Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 my ldr bf used to talk about having an open relationship because of the distance and not being able to see each other physically for months at a time. we have dated other people while we were in a online relationship before because of the distance. but now we are seeing each other one every couple of month and we are in love. now that we are physically together and sexually open about everything he said we should have someone on the side because we are not being sexually satisfied-due to the distance. he always says i am his only love and he wants me only emotionally and sexually, and i know he cares about me 100% but he needs to be satisfied sexually when i am away. he says that if we were together and both satisfied he would not need to have anyone on the side. i have agreed to this in the past because i love him, and he does not mind me having someone on the side as long as he knows about it and we are both open. i know he has an extremely stressful job so he needs it. i said i dont mind him having anyone on the side if he is not in love with them but i dont need or want anyone else for me. he just wants and needs sex does this meen we are doomed? i am abit upset but i was expecting this, i am glad he is open and honest rather than cheating and hiding it. i knew it was coming. i want to tell him how i feel but i do not want to lose him. he does not have anyone else at the moment as he asked me first and i said ok. he asked me if i know anyone for him i said no. dont know what to think or say anymore
Els Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 IMO, if you're not into open relationships, this should be a huge dealbreaker. LDRs are an investment. There is not much use investing in someone who puts his sexual 'needs' above loyalty to you, is there? He's clearly not worth struggling through the distance for. 5
Author Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 i don't know what to do as i dont want to end it, i am afraid to talk to him about it because i know i will get into a fight and end it
HeavenOrHell Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 To be honest it does sound like you're not compatible in this regard, you feel you can't tell him that you'd be unhappy with it as you'd end up rowing, but you'll end up rowing anyway if he has sex with anyone else. It's good he told you what his needs are without going ahead and just cheating on you, but if you think he'd split up with you if you said no, then it would mean he's not as invested in this r/ship as you are. In a committed LDR couples have no need to have sex with someone else as they find ways of being sexual with each other when apart, and having sex with someone else just isn't worth screwing up the r/ship for, it's not worth ruining the emotional closeness for. So it depends what is more important to him, his r/ship with you, or having sex with other people. Lots of people in LDR's are stressed with work etc, it doesn't mean they want to have sex with other people. 3
Author Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 i am confused because he wants me to get pregnant and now he says this
TaraMaiden Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 This is dysfunction at its finest. This is not okay with you, and you should say so. You allow yourself to be ridden roughshod over, and intimidated into accepting a situation you find uncomfortable, unwelcome and definitely uneasy about - because you're afraid of 'losing' him. Sorry my dear, but you're being ridiculous. If you permit him to treat you this disrespectfully now, if as and when you are together, he may well wish to continue having sex with other women, and will merrily continue to do so. Only, he will keep it secret, because he will 'be with you' then. And when you make the awful discovery that he has been cheating on you, he will protest his sexual needs are great, you agreed to it before, so he doesn't know what all the fuss is about now - after all, he's with you because he loves you - no? No, he's with you, because you tacitly agree to him having the best of both worlds. He's a 'cake-eater'. Honey - dump him. No person worth their salt will openly cheat on their partner, and rely upon their good nature and affection to make it ok. It's unacceptable, it's unreasonable and it's completely unfair. He truly isn't worth your time, effort or kindness. Forget any ultimatum. No, "it's either me and nobody else, or go phukk whoever you want, but as far as 'we' are concerned, it's over, make your choice...." Because even if you withdraw your consent now, he will still screw other women. How will you know? And how will you stop it, anyway? No. Dump him. 4
Author Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 How old are you kids? You must be kids because this is one of the most childish situations I've ever heard of. What the hell purpose does it solve to get pregnant when you two don't even live in the same state and this guy is looking to get laid because he's so 'stressed' from work? What was your ultimate goal with this silly online thing? To be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' for the rest of your lives and meet in person every 3 or 4 months? And in those off months, use other people for sex? This is trainwreck looking to happen. Get your life in order before doing something so irresponsible as getting pregnant. My brain is ready to blow up. yes it is crazy, he wants me pregant so that i can leave my job and move to him, he knows i am very career oriented and dont want kids yet. his dad is dying( see my old posts) so he wants a child before he dies, kind of silly i know as we shud be married first. i am 24 and he 34. i just told him 'see whoever u want but dont expect me to see u again' he apologised for upsetting me and said he will not see anyone else. but i am still upset and disappointed i didnt reply to him and wont initiate any further contact 1
