blindhope Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Its been 5 months since being betrayed by my gf of 7 + years. She turned into a complete mess and did some pretty unforgivable s**t. I had thought it was behind me and began moving on. Realizing I was better without her. I started seeing someone else. A great girl who is every thing the ex is not. So much better for me. I can be myself around her and she hers. We get along great. But the closer we get the more I'm drawn to my ex. The better our relationship is the more I miss my ex. It seems completely backwards. And I'm digressing. I got something good that I know ill mess up if I can't move past the ex. Anyone else relate to this? Any words of wisdom Why do I feel like I will sabotage anything good or rush into something wrong?
PugMug Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Do you love the new girl or do you just find her compatible?
maturityassets Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 This is understandable. The memory of a long relationship is still fresh in your mind. Every time you get closer to the new girl you can't help but feel if you are trending on some familiar ground. Its happening to me as I currently see someone who is a lot more compatible for me. Its fine if you don't love her yet but as long as you want to be with this new girl then the attachment might grow. Just tell yourself that the ex made her decisions and that is the type of person she is now. You don't want that type of person in your life. Also its good to just pull back from the current girl sometimes. Make sure you give space for yourself in between hanging out and talking.
Author blindhope Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Little early to say love the new girl. It seems with the small things we fit better than the ex. But with the ex it was all the big things that we matched up on. Now I know that's over and there isn't anything there, all logic says I'm lucky the out of it. But damn the logic, just wish she was out ta my head. This new girl is great and I don't want to waste an opportunity just because my ex is still haunting my thoughts. Wouldnt it be nice if life where easy.
Calvin's wagon Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) Hi! To be honest, I think 5 months is (generally!) a bit too short go really get over a serious relationship, especially of 7+ year and especially after it finishing with such a monumental betrayal as hers. Also, you barely stopped communicating with her and her family a month ago. So technically it's been only 1 month (and not 5) of "getting over her". I got involved with my ex gf 6 months after her ex of 5+ years broke up with her. Turns out she wasn't over him or at least wasn't over the pain he had caused her. And even myself, I felt like I cheated on my ex when, after 3 months after she dumped me, I made out with another girl. She was great, she wanted to date me, and I knew I could have a great relationship, but my ex still wasn't out of my head&heart. It was too early for me to date and unfair to the other person, unless the other person would be okay with being a potential rebound/the other person know of my situation (and I always was (perhaps too) honest with the girls about my emotional situation etc., even though it usually meant nothing happening). So from now on, I'm really gonna be careful to not be a rebound to someone, especially if it's been less than 6 months after the break up (especially if she was the dumpee or, as in your case, forced dumper), and continue to be careful to not use others as my rebounds. /// Then again, we are two different people, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. But please, ask yourself: - are you truly over your ex AND over all the hurt, pain, betrayal,..., she has caused you? (i.e. you can rationally know it's better to not be with your ex, but still emotionally be very much affected by her and her actions...) - are you truly ready for a new, serious relationship? - have you ever learnt how to be happy on your own/single, have you ever enjoyed single life? - is your new girl more of a rebound at the moment? - are you being honest with your new girl? ((How much) Does your new girl know about your situation with your ex?) /// Also, what are the "big" and "small" things you talk about? It would help us to know... Best wishes! Edited June 1, 2013 by Calvin's wagon 2
Author blindhope Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 In being g honest with the new girl. We have a great time, seem to enjoy each others company. Our personalities seem to match real well. She knows where I'm at and where o cine from. However the ex and I certainly saw eye to eye in long term goals, family, kids, morals(until her descend). But on a day to day basis the girl I'm now seeing seems to enjoy what I do. Its early and who knowa whats truth and whats new relationship bliss. Maybe itll all work out and maybe it wont. But Ill never know unless I try. Its juat thaf feelinb that the ghost of my formal gf who no longer exists haunts me. I know time is needed and relatively speaking its been short ... 4 1/² mo. vs 7+ years. It may seem like eternity has passed. But how can someone who did so much wrong to me still hold such a large piece of my heart?
SimonSerenade Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Maybe it's a sign that your just not ready for a commitment like that especially since your relationship ended the way that it did, it's natural for you to feel like that because your still going to remember everything your ex was to you and everything you did together and now your doing that with someone else, in your shoes doing something like that will probably make me think about her doing the same and that's a devestating feeling that can hold you back, my advice without the bs, don't think about it, it's out of your hands, she messed it up, she ruined your happiness in favor of her happiness, sounds to me like she's had her share of happiness, your share, every bodies share!, now it's time to put you in the frame and though this is a bad feeling you'll get over it in time, it'll happen naturally, just stick it out and maybe talk it out with this girl of yours, that might help you feel more comfortable about the situation and your honesty may mean a lot to her, it shows a lot of character. Sounds to me like you got a good girl by your side but probably found you too soon but hey, take it easy, don't rush into things, don't think about her as a commitment, think about her as a wonderful person your lucky to have in your life, eventually your feelings for your ex will fade and your feelings for her will grow, if she's worth it you'll be glad you stuck it out, key words here "it's all natural" remember that when your having doubts, don't feel bad about all this, be happy after all that crap you deserve someone nice, enjoy it. 2
Author blindhope Posted June 4, 2013 Author Posted June 4, 2013 I don't know if Im ready or not. But now I know whats logical and what makes sense. But the biggest problem is seperating that and all that I know is ridiculous and stupid. When I know I should hate every fiber of this girl and I don't. When I should run in the other direction and desperate from her family and I don't.
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