drikker Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Hello everyone. I need some advice. Here is my story. About a year a half ago I traveled to China to become an English teacher. I am from Canada. There I met a fellow traveler who soon became the love of my life. She is from Australia. We traveled most of south east Asia and about 9 months later we parted ways. We were apart for 3 months and then she came here and we then traveled North America. 3.5 months later she left for home. We've been together for about 15 months or so and I am not sure what I should do next. She hasn't said whether or not she is committed to our relationship. I know she is to me, but as for 'us' I am not sure. I haven't gotten anything concrete out of her about our next steps. I am going to go back to Asia and teach English once again and she may actually go to China later to study Mandarin. You see, we do get along well and complement each other. We have had our odd fights, well only tiny arguments really, but nothing that bad. We are different from each other but I think our differences compliment us. Yin and Yang so to speak. But now, I am not sure what I feel for her and I am not sure how she feels for me honestly. She just left me a few days ago and I've pretty much been walking around in a daze.... so confused about us. One part of me wants to move on with my life and do what I want to do, and another part wants to be with her. *sigh* For about the last month, whenever I looked upon her I didn't get that feeling that I used to. Like I just wanted to hold her and kiss her and not let go... Lately I would look at her and just feel disinterested. Not only in her appearance but the things she has to say. I have never had a relationship last longer than 3 months previous to this one so this is all new to me. Not only am I learning about many things for the first time, but I am also dealing with this whole long distance thing. I'm sad she's not here with me... feels like there's a piece of me missing and I just can't stop the pain. On the flip side I am not sure if I feel the way I do because I am lonely or because I really do miss her. When I think of her I don't feel the flutter in my chest like I used to. Wish I could explain it better... But its all so new to me. I don't think much of this posting is making sense. I didn't really think this through before I typed it and I am somewhat sick right now so that isn't helping much. Any advice on what's going on with me? What should I do? I was thinking today I should just ask her flat out what she wants from our relationship and if it doesn't match up with what I'm thinking I should break it off. So confused... conflicted even. I know you don't have much info to work with here, and if you need more I will elaborate on anything specific. Thanks for reading and I look forward to a response.
Merin Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 A few thoughts on your situation.. You said you've never been in a relationship for longer than 3 months prior to meeting her.. I also notice that you seem concerned that your feelings for her have changed over the time that you've known her.. So I'm curious if your previous relationships ended because you no longer felt those "flutters" you initially had in the start of the relationship, so you ended things? This isn't uncommon for a lot of people.. they love that "honeymoon" stage of the relationship when every thing is new and exciting.. you can't get enough of the other person ect. However, this doesn't last.. and your relationship changes. It's just the natural progression of things that happens in all relationships. A excellent book that helps to illustrate this is "The Road Less Traveled" Know that it is normal to feel exactly the way you are right now.. that you may not hang on her every word, and you may not gaze upon her every single time she is in your presense with the same awe you had when you first met her, but that doesn't mean that you don't have real feelings for her, or that you need to question if she is wrong for you. Of course you're lonely and you miss her.. sometimes it's when we take a step back from something that we are able to look on it with a different view, and I feel certain she feels the same way about you. You've asked IF you should ask her what she wants from this relationship.. and I believe you should.. just be sure you have answers for her regarding what it is YOU really want from this relationship as well.. something to think about. Communication, honesty and trust.. those are essential. Best Wishes
Author drikker Posted October 13, 2004 Author Posted October 13, 2004 Hello. Thanks a lot for your reply to my post. I have given things a lot of thought and we have had some chats and it seems like we're both on the same page. Dealing with the whole long distance thing can be stressful at times but its not so bad once you get used to it and you tell yourself that your only apart for a while. I find by focusing on the fact that I will be with her again soon helps me a lot. Thanks again for the input, it was really helpful. Btw, my previous relationships ended early because I have never been with anyone before who stimulated me both mentally and physically at the same time. Its finding that mental connection that is very difficult for me. The girl I am with now, her and I are pretty tight so its very nice to be with someone who finally gets 'me' and I feel comfortable to let all gaurds down. As she does with me. So all is well and im doing fine.
Recommended Posts