lovesick1 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Little background- dated my ex on and off for almost three years, most of the break ups were instigated by me, and most of the relationship was long distance. We got back together last summer and when she went back to school she left me for another guy. She lied that she was seeing anyone, then finally confessed two weeks later after practically ignoring me and leaving me in the dark the entire time. I was a train wreck and she is currently still dating the guy she left me for. Fast forward around 6-7 months and I was back on my feet, had several other random sexual encounters and was ready to pursue another relationship. I met my current girlfriend back in March and was immediately attracted to her. Over the course of a month we gradually started talking and eventually started dating and still are. I find her attractive, and while the relationship is much more mature and supportive, it never had much of a spark to it in the beginning, certainly not the spark my relationship with the ex had (talked until 5 in the morning the night we met, head over heels). We get along easily, but it just flat out does not have the level of passion I had in my last relationship, at least not on my end. She has been gone the past week and comes back today, and since then I have found myself thinking quite a lot about my ex. My ex had asked to be facebook friends with me again, around when some pictures of me and this new girl appeared, but I politely shut her down saying I didn't want to jeopardize my new relationship. I know that was the smart thing to do, but I am kind of regretting it now. Can I get some advice on how to forget my ex? I recently got laid off from my job so I think part of it is just being idle with little to do, so I am thinking more about her. But when comparing the two relationships, I don't have the same level of zeal in my new relationship and it just makes me miss talking to my ex. From what I can tell from her pictures on facebook (my friend is friends with her) with her new guy she is in the exact same kind of relationship I am in now- more mature and supportive but lacks the passion, and considering she has already tried to reestablish contact it makes me think she is having these same feelings as me. I guess styles of relationships just change with age, but I worry about the lack of passion in my new relationship. I love how much more supportive and mature it is, but I never really even experienced the puppy love stage and that bothers me. My friend seems to have similar thoughts as me, he says he can tell I'm not as over the moon about this girl as I was with my ex. Thoughts?
undergroundlife13 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 If you are not over your ex you should not pursue a new relationship. Im learning this the hard way. Its not fair to your new girlfriend you should give her 100%. Think about it like this: your ex has moved on and so should you. Your ex is an ex for a reason, and you wont move forward if you keep looking back. My breakup had me rebounding and i mesed things up. Ask yourself if you think this is fair to her. what if she did the same to you?
Author lovesick1 Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 I was sort of expecting a reply like that. The part about looking back and not moving forward makes a lot of sense. I only really seem to feel this way when I have little to do or few people to talk to. I thought for sure I was over my old ex and felt great after having some casual rebound sex, but I still think about her and miss talking to her. Like I said before though, I feel talking to her could jeopardize what I have now and I don't want to mess it up. I know that us talking even a little would reignite that spark in a heartbeat because it's happened multiple times before, even after we've both seen other people. Hard to really move on from someone when you were the biggest impact in each others lives, but I am trying.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 First...a word about first loves. You will NEVER forget that passion, puppy love and excitement. It will be a part of your life forever and will continue to affect each subsequent relationship. This does NOT mean you will always love and miss your ex. It just means that she was your first love and no one else can hold that position. You will always have a place in your heart for her. Now, assuming you really WANT your ex to remain your ex...the only thing you can do is give yourself time to get over her. There is no magic fix. That saying "time heals all wounds" is TRUE. In order to aid the process, you need to cut off all contact, get rid of all pictures (if you can't bear deleting them from your computer then you need to save them on an external drive and hide it somewhere) and STOP looking at her Facebook. You need to put away all letters and artifacts from your relationship. You don't need to throw them away completely because I understand they are a part of your memories and life, but they can't be in plain view. Once you've done all that, you need to move forward, minute by minute, day by day. Let yourself think about her if you want to--the mind does what it wants but eventually you WILL have a day when you don't think about her, and then a day later you'll realize "Wow, I didn't think about so-and-so ALL day yesterday!" This will happen with more and more frequency until you look back on your relationship with what will then be a clear head. You'll be able to see the issues for what they were and not beat her or yourself up about them. You'll be able to look back on the good times fondly but not feel the ache of missing her. This will all come in TIME. It might take another six months, a year, or even five years. But I promise you will get there. Time and patience is very underrated in our go-go-go society, but in matters of the heart, it's truly the best medicine.
apple OR orange Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 so, if your not over your ex then why arnt you with him?
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