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LDR has been neglecting me since/before announcing I planned my trip to see him.. ):

rabbledabble

By rabbledabble
in Long-Distance Relationships

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rabbledabble Member

rabbledabble

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Hey guys, this is my first time on this forum so bear with me haha.

 

I've been talking to this guy since september/october. Around December I jokingly told him that I had a crush on him but he turned it serious and told me he actually did like me too so that started our little online thing. We became more serious around February when we discussed meeting eachother and I have my trip planned to see him in July (I'm in PA he's in FL) since he lives near Disney and I'm going there with my friends anyway. I'm 18 (19 in 3 months) and hes 21 btw.

 

Anyway my issues are..

-He barely talks to me much anymore.. I'm lucky if he texts me first once a week. Once were talking hes great but it's a hard start. Even after I booked the trip he was still quiet. Kinda worries me. Maybe he's shy? No idea.

-Since were not dating and haven't even discussed dating I'm not sure how to go about this trip. Weve talked about how we can finally cuddle :love: and such but nothing more (were both shy in that area because we respect eachother and it all goes unsaid)

-What do I do when I first see him? I imagine myself just hugging him but I'm worried it will get weird after that. I'm super self conscious about meeting him so I send him gross pics of me as a joke (hahaha) so he can prepare for the worst (I have a good sense of humor lol). But I"m thinking maybe hes thinking im not gonna be what he expects ... ):

 

However, I really really like this guy and I know he liked me at some point (not sure now ): ) and I have no idea whats going on now.

If I could get feedback that would be awesome and I'd love any comments! Sorry this is so long. /=

 

EDIT: we have never skyped or any video chat but I can say he is 100% real there's no doubt there haha. (I'm a smart girl trust me)

we have talked on the phone and texted, FB, Instagram (how we met, all of it. (:

Edited by rabbledabble
LittleTiger Established Member

LittleTiger

Posted
Posted

Hi rabbledabble, welcome to LS :)

 

It's good that you are planning to meet without any expectations. If you're going to his town anyway, that makes it a lot easier.

 

You don't mention how your level of communication has changed, although you imply that it has. How often did you talk before you booked your trip? Does he initiate conversations or is it always you?

 

If you haven't talked on video then I would strongly recommend that you do. You may think that you know who he is, but if you've never actually seen him, he could be someone very different. Beside which, talking on video before you meet will take away the likelihood of any awkwardness when you meet for real.

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lost.girl Member

lost.girl

Posted
Posted

Sounds like he may be panicking a bit to me. Doesn't want to build up a big expectation of falling into each others arms upon your first meeting so he is playing it cool.

 

I do agree though you have to talk to him on video chat. I know you believe him about his appearence but think of it this way, most of your first meeting jitters will be gone if you do. Plus it's always good to verify just in case!!

 

ps google image search is your best friend in checking if he is a catfish... just in case! Google Images

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justwhoiam Established Member

justwhoiam

Posted
Posted (edited)
that started our little online thing
What thing? Be clearer please. Did he show interest in becoming your boyfriend? What did he say exactly? 'I like you too' means nothing.

 

-He barely talks to me much anymore.. I'm lucky if he texts me first once a week.

Most likely (99%) he's not in love with you. He took a chance knowing you had a crush on him. Had you not told him, nothing would have happened... But this doesn't mean he can't fall in love with you when you meet him!

 

-Since were not dating and haven't even discussed dating I'm not sure how to go about this trip. Weve talked about how we can finally cuddle :love: and such but nothing more
Who brought cuddling into the picture first? Was it... you? You don't cuddle with friends... I guess. You can hug them, welcome them, kiss them goodbye, etc. But cuddling... implies some kind of involvement. Different from mere friendship. Anyway, I'd stop mentioning cuddling. Meet him as a friend.

