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Move up timeline earlier

Mount

By Mount
in The Other Man / Woman

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whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Good. Glad this is all out in the open. I hope he pushes the divorce through as quickly and painless as possible and is fair to his wife when it comes to $$. They've been married for what, 30 years? So she is entitled.

 

My suggestion to you is, stay out of his divorce details. And dont' be in such a rush to move in together. Your affair dynamic has to end and re start as a regular relationship.

scatterd Established Member

scatterd

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This is just the beginning of the end of his divorce. I am not meaning this bad but theirs going to be some tough times ahead.The children are going to have feelings to-wards their dad concerning their mothers pain and family. The earth quake hit and their is after shocks coming be prepared.

lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

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Yes mount, be realistic. I truly hope you get what you desire, but let me caution you. I am both a fws and a bs so I am coming at this compassionately and yet practically.

 

I was an adult when my dad finally decided to divorce my mom - let me tell you it should have happened 10 years previously but that still doesn't help the hurt. I was so angry at my dad for a very long time. It honestly wasn't until about 4 years ago things started to get better and I saw thins differently.

 

So, what I am saying is you are in for a rough ride so be patient, especially with his kids, and definitely stay away from the divorce details - it will be bad enough between the two of them.

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Mount Established Member

Mount

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As previous post has laid out, the initial timeline the end of June, plus I don't want to do things for him, he should be handling himself.

 

Yes, we have execised the thoughts when his family reacts, he is sticking to not go back, and proceed to D.

 

Net, we are aware WHAT WE ARE DOING, tough, nasty, ugly, we have talked about different scenarios many times. Guess we choose to deal with what we choose to do.

 

Uh oh, Mount. For someone who so carefully plans things out (him and you) why isn't his apartment ready to go? It's still in 'tour' stage?

 

I hope you realize that there are going to be many more talks between them, she might not let go so easily. Will you be monitoring all the talks?

 

I'm really not trying to be snarky, I just tend to expect the worst.

Edited by Mount
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
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Did exactly as planned.

 

Told BS and now he is here. BS was shocked and wanted to retain the marriage and he does not want. Next few weeks will continue proceeding as planned.

 

 

His wife hadn't had any suspicions of the affair prior to his revealing it today?

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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Did he just state he wanted a divorce or was he honest about your affair and your plans to be together?

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spice4life Established Member

spice4life

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Good luck on this journey, Mount - I wish you the best. You must feel sooo relieved that it's all out in the open now. It will be a tough road for a while - divorce is never easy - but as long as you are there for him and support him in the ways he needs then you should be fine. Once he has place of his own things will be a little easier. It will give him space and peace from the drama divorce can create.

 

Best wishes and don't forget to take care of yourself too!

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Mount Established Member

Mount

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YOu need to see how many stuff (his clothes, work stuff, all kinds of computers, even wet laundry) he took with him once he finished the talking with wife. He has no intend to continue marriage anymore.

 

Did he just state he wanted a divorce or was he honest about your affair and your plans to be together?
Praying4Peace Established Member

Praying4Peace

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Mount- I'm sure she was pissed off too and didn't want him around! Though she might feel differently later on. If she knows about the affair then I doubt she's going to give up without a fight. And that means not only for the marriage but also on the terms of the divorce. I think you said he's pretty well off so $ isn't a concern.

 

If she knows about the affair, she might come after you (call you up, etc.) Right?

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Mount Established Member

Mount

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Anyway, it is what it is, real life thing, things happen.

 

I wont have too much time posting, guess you are aware I am busy for.

 

Will update later.

 

Mount- I'm sure she was pissed off too and didn't want him around! Though she might feel differently later on. If she knows about the affair then I doubt she's going to give up without a fight. And that means not only for the marriage but also on the terms of the divorce. I think you said he's pretty well off so $ isn't a concern.

 

If she knows about the affair, she might come after you (call you up, etc.) Right?

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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YOu need to see how many stuff (his clothes, work stuff, all kinds of computers, even wet laundry) he took with him once he finished the talking with wife. He has no intend to continue marriage anymore.

 

My question went unanswered...

 

Did he tell her about your affair?

 

It's a yes or no answer...

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Mount Established Member

Mount

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Yes, of course. And I dont under why even it was a question....seriously I don't understand.

 

He clearly told her he does not have feeling, connection...etc etc etc with wife anymore, thus wants out. Starting from separation.

 

Current step, him find short term place and long term place to stay, next step, lawyer which he already consulted a few weeks ago.

 

Hope above clear enough.

 

 

 

My question went unanswered...

 

Did he tell her about your affair?

 

It's a yes or no answer...

KeepMeInMind Established Member

KeepMeInMind

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Did exactly as planned.

 

Told BS and now he is here. BS was shocked and wanted to retain the marriage and he does not want. Next few weeks will continue proceeding as planned.

 

 

Fair warning, if she's fighting to stay together, there's a pretty damn good chance he'll freak out and go back before the divorce is final. Ask me how I know. :(

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Praying4Peace Established Member

Praying4Peace

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And don't think the 30 year old children won't get involved on behalf of their totally blindsided mom.

 

I'm not saying he still won't do it, but he should do it by himself and not from within the protection of Mount's apartment. That way there's no 'residue' on her.

 

Anyways, what do I know? Maybe Mount and her MM do have it all planned out. Just trying to be helpful.

