LoverOfDance Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) So I met this guy on a dating site. I've spoken to almost a 100 men now. Many of them have either wanted something short term or a fwb situation. Most of them in general have wanted to sleep with me. Not sure why it's so difficult to find a nice guy who's looking for a meaningful long term relationship. Anyways, this one guy has been talking to me 4 a few days now. He always initiates. I thought he was different because he's the only one that has been talking to me constantly everyday. I was beginning to think he actually liked me and isn't just trying to get laid. The problem is that he hasn't asked 4 my number. Yesterday when I told him I mht be deactivating my profile because I had been getting harassing messages from some guys, he said I should go ahead and do it. I don't understand. I thought he liked me. Why is he so willing 2 let me go. Why isn't he trying to get my number and keep in touch. I don't understand. Edited June 1, 2013 by LoverOfDance
Author LoverOfDance Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Thank 4 the reply. Does anyone else think this is why he didn't ask 4 my number?
stillafool Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Probably because just like you have been talking to 100 men he has been talking to 100 women and he has too many options. Why not go out and meet someone in person?
Hereiam007 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 have you ever asked a guy for his number? are you to ladylike to not ask for it? I say ask him for it. How far do you guys live from each other? most or nearly 90% of guys aren't who they say they are online.
sillyanswer Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Most of them in general have wanted to sleep with me. I'm sure that most men on dating sites want to sleep with the people they contact. Why would this be a surprise? Sex is a common component of dating for many people. I hear that some women even like it, too!
BluEyeL Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 So first of all, if he was messaging every day, still it doesn't mean anything. If it goes beyond 5-6 messages and he doesn't ask for a phone number or doesn't ask you out, he never will, and you should stop responding. I did this to two guys last week. I just stopped replying because they were not advancing it, although they were writing every day. Second, when I disabled the OKC profile for the same reason, I sent my email address to the guys that I was in contact with and seemed nice. I said "I'm disabling my profile, but I'd like to keep in contact with you if you want to. Here is my email address". Didn't give them my phone number. I continued to email and met three of the six I was talking to at the time. And in general, I don't put too much stock on the messages before meeting, i.e. I don't wonder much about the guys now. If they message more than 6 times or whatever it feels right and they don't ask me out, I delete/next. As for the sex, yes, most of them want to. Sleep with the hottest one, to spite the bad looking ones. Good luck! 1
BluEyeL Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 And this is why guys today have no idea. Because you say that but the next person will say "they asked for my number after 5 messages, how rude, all they want is sex" As a guy, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. That is absolutely stupid, i.e. "asked for a phone number after 5 messages so he wants sex". First because, yeah, all men want sex, and the water is wet, when he asks for the phone number has nothing to do with sex. It is also in the content of the messages, if they are not advancing or not, are they sexual in nature are they asking questions etc.
salparadise Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 It is also in the content of the messages, if they are not advancing or not, are they sexual in nature are they asking questions etc. What are you saying here? Do you mean that you actually prefer "sexual in nature" as one indicator that the guy actually wants to date? I'm confused because almost every woman on this site will tell you that bringing up sex during the messaging phase is a deal breaker! OP, understand this... men want sex, women want relationships. The whole dance is a complex negotiation wherein each offers something the other wants to get what they want. It's not that women don't want sex, they just don't want it without the relationship. Some men want relationships too but sex is the first priority and they'd rather get that first and then consider a relationship... later, if the sex is good and she's a keeper in every respect. That's just how the world goes around. You seem surprised that guys don't have the same priorities as you––don't be. It's an offset but complementary system that has worked this way for three million years.
BluEyeL Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) What are you saying here? Do you mean that you actually prefer "sexual in nature" as one indicator that the guy actually wants to date? I'm confused because almost every woman on this site will tell you that bringing up sex during the messaging phase is a deal breaker! OP, understand this... men want sex, women want relationships. The whole dance is a complex negotiation wherein each offers something the other wants to get what they want. It's not that women don't want sex, they just don't want it without the relationship. Some men want relationships too but sex is the first priority and they'd rather get that first and then consider a relationship... later, if the sex is good and she's a keeper in every respect. That's just how the world goes around. You seem surprised that guys don't have the same priorities as you––don't be. It's an offset but complementary system that has worked this way for three million years.'' I'm sorry, no, I didn't mean that. I meant, if a guy is asking for a phone number doesn't mean that "all he wants is sex". All he wants is sex if he talks about sex in his messages. I expect for a man to ask for a phone number within 4-6 emails. If not, I delete/next him, he is not that interested. And of course that they all want sex, but how they go about it makes all the difference. Edited June 1, 2013 by BluEyeL
salparadise Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 '' I'm sorry, no, I didn't mean that. I meant, if a guy is asking for a phone number doesn't mean that "all he wants is sex". All he wants is sex if he talks about sex in his messages. I expect for a man to ask for a phone number within 4-6 emails. If not, I delete/next him, he is not that interested. And of course that they all want sex, but how they go about it makes all the difference. Ok, that makes sense. I like that you're a get-down-to-business kind of woman on the phone number and meeting in person. It drives me crazy how many just want to waste your time, expect a guy to message for weeks on end and still can't decide. There are fruit loops on both sides of the gender line.
Author LoverOfDance Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 What are you saying here? Do you mean that you actually prefer "sexual in nature" as one indicator that the guy actually wants to date? I'm confused because almost every woman on this site will tell you that bringing up sex during the messaging phase is a deal breaker! OP, understand this... men want sex, women want relationships. The whole dance is a complex negotiation wherein each offers something the other wants to get what they want. It's not that women don't want sex, they just don't want it without the relationship. Some men want relationships too but sex is the first priority and they'd rather get that first and then consider a relationship... later, if the sex is good and she's a keeper in every respect. That's just how the world goes around. You seem surprised that guys don't have the same priorities as you––don't be. It's an offset but complementary system that has worked this way for three million years. Is this actually true? Or is this just one person's perception of men. Is sex actually first priority to men?
salparadise Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Is this actually true? Or is this just one person's perception of men. Is sex actually first priority to men? Yea, it's true. Generally speaking. The paragraph I wrote is a pretty concise and accurate synopsis. I wrote a long explanation recently, maybe a couple of them, about why from a bio-psychological perspective. You should use the advanced search to find them. Are you young? I'm sure the other women will post soon. I made sure my daughter understands. How old are you?
BluEyeL Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Yes, sex is the priority for men. That doesn't mean that they don't fall in love or that some of them and at some point don't want relationships, it's just that sex comes first, the rest is after.
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