 

-What do I do when I first see him? I imagine myself just hugging him but I'm worried it will get weird after that.
Don't hug him. Don't force things. Say hi. Let him show you if he has feelings for you. If he's attracted to you. If he tries to hold your hand or spend time with you. Pay attention to the way he behaves around you. And you... just be yourself, but don't overstep his boundaries.

 

I send him gross pics of me as a joke (hahaha) so he can prepare for the worst
I can understand what you're doing, but now please stop that. Stop the nonsense, and let him sense your serious side too. That doesn't mean you can't joke anymore, just drop the silliness for a while, until after you meet him. You don't want him to think you're a joker... Some silly behaviors are only bound to damage you... giving an impression of you that is not the real you. And it can grow old soon.

 

we have never skyped or any video chat but I can say he is 100% real
If you have enough proof of everything, I'll believe your judgment. You'll be meeting him in two months. Stop the nonsense and try to get to know him on a much deeper level before you go there. Also, ask him what he would like to do, so that you can have a number of things to choose from. Have plans to spend some time with him alone after the initial meeting... That would mean giving yourself a bit of breathing space from your friends (like 3 hours in a row at least), so you can actually be alone with him doing something (going to the movies, bowling, etc.). Maybe you won't need time alone with him, but in case you do, you are not unprepared. Be relaxed around him and make him feel at ease. Edited by justwhoiam
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Posted

If it doesn't work out you will still have a great time at Disneyworld and probably wind up meeting a guy from PA who is vacationing there, so who knows?

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rabbledabble Member

rabbledabble

Posted
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You don't mention how your level of communication has changed, although you imply that it has. How often did you talk before you booked your trip? Does he initiate conversations or is it always you?

 

If you haven't talked on video then I would strongly recommend that you do. You may think that you know who he is, but if you've never actually seen him, he could be someone very different. Beside which, talking on video before you meet will take away the likelihood of any awkwardness when you meet for real.

 

We would have atleast 3-4 good texting conversations per week full of flirty stuff or talking about our days. Our phone calls are more rare since he works late nights and I was busy during the day and had an early bedtime (college stress haha) but we would talk on the phone for 2-3 hours about everything and we both loved it (he didnt wanna hang up once because "he liked talking to me") blah. He goes through phases of not talking at all to texting me first a few times a day. Which I find normal because 1. were not dating and 2. weve never talked about dating.

 

I completely agree with the video thing. He doesnt have a video camera though (cant afford one right now since he just moved to a new place) but I can promise that he is real! (trust me I'm a stickler on this stuff) I wanted to video chat for the exact reason thatd wed be used to talking face to face and that would loosen tension.

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rabbledabble Member

rabbledabble

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How did u guys meet online?

How do u guys plan to spend time just the two of u?

how do u know hes not seeing other girls or that you are?

Also any reason why u havnt skyped?

 

1. Instagram. (I was following random people and he commented on my pictures saying I was beautiful- turned into getting eachother numbers on there.)

2. Were gonna meet up at downtown disney.

3. I don't know that, and I don't talk to any other guys mainly bc when I like someone I cant focus on anyone else.

4. He has no camera.

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rabbledabble Member

rabbledabble

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What thing? Be clearer please. Did he show interest in becoming your boyfriend? What did he say exactly? 'I like you too' means nothing.

 

We're just two people that like/have feelings for eachother. We've never talked about dating. We're both very focused on meeting first before pursuing anything more than liking each other.

 

Most likely (99%) he's not in love with you. He took a chance knowing you had a crush on him. Had you not told him, nothing would have happened... But this doesn't mean he can't fall in love with you when you meet him!

 

Oh love is nowhere in the picture right now haha. Just pure attraction to talking to eachother. Possibly it might blossom when we meet. I'm crossing my fingers!

 

Who brought cuddling into the picture first? Was it... you? You don't cuddle with friends... I guess. You can hug them, welcome them, kiss them goodbye, etc. But cuddling... implies some kind of involvement. Different from mere friendship. Anyway, I'd stop mentioning cuddling. Meet him as a friend.