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Summer Breeze Established Member

Summer Breeze

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Mount. dMM and I are building something right now and I'll let you know it's taking a lot of work. I wasn't with him during his D. I didn't speak to him till it was almost final. One of the things he resents is that I wasn't there to support him and I have to say I regret it too. I wouldn't have wanted to be in the middle of it but I would do it slightly different if I could go back.

 

My point is you have to do what you think is right for you and MM. If it works for him to be with you while he's going through it all then go for it. Be aware of the pitfalls and pain that could crop up but do what is best for you guys.

 

I am happy for you and I do wish you luck. I hope you both work hard on laying a solid foundation for your future. One more thing. Don't put pressure on yourself about the R. You're moving from one phase to another and there is no guarantee it'll work out with the changes. He made his choices to leave home and you both are trying for something more. If it isn't working and if there comes a time you don't see it working you make sure and be honest with yourself and him. Because he left and you're together now doesn't mean you'll be together in a year, 2, or 5.

 

Good luck

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted response to deleted posts
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Mount Established Member

Mount

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Yes...excuted as planned.

 

One thing, MM has determined not going back marriage at all, does not matter what intervention from his family will happen.

 

It is what it is....as I said before here I said again, we choose what to do and aware what is going to happen.

 

Also, really too busy (due to so many things that need to accomplish, including work)....thus I would sometimes feel inpatient repeating answering some same questions here again and again.

 

And don't think the 30 year old children won't get involved on behalf of their totally blindsided mom.

 

I'm not saying he still won't do it, but he should do it by himself and not from within the protection of Mount's apartment. That way there's no 'residue' on her.

 

Anyways, what do I know? Maybe Mount and her MM do have it all planned out. Just trying to be helpful.

ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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Summer Breeze wrote, " out the BS in the situation and it's not about what others think SHTs thoughts are. If you want to discuss what his BS is going through then start a new thread. If you don't like the things SHT posts or thinks then do what I do with some posters -- ignore them or move on so as not to provoke."

 

Summer Breeze :) I respect your stitch but on a side note (kind of funny...*) maybe don't Abbreviate sohappy's name because I read it twice wondering why you were calling someone sh*t... :D. That's the abbreviation I use sometimes and fear others may also.

 

Anyway, I'm glad things are moving ahead w/you*

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Summer Breeze Established Member

Summer Breeze

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Summer Breeze wrote, " out the BS in the situation and it's not about what others think SHTs thoughts are. If you want to discuss what his BS is going through then start a new thread. If you don't like the things SHT posts or thinks then do what I do with some posters -- ignore them or move on so as not to provoke."

 

Summer Breeze :) I respect your stitch but on a side note (kind of funny...*) maybe don't Abbreviate sohappy's name because I read it twice wondering why you were calling someone sh*t... :D. That's the abbreviation I use sometimes and fear others may also.

 

Anyway, I'm glad things are moving ahead w/you*

 

 

Oooops! :love: Never even thought of that CIH!

 

And thank you.

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Mount Established Member

Mount

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Guess I did not mention one thing - last minute I sent MM text asking him reconsidering the timeline, which means I asked him to not do it (exit marriage) untill our original timeline the end of June. Then next thing in the morning MM replied me back saying, he did not want to postpone, decision had been made thus he proceeded as it was.

 

 

Well I call it lucky because this board is littered with OW who had MM's that promised to leave and never did or couldn't go through with it at the last minute. You seem like a very self confidant woman though so I wouldn't worry about it.
Summer Breeze Established Member

Summer Breeze

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Mount. I'm a little curious about one thing. You didn't want him to move up the timeline. Was that because of the family commitments and stuff you mentioned earlier in the thread?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted response to deleted post
William Established Member

William

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Good morning. Did a little cleanup. Comments about timelines moving up and their relevance to the thread starter's situation, posted within our guidelines, are welcomed. Have a great week.

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Mount Established Member

Mount

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Very good.....quailty time is priceless...

 

Back to main topic, both of us still work on the detailed stuff, just like accommplish a project, when you finish all the dots, result is achieved.

 

Although we are aware, the road could be bumpy and leadtime could be long (1 year ish to final D).

 

Mount, how are you doing with all the changes that occured over the weekend?
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Mount Established Member

Mount

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Not only that, also because busy work month, meetings, tons of workload.

 

Mount. I'm a little curious about one thing. You didn't want him to move up the timeline. Was that because of the family commitments and stuff you mentioned earlier in the thread?
Got it Established Member

Got it

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Mount,

 

I am glad that he had the conversation and that he is moving into his own place. There will be some ups and downs for him while he navigates his divorce and you want your separation from this. Continue to focus on your life and let him focus on his.

 

You may find that your name will be discovered and I have found with all of this it is better to be proactive with information than reactive. This will vary on a case by case scenario but just my thoughts from a similar situation. I do recommend IC for both of you so you can work through your own thoughts and feelings as well as him (if you guys aren't doing it already). And I found couples counseling to be very beneficial for us during S/D. It really helped with building a good foundation for our relationship as you handle the different stresses of life and the divorce.

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findingnemo Established Member

findingnemo

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He did it!!!:bunny: Wow, and before the planned date too. Now there's a man who does what he needs to do.

 

There may be lots of anger from the BW. Expect that and understand it, Mount.

 

The A is over!!! Now time to build a R. I wish you two the best and I hope that somehow, in some way, his family will get through this without major long term effects...

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