Goodbye Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I have been grieving this "loss" now since the end of March. I feel I've given it enough of my heart and my mind. So much of it is out of control. Even last night, the smell of the spring air jogged strong memories of times spent with exMM. I need a fresh start. I need to force myself to get some perspective. I seriously doubt he is dedicating hours each day to trying to figure out his heart ache. I doubt he has put on 20 pounds since December. I doubt he is in therapy. I'm going to focus more on myself this month. Doing small stuff...walking every day. There are lots of us on this section of the board who joined in March and April...seems like a bad spring for AP's. Come here and post about what you are doing to make positive change in your lives and move away from the mind and heart consuming emotions associated with your affairs. 2
missy268 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I have too decided that i am getting over my guy once and for all. the other guy in my life is now single, but we had our relationship when he was in a relationship. He came back at Christmas...and it all started again, ihe was with his ex at the time, but now he's gone again and has been gone now for 10 weeks. I last spoke to him 7 weeks ago. I miss him terribley but he has treated me so badly. I decided not to give himt he time of day, or spend too much time thinking about him. So many things trigger me off, and it just seems impossible. He never deserved me and when i am slipping and thinking about him, i need to remember some of the awful stuff he did....and remember that he is not my destiny so to speak Keep going - you will get there x x
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I have been grieving this "loss" now since the end of March. I feel I've given it enough of my heart and my mind. So much of it is out of control. Even last night, the smell of the spring air jogged strong memories of times spent with exMM. I need a fresh start. I need to force myself to get some perspective. I seriously doubt he is dedicating hours each day to trying to figure out his heart ache. I doubt he has put on 20 pounds since December. I doubt he is in therapy. I'm going to focus more on myself this month. Doing small stuff...walking every day. There are lots of us on this section of the board who joined in March and April...seems like a bad spring for AP's. Come here and post about what you are doing to make positive change in your lives and move away from the mind and heart consuming emotions associated with your affairs. Bolded part - Who cares??!! Yes, DO focus on you. Rebuild your self confidence, after any break up, whether it be affair related or not, self esteem takes a hit, so be good to yourself. Get a new haircut, spend some money on yourself and do something special.
thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Feel better...you will get there eventually, even though it seems impossible at the moment..I know the feeling... One day at a time... TFY 1
bellasue Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Goodbye: Like you, I am seriously grieving the loss of my good friend. Some days I am able to get a brief reprieve for a few hours from thinking of him. I know everyone says we shouldn't devote the time or energy wondering about them, but I simply find it very difficult to think he could have just moved on, since we talked every day for many, many years and in the end saw each other every day. Stupid triggers are everywhere. Walking is good. I try to get outside and find the beautiful things in the world. Vibrant colors, unusual flowers or rock formations, children laughing and playing.....I know it's cheesy but at least I get a much needed smile. Hang in there, day by day. 2
Praying4Peace Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 What I'm doing: Focusing on my new job/career Playing with my kids Lying in the sunshine, when its around (I live in a gloomy area of the country) Eating healthy Planning to begin Yoga classes (not sure what kind I want to take) Exercising now that I have enough weight to actually do it Long walks Helping others (I worked with an organization to provide dinner/overnight beds/breakfast and lunch to homeless people) Thinking positive thoughts Helping my LS friends sort through their emotions (sometimes your own situation escapes your honest review) Reading good books
letmoc Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I have been NC for almost a week. And I have been throwing myself into work,and spending more time with my friends. Tonight I am going to go out and pretend to have a good time:sick:
Praying4Peace Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Oh yes- I'm dying to go watch a really good movie. In a theater, alone. I think this might trigger me though. We used to watch movies in the middle of the day all the time. I'd always tell him that the screen was ----> that way when I'd catch him staring. I haven't seen a movie in a theater since the A. Something I need to recapture.
DelusionalOne Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Work has been just stupid busy so that helps. Looking for a new job. And I have started taking yoga classes. 5 hours a week just to focus on me. Even talking about selling the house and moving to a new state.
BrokenPrincess Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I've been trying to do pretty much anything that keeps me from thinking...weeknights are hardest for me because I'm home with the kiddo sleeping and too tired after work anyway to invite friends over to socialize. So Ive done a couple tv show marathons off Netflix, caught up on stacks of neglected magazines, now for the past week I've been obsessively playing Candy Crush. Stupid game but I am determined to beat all the levels! Now that its warmed up outside, might start swimming at night again. I want to join a book club if I can find one, at least for the reading recommendations. XMM and I used to be a book club of 2 and would alternate choosing a book, but I think it's time for me to recapture how much I enjoy reading. And not boring history books that were his favorite!!
Praying4Peace Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Don't choose "The End of the Affair"...hehe...bad joke (actually looks like an interesting book).
BrokenPrincess Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Don't choose "The End of the Affair"...hehe...bad joke (actually looks like an interesting book). Lol sadly, Not Just Friends was the most recent book I read. Definitely ready for a new genre!!
