Feeling just gone. How?

[Zoo York]

I had a question, and I couldn't get an answer from my ex-gf and I couldn't find on this site, or from friends, or on the net. I guess if anyone has any ideas. I'll sum up quickly as best I can.

 

I dated this girl for a little over 3 months and everything was great. She really chased after me from the get-go. I wasn't too interested at first, but we went out a couple of times. It was one of those relationships where things just kept getting better and better, and I began to fall for her. She was the same way with me. I treated her good, and she did the same with me. Great sex, great conversations...ALL good times practically.

 

Then she has this week were she is a completly different person. Her attitiude is poor, her behavior is off, everything is just so weird. At the end of that week she ends it. She says that her feelings are not that strong. She was VERY cold about it. Well, nothing I can do. But she didn't give an explaination as to what happened, other than feelings not there anymore. I guess maybe I'm still in denial about us. These things just kind of happen right? Makes no sense. What causes feelings to just evaporate like that? I know I didn't mess up, at least not terribly. And I know she did not play me when we dated. But feelings just gone like that? Over a week?

[Merin]

Well, the only person who knows for certain what happened, is her.

 

However, obviously she has chosen not to share those reason(s) with you.. so all I can do is speculate what might have happened.

 

The first thing I would suspect (and I'm so sorry to say this) would be there is someone else involved.. I say this because you've said for 3 months most everything was seemingly good.. no major problems in the relationship. Then she starts behaving in a odd manner, becomes distant.. then coldly tells you the feelings are not there any longer.. again, I'm sorry to say but if the feelings were there that strongly to begin with.. they didn't just turn off.. which again would lead me to believe she met someone else.

 

It is unfortunate that she cut if off the way she did without explanation or real reason.. but it seems that when relationships end in this manner the person who broke things often doesn't want to tell the other person that they've met someone else.. and the not knowing what actually happened makes it harder for the other person to accept and move on, as they never really felt they got closure..

 

Keep your head up;)

[grojas1986]

don't sweat it dude. the exact same thing happened to me about a month ago. same scenario,behavior ,etc. the fact is that she is f*cked in the head, and there is nothing you can do about it. maybe after a while she will come to her senses and tell you what went wrong. i know how hurt u must be; it hurt me when she was real cold with me and it didn't sink in until 2 weeks after our last conversation. i am getting therapy and trying to move on. and i'm not going to tell you to all of a sudden let go because i still cannot do that. i heard time takes this away but i'm still waiting. i have been doing a lot of thinking and i decided to write her a letter. it has been a month since i have seen or spoken to her so maybe she will be excited to hear from me, or not. a letter is so much easier to write and send to her instead of talking in person or on the phone because in a letter you can get all your thoughts out and let her know exactly how you feel, etc. but to answer your question, i cannot because maybe the girl(like my ex) has some issues were she can just turn her feelings off like that and shut everyone else out. my ex told me during our last conversation "why be open when u can keep quiet and make people wonder?" my conclusion is that this is an attention thing. i believe women do this to feel special. so go ahead and write a letter to her, i'm writing mine tommorrow. P.S. don't show up unexpected or call anymore, it will bring back her cold feelings.

[hurtingandconfused]

What causes feelings to just evaporate like that?

 

Another guy.

[Zoo York]

Thanks for replies. I thought that it might be another guy. If so, she'll probably be with him for a bit then jump around again. But at the same time, it doesn't make sense because she's not like that (I know this has been said many of times before).

 

We dated for a little over 3 months, but I have known her for 6 months. We dated casually in the beginning, then 3 months were it got kind of intense. She's a quiet, shy girl and has long-term relationships under her belt. She put in a ton into our relationship. It was a great time. But then it was like a week, maybe 8 or 9 days total where she just changed. I would bring it up with her but she seemed like she just kept distancing herself. Even during that time though we were together a lot, same as we always had been, but each day just got worse, and she reassured me this will pass or whatever

 

My whole deal is closure. I'm not trying to salvage anything at this point, or call her, or anything, but things aren't great and then just poof. Ya I miss her, and it has gotten better and all, but I guess I wish I knew what happened. But then again, even if it is another guy, I would start thinking "what does he have, etc," so I guess it would never end then. She was cold for the most part, but had a very angry tone to her. Like she just hated me. Chaulk it up as experience at this point I guess.

