Welcome back to denial

[mfleck91]

In summary, s**t. For whatever reason today hit me harder than usual. Before I knew it I started reminiscing about the good times, nearly brought myself to tears.

 

Then I started thinking about what my ex was doing at the moment, who she was with." What is she doing with this other guy, are they serious, is she sleeping with him? She didn't sleep with me after 4 years, why? Is there something wrong with me? What makes him so great? Why did she stop loving me, how is that possible? How long was she lying to me, how long was she faking being in love? "

 

"Will I ever see her again, will she ever talk to me? Does she think of me, does she miss me? Is there any hope of us getting back together? I want her, I need her. I should send her a text. No wait, I can't do that, that's a bad idea. But just this one last time....no, I won't. Well this sucks, what the f*** do I do now?"

 

"Will I find someone else? I hate being alone, I just want to be with someone, seeing other couples makes me sad. No one will be as good as her, I need to contact her, maybe I can change her mind. No you shouldn't do that. Ok then, I guess I'll just feel like crap for the rest of the day"

 

These were my thoughts, I'm kinda just stuck on it. Welcome back to denial.

[BustedUpInside]

Change all your "hers" to "hims" and that is the story of my life on the days when I feel bad.

 

You are going through a normal low period in your recovery. It really will be ok. Just take a deep breath and remember that it will pass. I promise that in a few days or so you will think back about the other day and be really surprised that you felt so bad.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Everyone has these days and thinks these thoughts. That's why No Contact is so hard, because of the days when you want to break it. Just stay strong and remember that even if you don't feel great today, it won't last forever and you will be back to upbeat in no time.

[KPChick000]

Yeah we all go through the same types of questions. You're having one of the bad days (I am, too). It's okay to wonder, but we have to remember that we will likely never have answers to any of them. It's hard, I know, but we have to try not to spiral out of control with these questions. It seems like you know you shouldn't contact her, so that's good.

 

I am in the same boat today! I know it's not much consolation, but I know how lonely these questions can make one feel.

[TaraMaiden]

This isn't 'denial'.

 

This is unnecessary masochism.

 

There is no logic or construct to it at all.

 

Half the reason people beat themselves up with this kind of crap, is actually - wait for it - because they actually WANT to feel the pain.

 

People who are severely depressed about a break-up will actually wilfully dwell in thoughts which exacerbate the pain because at least they feel connected.

If they feel, they must love - and they haven't lost the link.

They fear that if they stop thinking, they'll stop feeling - and if they stop feeling, then it really is completely over.

Pain is better than nothing.

[mfleck91]

I usually don't dwell on these types of things, at least not since the very beginning of the breakup. I'm just craving the closeness of the relationship we had, I think it would be much easier to deal with if I knew she wasn't with another guy. However that's not the case. Everything I do I wish I was doing with her. I knew that if we were together right now we would either be on a vacation or at least be planning one.

 

The desire to break NC is strong, I have to restrain myself with everything I've got