thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 OK... Would you ever end a relationship with someone you were heavily in loive with and physically attracted to because you felt insecure that he was going to eventually leave you for another woman? Even if the man never gave you any indication that he would do that? If you somehow felt much less attractive than the guy, would you end it thinking he would eventially see past your other attributes and "wake up" and want out?? Yes, there is a story behind this question, but just curious if that is a real reason for ending a relationship? I dont quite get it, but perhaps its just my naivety of how women operate and how they react to certain stimuli.. Thanks in advance TFY
DinSa Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Well if the guy does not show signs of unfaithfulness or of being a womanizer, I would never leave him. Of course the guy in question should make the girl feel attractive and beautiful - after all women want to be secure that the guy they are with really finds them attractive and love them for themselves. I guess having such a guy would make the girl feel loved, happy and will eventually delete any insecurities she might have about herself.
Keenly Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I guess having such a guy would make the girl feel loved, happy and will eventually delete any insecurities she might have about herself. Ahahahahaha :laugh::laugh: No it wont.
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Well if the guy does not show signs of unfaithfulness or of being a womanizer, I would never leave him. Of course the guy in question should make the girl feel attractive and beautiful - after all women want to be secure that the guy they are with really finds them attractive and love them for themselves. I guess having such a guy would make the girl feel loved, happy and will eventually delete any insecurities she might have about herself. She would say things like..."what do you possibly see in me?"...Or ..."How can someone like you find anything attractive about me?".. She was also insanely jealous..If she so much as caught another woman looking my way, she wouldnt talk to me for hours after.. And understand, I never once said anything that would make her believe that I felt like this...And I didnt!! She says it was "too much work" trying to meet my "standard"...I dont know what the heck she was talking about! Its frustrating.. TFY
Keenly Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 She would say things like..."what do you possibly see in me?"...Or ..."How can someone like you find anything attractive about me?".. She was also insanely jealous..If she so much as caught another woman looking my way, she wouldnt talk to me for hours after.. And understand, I never once said anything that would make her believe that I felt like this...And I didnt!! She says it was "too much work" trying to meet my "standard"...I dont know what the heck she was talking about! Its frustrating.. TFY This is her being an insecure bitch. You don't want a woman like that, because its exhausting.
Foreverandalwaysxo Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 This girl obviously has major trust issues and is insecure. Which means she ISNT ready for a relationship. She has to deal with her issues before getting involved with someone because that isn't fair for you... All to say, staying with a girl like that will only cause problems to your relationship and it wont last trust me.
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Here is the thing... Alright, I am NOT Gods gift to women..I do have a very good physique and work hard at it..I, however, I am as unassuming as anyone you would meet on the street. Its never about the vanity aspect, I just like how I feel when I am in great shape. I keep myself covered at all times except when its brutally hot and never "flaunt" it..I do, "live the life" though..I eat a somewhat special diet and dont miss workouts except for very rare occasions..Not that I dont splurge a bit when I dine out.. When I met her, she had lost about 50 lbs. then lost another 20 when I was with her. She looked fabulous. Really got into eating right and staying fit. I helped her and (as she said) "inspired" her to take herself to a level she hadnt ever had. Her confidence was through the roof.. She left in early December..In January she met another guy that is the polar opposite of me.. Obese...I mean like morbidly obese...And while I am not Brad Pitt, this guy is unattractive by any measure..And here is the puzzling thing...She looks like she put on about 40 lbs! All in 6 months! Doesnt even look like the same person I knew.. Very weird...or maybe it isnt?? Help me here, ladies..Where did I go wrong? I never on one single occasion ssid anything derogatory towards her appearance..I only complimented her..Did I "gush" over her? Probably not, but that is because I just dont express myself that way...I let people know where they stand with me, but I am not one to shout from the mountain tops.. Thanks for the input...keep it coming... TFY
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 If you're beyond high school, most likely it's the usual "it's not you, it's me" excuse. Did the dumper actively try to get back together with the dumpee, or was the dumpee fishing for why she broke up with him? Most dumpers have no interest in making a breakup more painful than it has to be, so providing the dumpee with a laundry list of his flaws and shortcomings just isn't happening. It's truly pointless to ask. You may get something, but it's rarely the full truth. If they vent and need to share the real truth, it will be with a friend, not the ex. Meanwhile the ex will get some version of "I'm so troubled, disturbed and flawed I'm incapable of a relationship with you" or "You're too good for me. I don't deserve someone as great as you" or "I can't make you happy. I can't give you what you deserve." Claiming you the dumper are the problem is an end run around the bargaining and begging most dumpees engage in when some dealbreaker deficiency in the relationship or behavior is cited. Instead, the dumpee feels he's fantastic and the dumper gets to move on to her next relationship without a lot of fuss. Best possible outcome. Everyone is or feels like a winner.