 

Don't hug him. Don't force things. Say hi. Let him show you if he has feelings for you. If he's attracted to you. If he tries to hold your hand or spend time with you. Pay attention to the way he behaves around you. And you... just be yourself, but don't overstep his boundaries.

 

 

Well when we talk someone always throws in a "ugh just come cuddle" or something stupid like that and I said that recently...

Me: Can you come cuddle

Him: I want to I can in July :)

Me: Oh don't get me too excited

Him: Lol but I can :)

 

So take that however you may haha. I also believe in large boundaries with friends and I can say I don't think he sees me as a FRIEND. And thats definitely not how I see him either haha.

 

I'm also a pretty affectionate person when I like someone but I'm also VERY shy when I'm around people I really like. And I know hes shy too so its difficult haha. I just wanna hug him but I'll see what his body language is first.

 

 

I can understand what you're doing, but now please stop that. Stop the nonsense, and let him sense your serious side too. That doesn't mean you can't joke anymore, just drop the silliness for a while, until after you meet him. You don't want him to think you're a joker... Some silly behaviors are only bound to damage you... giving an impression of you that is not the real you. And it can grow old soon.

 

Yea it stems from my insecurities. I just don't want to lead him to believe I'm better than I am. But I have cut that out

 

If you have enough proof of everything, I'll believe your judgment. You'll be meeting him in two months. Stop the nonsense and try to get to know him on a much deeper level before you go there. Also, ask him what he would like to do, so that you can have a number of things to choose from. Have plans to spend some time with him alone after the initial meeting... That would mean giving yourself a bit of breathing space from your friends (like 3 hours in a row at least), so you can actually be alone with him doing something (going to the movies, bowling, etc.). Maybe you won't need time alone with him, but in case you do, you are not unprepared. Be relaxed around him and make him feel at ease.

 

I'm going with one of my friends so I need help figuring out how I can get away from her for a few hours ahah. I'll tell her to take a nap ;)

 

I just need to make sure I don't let my anxiety/insecurity get the best of me because I really do like him.

lost.girl Member

lost.girl

Posted
Posted

You can get a webcam at walmart for 10 bucks. Im sure he is not that broke that it would be a huge inconvience

  • Like 2
justwhoiam Established Member

justwhoiam

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He doesnt have a video camera though (cant afford one right now since he just moved to a new place)
You realize he's avoiding using a cam, right? I agree with lost.girl. You say you're smart, but you need to prove that too.

 

I was right about you being the one talking about the cuddling. It looks like it's always you moving things forward. You should stop doing that if you want to assess his real interest in you. That doesn't mean hiding how happy you are when you talk to him.

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rabbledabble Member

rabbledabble

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You realize he's avoiding using a cam, right? I agree with lost.girl. You say you're smart, but you need to prove that too.

 

I was right about you being the one talking about the cuddling. It looks like it's always you moving things forward. You should stop doing that if you want to assess his real interest in you. That doesn't mean hiding how happy you are when you talk to him.

 

It's hard for me to not be forward considering I like him so much. I'm just always afraid that we wont talk if I don't initiate, which is WRONG because if he liked me we would talk. Bleh. I have a hard time balancing not coming off too interested and also appearing into him haha.

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justwhoiam Established Member

justwhoiam

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I'm just always afraid that we wont talk if I don't initiate, which is WRONG because if he liked me we would talk.
You already have all the answers...
lost.girl Member

lost.girl

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Posted

You aren't chasing him, you are hunting him. Gotta back off, if he doesn't message you, then well you don't talk. Simple as that.

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rabbledabble Member

rabbledabble

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How does he know that shes not just coming for disneyland and shes not coming just to see him?

 

her actions say she is protecting herself and not really serious about him and hence hes being cold and distant

 

 

Lol I'm not gonna travel just for a guy I'm not even dating. ESPECIALLY if its disney world like come onnnn jhahaha

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