[JQBNCHICK]

SORRY TO TELL YOU BUT YEAH ITS TRUE THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE

 

MY EX LEFT ME CUZ HE MET SOMEONE ELSE HE JUST DIDN'T WANNA TELL ME IN CASE I WAS TO GET HURT

 

AND I WAS ABLE TO FORGET MY EX TEMPORARLY FOR 2 MONTH WHILE I WAS DATING SOME GUY<<<THAT I REALLY DID LIKE BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN 2 WK AGO HE STOPPED CALLING AND WONT PICK UP MY CALL I KNOW I DIDN'T DO NOTHING WRONG THE SEX WAS GREAT I WAS THERE WHEN HE NEEDED ME I WOULDN'T STALK OR ANYTHING BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN HE JUST STOPPED TALKIN TO ME>>> I GUESS HE ALSO MET SOMEONE

 

WHAT A WORLD.... WHAT A WORLD...... THATS WHY IT'S BETTER TO BE SINGLE AND ALONE AND CALL OLD FRIENDS FOR CASUAL SEX SOMETIMES

[Zoo York]

Do these x's that do this usually come back around after things don't workout with there new flame? I hope she doesn't come back. I just wouldn't want to be put into that kind of bind with her. It would be so tempting, and the same thing would probably happen again down the road between us.

 

I used to do stuff like this back in high school and early in college, but then my priorites changed. It was a been there, done that type of thing and I am looking for something long-term now that I am older. Maybe it's karma. I burned them back in the day, and now it comes back to me when I'm older. Man it sucks.

[budd98]

I know exactly where your at right now. It is deffinitly another man. My ex of 2 years at the time did that to me. She broke it off for another man, but did'nt give me any closure. She said she just wanted to be single. Ya right!! Anyways, we were apart for 2 months and then got back together when she begged me to take her back. That lasted for 9 more months and she did it again with another guy. This happened 3 months ago. These types of girls really need to grow up. They just have'nt had time to mature. Mine was VERY high maintenece, and lived off of other peoples opinion's. Stay away from insecure girls, they will break you every time. Best advice for you is to move on and not be a back up plan for her. I have and it is so much better now.

[Zoo York]

I figured that was what was going on. I don't think she cheated, but I figured she had a newfound interest. Had all the signs there, but I really like the girl so I wasn't going to bail. Was hoping we work it through. But she bailed like that. I got the impression that she wanted to keep me around as plan B when we broke up. Gave the whole were best friends thing, etc. Then got defensive when I said no to friends. I told her that she can go.

 

I acted well emotionally, but it fricken hurt like hell. I want her back, but I don't. I miss her, but don't trust her. I know she didn't lead me on, but during that last week when she was off the walls and told me it'll all be ok I felt like she did.

 

But you are right. The girl is immature about it. Totally took me in, was for real, and bam, just the flick of a switch. She needs to figure out what it is she wants. But the best thing for me to do is move on. It gets easier day by day, but I get these moments of pure frustration still. No point in me waiting around with false hope or for it to happen again.

[justsomeguy86]

Zoo York, I've got a post in here that sounds way too close to your story. I still have no idea what happened in my situation, but I'm pretty sure there's no other guy, unless she's being especially secret agent about it and keeping it from even her closest friends. So, you never know, but I'd say you probably shouldn't assume that either -- it's definitely possible but until you know, you know? It is an awful experience, the rational part of you saying "if you don't want me then to hell with you" while the rest of you is still missing her because these girls didn't do anything to hate them for, except dumping us. Anyway, I'm basically posting just to let you know that there are at least of a few of us out there that know exactly what you're dealing with and it is a ****ty situation -- even if I can go out with my friends and have fun and look like nothings wrong, she still pops into my thoughts way too often. Best of luck.