michaelbluth Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) We had the same group of friends- something I will never do again in a relationship. Anyway, after the breakup I would be invited places but would turn down the invitation because she would be there. I wanted to heal (still working on that) so I would avoid those situations. I found out through facebook (I have her blocked) that I am no longer even being invited places they are just going with her as I see her in pictures from other people's profiles. The whole situation just sucks. I lost my best friend when she broke up with me and now this. I found out through an accidental text that everyone is going to a winery today and it just made me really really upset. I need to find new friends. Thanks for listening. Edited June 1, 2013 by michaelbluth grammar
BustedUpInside Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 That is awful. Awful for you, and awful for your friends. They probably do want to hang out with you, but just assume that you don't want to do things if there is a chance she is going to be there. That is terrible for you though. Just when you are getting ready to get back out there and have some fun, it seems like everyone has already abandoned you. You didn't really ask for advice, but I think you should try to reconnect a little bit. Maybe you could suggest an outing and then invite people yourself. That way, no one would invite your ex and you could have fun with your friends again. Once they know that you are ready to start accepting invitations again, I would be willing to bet that they will be eager to start including you again. 1
Author michaelbluth Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 That is awful. Awful for you, and awful for your friends. They probably do want to hang out with you, but just assume that you don't want to do things if there is a chance she is going to be there. That is terrible for you though. Just when you are getting ready to get back out there and have some fun, it seems like everyone has already abandoned you. You didn't really ask for advice, but I think you should try to reconnect a little bit. Maybe you could suggest an outing and then invite people yourself. That way, no one would invite your ex and you could have fun with your friends again. Once they know that you are ready to start accepting invitations again, I would be willing to bet that they will be eager to start including you again. Thank you for responding. It made me feel better. Yeah, I should do something like that. I am also going to try and make new friends though as well because I can't see myself wanting to see her socially for a long time and maybe never. It was just hard to get that text and then have them apologize for sending it to me. We all just graduated law school and all of my friends that were not mutual have moved away so I am in a weird place. I also have two siblings that treat their SO's badly and date people that are way too good for them. But both are getting married in the next six months. It's annoying.
BustedUpInside Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I also have two siblings that treat their SO's badly and date people that are way too good for them. But both are getting married in the next six months. It's annoying. Transitions in life make break ups even worse. Nobody really likes change and that is when they aren't necessarily bad. Losing friends and a girlfriend in a relatively short period of time can be really traumatizing. I am going through something very similar so I know how it can make you feel like you aren't ever going to get back to normal. It can also make you put your old life on a pedestal, but you have to remember that there were probably times in your old life that you wished for exactly what you have now.....a fresh start. As for your siblings, that does sound like it would be really irritating to watch. Life can seem really unfair when you are the good one and yet you see others getting something that you have wanted and feel you deserve in your own life. My response would be that time usually takes care of situations like this without you having to do a thing. This will probably only make sense to you in a few years, when you are doing great and in some happy relationship and your siblings, if they don't change, will not be enjoying the same type of life. Be nice to yourself! You have a lot going for you and the nice thing about a fresh start is that you only have possibilities in front of you 1
Maleficent Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 We had the same group of friends- something I will never do again in a relationship. Anyway, after the breakup I would be invited places but would turn down the invitation because she would be there. I wanted to heal (still working on that) so I would avoid those situations. I found out through facebook (I have her blocked) that I am no longer even being invited places they are just going with her as I see her in pictures from other people's profiles. The whole situation just sucks. I lost my best friend when she broke up with me and now this. I found out through an accidental text that everyone is going to a winery today and it just made me really really upset. I need to find new friends. Thanks for listening. Well you always turned their invitations down so they just stopped inviting you. Have you contacted them? They are in a situation where they are stuck between you and your ex. It sucks. If you haven't contacted them, they'll just think you'd rather keep your distance and so they're just trying to respect your wish.
Author michaelbluth Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Well you always turned their invitations down so they just stopped inviting you. Have you contacted them? They are in a situation where they are stuck between you and your ex. It sucks. If you haven't contacted them, they'll just think you'd rather keep your distance and so they're just trying to respect your wish. I made plans once and someone ended up inviting her. I think it was a guy that we suspected had a crush on her when we dated. They were well aware I didn't want to see her. Anywho...
coltsfan1 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I had a very similar situation happen in a previous break up. You will just have to move on if people are inviting her to your planned activities. I went through it as well & it sucks but trust me you WILL make new friends if you try to. Something I learned is if your a high value person/friend you will attract other high value people. Just do your best to put your ex out your mind, try and grow as a person, then you'll have put yourself in a position to be around other high value people.
carhill Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 My sympathies. Between the normal attrition from divorce and my exW talking about our M, a lot of people disappeared during our D. I kept my core group of male friends whom have been a lifesaver during a very difficult life period. I doubt that is unique. Part of life. It'll get better.
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