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Oh...and let me add another thing... I have a very attractive office manager/assistant that works for me....She demanded that I fire her..It really pissed her off, even though there is absolutely nothing going on between us... I know this reeks of insecurity..but.. TFY
CarrieT Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Help me here, ladies..Where did I go wrong? It is entirely possible (i.e., PROBABLE) that you did nothing wrong. You are equating your entire relationship down to looks and weight and for many, there is a great deal more than that. There may have been for your relationship with her, but you haven't told us anything about that. Just about weight and appearance. Perhaps you weren't "the guy" for her in that regard.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) Here is the thing... Alright, I am NOT Gods gift to women..I do have a very good physique and work hard at it..I, however, I am as unassuming as anyone you would meet on the street. Its never about the vanity aspect, I just like how I feel when I am in great shape. I keep myself covered at all times except when its brutally hot and never "flaunt" it..I do, "live the life" though..I eat a somewhat special diet and dont miss workouts except for very rare occasions..Not that I dont splurge a bit when I dine out.. When I met her, she had lost about 50 lbs. then lost another 20 when I was with her. She looked fabulous. Really got into eating right and staying fit. I helped her and (as she said) "inspired" her to take herself to a level she hadnt ever had. Her confidence was through the roof.. She left in early December..In January she met another guy that is the polar opposite of me.. Obese...I mean like morbidly obese...And while I am not Brad Pitt, this guy is unattractive by any measure..And here is the puzzling thing...She looks like she put on about 40 lbs! All in 6 months! Doesnt even look like the same person I knew.. Very weird...or maybe it isnt?? Help me here, ladies..Where did I go wrong? I never on one single occasion ssid anything derogatory towards her appearance..I only complimented her..Did I "gush" over her? Probably not, but that is because I just dont express myself that way...I let people know where they stand with me, but I am not one to shout from the mountain tops.. Thanks for the input...keep it coming... TFY Ah, this is about you! I was responding to your OP originally. He meets some relationship needs of hers that you didn't...and she felt you never would after spending sustained time with you. It takes more than a hard body to sustain a relationship with most women. It's a little telling that you focus exclusively on physique and not on how you treated her or the relationship itself. Edited June 1, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 If you're beyond high school, most likely it's the usual "it's not you, it's me" excuse. Did the dumper actively try to get back together with the dumpee, or was the dumpee fishing for why she broke up with him? Most dumpers have no interest in making a breakup more painful than it has to be, so providing the dumpee with a laundry list of his flaws and shortcomings just isn't happening. It's truly pointless to ask. You may get something, but it's rarely the full truth. If they vent and need to share the real truth, it will be with a friend, not the ex. Meanwhile the ex will get some version of "I'm so troubled, disturbed and flawed I'm incapable of a relationship with you" or "You're too good for me. I don't deserve someone as great as you" or "I can't make you happy. I can't give you what you deserve." Claiming you the dumper are the problem is an end run around the bargaining and begging most dumpees engage in when some dealbreaker deficiency in the relationship or behavior is cited. Instead, the dumpee feels he's fantastic and the dumper gets to move on to her next relationship without a lot of fuss. Best possible outcome. Everyone is or feels like a winner. Yes, but she said these things not after but in the beginning and all during the r?? How would you also explain the sudden weight gain after the r ended? And moving on to a guy that might be perceived by anyone off the street as "less threatening"?? Im just trying to figure out where I went wrong... In this case it might just be that she wants someone who is below her standard so she doesnt have to worry about losing the other person?? Im just speculating... BTW, I am over it completely..Frankly, I just want to know if there was anything I could have done differently to avoid any issues later on.?? PS..We are adults... TFY
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) Ah, this is about you! I was responding to your OP originally. He meets some relationship needs of hers that you didn't...and she felt you never would after spending sustained time with you. It takes more than a hard body to sustain a relationship with most women. It's a little telling that you focus exclusively on physique and not on how you treated her or the relationship itself. Dont read into that.... I purposefully do not want to give the whole story..If you want to know it I will PM it to you..All I say is that according to her(her words)..No one ever treated her or her child as well as I did..I did everything any woman could possibly want.. And read my previous post...I DO NOT flaunt and I am as unpretentious as anyone you would meet..I dont do it for those reasons..If I did, I would be walking around in a wife beater and searching for nothing but Barbies! Its not what I seek in a relationship..I am a guy that looks for more than a pretty face or a smokin body...Its actually low on my list. Sure there has to be a physical connection, but personality and ideals are more important.. Or maybe i didnt, I dont know..?? TFY Edited June 1, 2013 by thefooloftheyear
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Sorry. I can only go off the little you provide. I meant no offense. I was simply providing my observations. This is a general comment. With both genders, sometimes you have fun dating someone who is Mr./Ms. Right Now while continuing to look for Mr./Ms. Relationship Material. For me, someone can interact well with my family and have an eight-pack. That has zero bearing on whether he is relationship material. Different people use different criteria. It's a mistake to think someone uses the same criteria you do. Now, in coming up with the "it's not you, it's me" excuse, you typically highlight something that the person is great at as the reason why you're so flawed and idiotic, making the ended relationship unsalvageable. My advice: she's moved on since she's with someone else. What she values will be different than what the next woman values. Focus on being the best you. The right woman for you will find that attractive.
todreaminblue Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 No, personally I would not....I would work on discovering why i felt so insecure with a guy who had not done anything remotely suspicious......most of the guys i have gone out with i consider to have been way better looking than what i am ....if a guy is going to to cheat ....doesnt take looks to do that ...its part of his personality.....who he is.....its not determined by looks anyway, when i really like someone.....i am loathe to let my insecurities damage a relationship..... even me having history of having relationships with two cheating partners........ doesnt change the fact i believe there are faithful men out there...good looking or not.....its not about looks with infidelity...circumstances happen that most men will have temptation in front of them.........its the guys with a bit of personal will power strength and conviction who dont cheat.so....i try to find men to date who have conviction, inner strength........strength and values that are similar to mine...when i find them....i trust them ....until proven otherwise.......i am not a cheat......so I can trust others...as i want to be trusted..deb
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