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Well I am over 3 years out from my d day and 1 1/2 years from my husbands d day and I hate to tell you all I am just starting to feel normal. Some of it was because I jaded some mistakes that delayed healing. Anyway - I do yoga from time to time, I started taking guitar lessons about 1 1/2 years ago, so learning something new has been helpful. Anyway, my plan: 1) I want to get padi certified - been putting it off for years 2).lose the weight that I gained after I lost weight lol 3) do an open mic night 4) continue to ignore xom and his posse who are mean (I'm doing well) 5) singing with a big band this summer
Praying4Peace Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Well I am over 3 years out from my d day and 1 1/2 years from my husbands d day and I hate to tell you all I am just starting to feel normal. Some of it was because I jaded some mistakes that delayed healing. Anyway - I do yoga from time to time, I started taking guitar lessons about 1 1/2 years ago, so learning something new has been helpful. Anyway, my plan: 1) I want to get padi certified - been putting it off for years 2).lose the weight that I gained after I lost weight lol 3) do an open mic night 4) continue to ignore xom and his posse who are mean (I'm doing well) 5) singing with a big band this summer Sounds awesome! What's 'padi'?
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Scuba diving certification - I have put it off for now going on 8 years - this year I am going to do it. 1
Author Goodbye Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 I did my walking...in the repulsively oppressive heat. I spent the morning with some friends. My kids aren't with me this weekend, so this is when it gets hard. Start missing him. I felt myself started to get choked up and decided to go walk around the store mindlessly. I feel empty. It's going to take a while to fill this void.
BrokenPrincess Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Seriously try candy crush...it's like crack and a lot cheaper than the retail therapy I tried at first to keep myself busy...
Author Goodbye Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 I've been playing online Scrabble like there is no tomorrow. 2
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I did my walking...in the repulsively oppressive heat. I spent the morning with some friends. My kids aren't with me this weekend, so this is when it gets hard. Start missing him. I felt myself started to get choked up and decided to go walk around the store mindlessly. I feel empty. It's going to take a while to fill this void. The weekends are the worst - especially when you aren't busy. You are going to have to find something to fill the void - something YOU love. Good that you walked. Anything physical is great, but what else can you get into - especially the weekends you don't have your kids? Is there a project you need to dive into (cleaning a closet, organizing drawers, etc) or maybe a group you can get involved with? Try meetups - there might bed some special interest groups in your area with interests like yours. It will get better - you will still miss him probably - but the pain will become a full ache and then eventually it will be pocketed, I promise you it will. It just takes time.
Author Goodbye Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Yes, I need to get out more. Unfortunately, I live in a very "married" area, and I've found since my divorce, I don't get invited to the stuff I once did. People do things as couples and families. I'd love to move to a different area, but can't until the kids are out of high school. I need to plan a grown up trip. I loved traveling with the exMM...getting out of here. I should see if I can convince one of my unmarried friends to venture out this summer while my kids are at camp. A change of scene helps. I need to stop looking at his FB page for signs of something. It is a leftover obsessive thing. I've stopped checking my email all the time, that is good. But I tend to look at FB once or twice a day, and it stirs up stuff in me.
Pjonstone Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Congrats to you for moving on Healing does require focusing on yourself for a while. My daily life/activities never changed much since my A was LD but for about 4 months I just functioned on auto-pilot. The only activity that's changed is that I'd like to find some kind of relationship...whether that be friends or something romantic. Now if I could just figure out why all I'm finding out there in their late 40s/early 50s is guys into nsa sex/head-cases or guys in their 60 & 70s who think I'm pretty hot LOL.
Author Goodbye Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Congrats to you for moving on Healing does require focusing on yourself for a while. My daily life/activities never changed much since my A was LD but for about 4 months I just functioned on auto-pilot. The only activity that's changed is that I'd like to find some kind of relationship...whether that be friends or something romantic. Now if I could just figure out why all I'm finding out there in their late 40s/early 50s is guys into nsa sex/head-cases or guys in their 60 & 70s who think I'm pretty hot LOL. Mine was a LD relationship too, so my daily routine is the same, minus the phone calls and emails. I guess that has left an emotional hole. I haven't ventured out looking for a new relationship...but I totally relate to what you are saying about the men. Messed up men around my age like me...or really old guys. Fun!
Praying4Peace Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Seriously try candy crush...it's like crack and a lot cheaper than the retail therapy I tried at first to keep myself busy... Wow...Candy Crush is addictive. Keeps your mind perfectly busy!
CH66209 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Hi Goodbye...I've been following your story for some time. I myself went NC in April of LAST year! It took some time to accept the finality, as I was CONSTANTLY checking my phone and email, desperate for contact from xMM who lives several states away. Fortunately for me, The contact never came. When "landmark" dates, holidays and birthdays came and went with no correspondence, I began to finally really distance myself. Then, I realized one day that an important landmark date had passed and he hadn't even crossed my mind. I've visited some of the places I'd frequented with him, and finally I'm free from the sadness of memories. While I know I was no angel in the situation, I know now that he was a liar. A manipulator. And a general user. When I think back on the relationship, I regret that I allowed myself to become involved. I have finally come to the point of "What the F was I thinking?" I know that you will get there too. You're a couple months out, but you will get there. Hugs for you! C~
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