Author Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 and thanks everyone for making me see sense and putting him right 2
TaraMaiden Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Aicha, the guy's an idiot. he wants to get you pregnant so as to coerce you into leaving your job - and to keep his father happy before he dies?? How's about those for wild, stupid, crazy reckless and pointless reasons? What kind of a dad do you want for your children - if you ever actually want children at all? I think it in your very best interests to completely kick this jerk to the kerb. He's just childish. 1
Author Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Aicha, the guy's an idiot. he wants to get you pregnant so as to coerce you into leaving your job - and to keep his father happy before he dies?? How's about those for wild, stupid, crazy reckless and pointless reasons? What kind of a dad do you want for your children - if you ever actually want children at all? I think it in your very best interests to completely kick this jerk to the kerb. He's just childish. thing is he says he loves me and shows this in words and actions. and i love him back. so its easier said than done. i can move on and forget him though i just dont want to
LittleTiger Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 thing is he says he loves me and shows this in words and actions. and i love him back. so its easier said than done. i can move on and forget him though i just dont want to Aicha, if you really believe this, you have a very strange idea of love. 3
justwhoiam Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I would invite you to accurately revise the meter with which you measure a man's chivalry. Thinking he's not cheap because he pays for everything. A man acting like this is not my idea of gentleman. Also, I read your past threads and you sound like a very immature girl. You must need counselling or something. Please read what you wrote in the time span of around 20 DAYS. should i end LDR with him? we met once, we are in love, he alwasy tells me he is crazy about me and loves me, misses me etc. but he removed me from both fb acounts as his friend, and gave me excuses such as he had been hacked. he doesnt communicate enought, the past week i heard nothing from him, he just replied to my text asking if he was ok. he said he was ok and he misses me loads. he is abroad with his ill mum which i assume is why he hasnt been in contact. my friends are scepticle of him, they feel he is messing around because of the lack of communication while we are apart. surely he should have a minute to text me everyday. he cant be that busy! my bf makes fun of me my bf makes fun of my accent. i grew up in a rough part of london so my accent is very street. he is on the other hand high class. how can i get him to want to marry me how can i get my bf to think about marriage with me? we have been together for a year. how can i get him to want to keep me forever? i wont be seeing him for 2 months. so i really want to keep him thinking of me in the meanwhile as well as in future. he tells me about his plans to have children and move to west london-which is not far for me to relocate. I won't add quotes from your very recent threads about paying your flights. 3
Author Aicha Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 I would invite you to accurately revise the meter with which you measure a man's chivalry. Thinking he's not cheap because he pays for everything. A man acting like this is not my idea of gentleman. Also, I read your past threads and you sound like a very immature girl. You must need counselling or something. Please read what you wrote in the time span of around 20 DAYS. I won't add quotes from your very recent threads about paying your flights. yep, we have a strange relationship, he can seem strange but he is great in person believe me. i am due to see him in two weeks time- when i told him i need to know suitable dates to book flight he didnt want me to pay so he booked a ticket to come see me instead...i might just not see him though as i need to teach him a lesson and stop contact
justwhoiam Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 he is great in person believe me. What you told us about him is not great. BELIEVE ME. when i told him i need to know suitable dates to book flight he didnt want me to pay so he booked a ticket to come see me instead... You flying there and he visiting you is not the same thing. He's bossing you around. You wanted to go there, and he prevented you from doing that, and it sounds like it was a one-way decision on his part. Sorry but it looks like this guy is using you. Stop thinking of him as your possible husband or, even worse, father of your children. i might just not see him though as i need to teach him a lesson and stop contact If he knows where you live, how can you avoid that? Did he ask you to be his girlfriend? Did he introduce you to his family? I guess not, as you met ONLY ONCE. And you need to reflect upon your castles in the air. You said he's rich and high-class, and he just met you once IN ONE YEAR. Come on. And he's keeping you in the dark and away from his TWO FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS. The less you know, the better it is. 5
umirano Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 so he booked a ticket to come see me instead... Maybe he's not so much interested in you meeting is FWB, that he tried to get you to agree to.
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