Polyamory break up

[Agony]

Wow. I stumbled into a polyamorous relationship a little over a year ago. I am a lesbian who dated a married woman for one year. Ths was my first experience in polyamory. Ive never been in a open relationship before. The woman i was with wanted polyfidelity with me. I was fine with that the problem arose s when i experimented with her husband (which she manipuated) i was so in love with her. She woud tell me i cant ave a serious gf if you dont date my husband too which she later denied ever saying. This woman is diaganosed bipoar, schizoaffective.

 

I loved her husband as a friend, told him this after i ended the drunken, sexual encounters. I began to resent her and him bc it was always the three of us. She and i never had dates alone, she never came to my house. We broke up for 2 weeks in February. We got back together after much discussion. Everything was good, she was making small changes, started telling me how she resented her marriage, how she was embarrassed to admit she is married, identifed as a lesbian but only bi bc of him.

 

She would tell me how she wished she and i ad a house together so we could buy furniture, cook together. How he is only her best friend and didnt care if they had sex bc she had me. That he doesnt touch her, how in love she was with me..blah blah... Hw she wAnted to live with me part time and with him the other half.

 

She said these tpes of things constantly. Messed with my head a little. Her hubby drank a lot...i guess he is an alcoholic..would come on to me, make sexual comments..no respect...burst in on us having sex...she wanted him to have his own gf...anyway three weeks ago she and i celebrated our one year anniversary. I spent $120 on dinner and another $80 taking her out all night. The week prior she was begging me to go on vacation with her and him.

 

 

Two days after our anniversary she broke up with me. Told me when i was ready we could be friends. I was blown away. I was not the kindest. She did this over facebook. I told her no way and other things.

 

She blocked me on facebook. Wont talk to me(i only contacted once to apologize for not being nice) she ignored me. Week number two i find out she is on okcupid looking for a new girlfriend.

I am soooo hurt, sick, anxious and cant seem to wrap my head around what hapened.

Was the relationship a lie? Did she love me? Can someone really be that selfish? Ive had breakups before but ths one at 39 years old is the most hurtful i truely loved this woman. I cant seem to move on. She s after two weeks.

 

Its like who s thus person? She is almost 46, a grandmother..i was attached to her grandbaby, her family..i was left completely abanndoned, alone....

The last thing she said to me was "you will be alone for the rest of your life." blocked me. What reaction did she expect from me 2 days after our anniversary and she breaks up saying lets be friends. Yes i was not nice...

 

 

I am seriously broken, sick....i cant go 2 minutes without rewinding what happened

Edited June 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaraMaiden]

Few things:

This wasn't a polyamorous relationship.

This was a toxic, dysfunctional triangle, with two screwed-up individuals who clearly have more issues between them than you could shake a stick at, and who would both keep a psychiatrist in work for the remainder of all their natural lives - and then some.

 

Was she under a psychiatrist?

On medication?

Being monitored for changes in behaviour?

 

Did he admit to being an alcoholic?

Was he a member of AA?

 

How soon after you began this liaison did you discover they had serious medical/psychological issues/addictions?

 

You WON'T be alone the rest of your life.

You will heal, move on, get well and find a bettere sitution, a healthier relationship and a much, much better companion.

This wasn't love. This was a broken dynamic.

 

She, on the other hand, will always be screwed. And he, on the other hand, will always be a drunk.

 

Try to get some counselling.

But whatever you do, do not let something this damaged be a benchmark for your happiness and future success.

 

I mean really - look at it.

 

You're kidding.....Right?

[Agony]

No she wasnt on medication. She swore up and down she cured herself. There were a lot of red flags, all of which I ignored.

They almost divorced once and she wanted to be a lesbian. I am total mess. I feel like I am falling apart. I am healthy, normalish, but not a mixed bag of nuts. Ths woman went from hot to cold with me. I loved her more than anyone i have ever loved in all my life. I am so sick over it. I cant come to terms with what she said and did. I thought she really loved me. I feel so stupid, disposable, like i never mattered. Her last two girlfriends hate her and they were poly.

She tried to tell me i am not poly. Tjat pisses me off bc I am poly. I was ok with her marriage until she started the husband bashing.

I do need counseling. I feel really messed up, depressed, used, abanonded, confused. Who lets someone spend hundreds of dollars on a one year anniversary then breaks up.

She is codependent. They were swingers before. She did it bc thats what he wanted. He would only sleep with her if there was another woman involved or if he is drunk. Im angry and i now hate her, but i love her still too. Though i think i was a doll she pulled off the shelf to play with 4 days a week for a year. My heart is broken. I am shattered

She told me bits and pieces of her medical,psychlogical, addiction problems over the year we were together. I thought nothing of it. I assumed when i would see her acting a certain way it was bc of the psychological disorder and noted it.

I just cant believe she is already datng. Poly people need to heal too right? Am i crazy? Is mourning a year relationship in a week normal? Am i not normal bc i am still sick over it

Oh and the other girlfriend she ad she suddenly broke upwith and shut her out too.

Edited June 1, 2013 by Agony

[TaraMaiden]

Stop.

Listen to yourself.

you're cracking up - but it's hardly surprising - you were with two people who hell-bent on self-destruction, decided to take you along for the ride and used you as the motor.

 

When people are as dysfunctional, damaged and as toxic as they are, they also become expert manipulators.

 

The one thing you are guilty of was perhaps loving too much and buying into this mess.

This is not your fault.

but you definitely NEED help.

Without a shadow of a doubt.

Or you will simply be caught in the downward spiral, and really do yourself some terminal damage.

 

Seriously - seek help.

As soon as you can, try to get some kind of professional counselling.

 

DO IT.

[Agony]

I am going seek help on Monday. I really do feel like I am spinning out of control. Sitting here thinking WTF happened. They both are messed up. I feel sorry for the next victim who gets involved.