bal0926 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 So my now ex-boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago. I was fine at first, but now thats its the weekend and I am sitting here alone, I feel absolutely miserable. I moved to a new city a few months ago for a new job. I know no one here, and my closest friend is about 50 minutes away. My family lives a good 7 hours away. Believe me, I am the type to make friends easily. But I now live in an area where there just isn't much to do. I've never felt so alone in my life. I'll give you some background story: Me and my ex were together for a little bit over a year. The past four months we've been doing long distance because I moved an hour and a half away for my dream job. He is still finishing up his bachelors degree. We've had a very healthy relationship and got along great, the only thing was him not being able to say the words "I love you". With our relationship moving towards a more serious path he ended it because he felt like I was giving more and he felt like it was unfair because he knew he wasn't ready to give me the same. And I know where this all stems back from. He feels extremely guilty that he has taken so long to finish up his degree, when he feels like he should have his life together. He feels like he should be taking care of his mom, and not the other way around. The reason it has taken him so long to finish his degree, is because in the past he has put his relationships before school. For example, he moved across the country to NYC to live and be in the same city as his girlfriend at the time. Obviously, it didn't work out. And his other serious relationship he was in a toxic relationship where they thought they were in love, but instead they brought out the crazy sides in each other. Him and his ex partied a lot and drank a lot, to the point where she got two DUIs and he got one himself. Because of these situations, I know he has taken a silent vow to not let love get in the way of school and his future. And I know he has been super stressed out these past few weeks because he has finals, and on top of that he is working and participating in a research project. I feel like this extra stress prompted the break-up. Right after the break-up he did contact me. He texted me back the following day "hope your day is going good" and i didn't text him back. Like honestly? Do you really think I am having a good day. And yesterday he text me to ask me how I was doing and when I didn't respond he called me after. I did call him back and he started up a conversation like everything was perfectly fine. But I asked him why he called me and he said "Well...It feels weird not to talk to you" I told him that we couldn't stay in contact with each other. So we wished each other a good night and got off the phone. This morning I did call him because I realized we need to inform a mutual friend to cancel a couples trip since we weren't together anymore. He seemed too okay with it. When I asked him if he even cared "he said of course I care, I care about you so much". But it just seems like he still wants to keep in contact, but that he can't just give me his all right now and it makes him feel guilty. Of course I want to be with him, and I am hoping he realized he made a mistake. I am hoping once he finishes school in a few weeks, once the stress has been released, and once he doesn't have anything to do for the summer that he has a reality check. But at the same time I cannot think that way, I cannot think he will want me back. I just need kind words and advice. Especially for a young lady living in a new city by herself, and without any friends near by to keep me sane so I can stick to the no contact rule.
CelticGibson Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Yes you have to keep telling yourself it's over. That can only change if he makes a concerted effort to try again.... Sorry you are stuck in this situation. The first bit of advice I would suggest is to stick to the No Contact. That means not reading texts he may send or any other communication. Being in a new city on your own is a daunting thing for sure. All I can suggest is that you try Meetup.com to find groups of people who share similar interests. Look up clubs or societies that you might be interested in. It's important you make some friends soon. It will help you get over this break up much faster. In the meantime, use this site to vent, look for more advice and to get those thoughts out of your system. Best of luck. 1
metal_chick Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 CelticGibson is right. Meetup.com, and No Contact. Your new best friends.
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