BustedUpInside Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Perhaps in a way we did misunderstood each other but all am saying is that lot of what you mentioned about being fired people after BU actually do. What I said is am not gonna throw mud at them for that perhaps reading those words was little harsh yes true you got point and are right but still felt harsh to read. Its tough to be here at this place Of course it's tough to be here, but I really think that you and others might be in need of some tough love. It does you a disservice to give you advice that is counterproductive to your happiness. It is counterproductive to say that you should just do whatever you feel, because you can't really trust your feelings right now. You are mired down in feelings of loss and rejection and they are making you feel like you have to stay connected to your ex by any means necessary. Clinging to any shred of communication will not do what you want it to do. It won't make your ex realize what they have lost or make them miss you or rediscover lost love. What it will do is keep you hanging on to something that is not there, while making your ex realize that breaking up was DEFINITELY the right decision. You might think that I am wrong or that I don't know your specific relationship, and that is true, but there are always common themes in every relationship and breakup and by keeping contact with your ex, you are basically chasing someone that has already has a huge head start running away from you. 2
Author bluegreen Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 I did and do have a tough time figuring out this but one good thing I can say is so far I have not chased him begged him drunk dialed him or anything. So if he did have a reason to leave he does not and will not have a REASON to run I swore this to myself I even did face b delete but yes I have up and downs its still so early. Most of us did not even pass one month mark and that's why I said its tough to read some stuff when I know some people have done things that I managed not to do Thank God I was thinking how awful it must be for them to read that that's all.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Perhaps in a way we did misunderstood each other but all am saying is that lot of what you mentioned about being fired people after BU actually do. What I said is am not gonna throw mud at them for that perhaps reading those words was little harsh yes true you got point and are right but still felt harsh to read. Its tough to be here at this place You still don't get it. His point was that it'd be foolish to do that stuff if you were fired from a job. Being broken up with is like being fired from a relationship. You aren't going to hang out with the boss who fired you, so don't hang out with the ex who did the same. 2
BustedUpInside Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 So if he did have a reason to leave he does not and will not have a REASON to run I swore this to myself I even did face b delete but yes I have up and downs its still so early. By leaving you and not coming back, he has already started running and no amount of contact will make you fast enough to catch up with him. The only way you stand a chance if you stop running and start walking in the opposite direction, i.e No Contact and working on your own life. Not to get him back but because you genuinely want to improve your situation, circumstances, and well-being. Maybe, just maybe seeing you walking the other way will make him slow down, stop, and run after you. Then you can decide whether he gets to catch you or not. 1
Author bluegreen Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 Once again I said I have not contacted him in a way that many other people unfortunately did. OK he started running away but am not chasing will he look back I don't know even if I harbor hope He does not know or will know that. So Yes I get what you mean TX and some days am doing better with those things some am not.
Leigh 87 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I am in a position where we both still love each other, but can see the relationship did not work. I left him first, a few times, yet he left in the end:( It causes us both immense pain to not talk, and It makes us happier to see each other. We were both devastated initially, but then we felt better from the initial break up; now, No Contact is agonising, where as seeing each other delays the impending pain that No Contact will bring. We can see that we cannot be friends for a long time. We are just using a band aid for now because we are so happy when we are together, and not being together is too painful for us. I go overseas this month. Then I move states as soon as I return. Until then, we are just spending time together for the last time. The initial break up was traumatising for the both of us. We felt the initial trauma of the break up and thinking about life without each other. Then we overcame the initial pain and seeing each other has delayed the No Contact phase, which is brutal. We have weaned each other off a full on life together now, as we only text and talk on the phone and do not see each other every day like we once did. No Contact is far more effective for getting over your ex faster. We both know it. He is never going to see me again after I move, so he desperately wants to hold on to some form of contact until I leave. I feel the same way:( Once I leave we both hate the idea of talking to each other as friends, because we love each other more than just friends. We cannot deal with the other person being with other people. We do not want to be friends. Not until we are happily married with new partners and can stand to see each other happy in love, with a new partner. Prolonging No Contact just delays the inevitable; life without each other. Missing each other. Feeling upset when something bad happens and we do not have each other to hug or even tell. For now? It makes us happier seeing each other. It temporarily feels wonderful to hug each other while we sleep again, the one or two nights a week we do. It is only delaying No Contact though, and we are not going to avoid having to miss each other like crazy. And no we do not have sex. We had it once but he has decided against it, as it is too emotional for him; sex is about love for us, and that is something he wants to shut off, I guess:(
Leigh 87 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 If you still have feelings for the ex, which all of us dumpees do... The LESS you know the BETTER. You CANNOT handle knowing there daily lives without you as their lover anymore. It will kill you.... I don't know why, but it is not killing me because we act the same way around each other, minus the sex. SLOWLY, though, I feel it creeping up on me; not having a RELATIONSHIP with him, not having sex and not going over to his family's house for dinner is very slowly but surely, wearing me down. I definitely feel that feeling you described, about not being able to stand not being with them in EVERY way, in a relationship with commitment. Thank god I am moving away soon! It seems to hurt way less than cutting contact:( For NOW at least.
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