chinacat sunflower Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I met my now ex boyfriend on an online dating site back in October. I had no expectations at all. Three days into it I noticed this one guy (J) added me to his favorites. I read his profile and was immediately interested (surprisingly). I'm shy so I sent him a wink to get the ball rolling. The next day I received the most beautiful email from him. I literally was sitting at my computer, all by myself, and did the Napoleon Dynamite "yesssss" out loud. I waited a day and emailed him back and gave him my number. That day he sent me a text, and the texting went non stop for 4 days, from the moment we woke up, to the moment we went to bed. I would even wake up in the middle of the night with messages from him. I was smitten. I haven't even met this individual and I had a crush. We ended up meeting for some beers and the chemistry was incredible. It seemed like we had known each other for years. We had so much in common, to the point it kinda freaked me out. The best part of it was he was just as into me as I was him. We were inseparable from that moment on. The first week he introduced me to his best friend, and had a few dinner dates with friends that were married. He also asked me to be his girlfriend, and told me he loved me. I've never said that to any one before (besides family and close friends). I waited a couple of days before I said it back. It was surreal. Oddly enough he even talked about what our children would look like and he was making future plans together. The following week he invited me out to dinner for his brothers 30th birthday with his mom and dad. I was nervous. The first two times he asked me, I kind of blew it off because of my anxiety, thinking maybe he would just let it go. He wouldn't, so I had to give him an answer. My nephew was born sometime between him asking me, so my emotional level was on overdrive. No one has ever pursued me so much before. I of course accepted his invite. We went to a fancy steak house and I was wined a dined. I got along great with his brother, and his parents seemed to adore me. I even got a hug from his dad. J and his brother informed me that it was kind of a big deal that he hugged me (hah). A few weeks went by and everything was going swimmingly. Until around Thanksgiving. We got into a couple of little fights. We both started to smother each other. We resolved the issue (or so I thought) and we were becoming closer than ever. The last night we spent together was the best. It was a great feeling that we could have a falling out, resolve it and continue to enjoy each other as much as we were. We got in another fight. Because I wanted to see him when I got out of work (at 11pm, second shift and he works a 9-5). He was tired and just wanted to sleep. Like an idiot I am, I kept pursuing him and he kept backing off. He said he needed space, so I gave it to him. I didn't hear from him at all the next day, so the following morning I texted him and I flipped out. He was on his way to work, and didn't want to talk to me on the phone. I had to work later on in the day and selfishly didn't want to wait to talk to him, especially if he was going to end things with me. So I told him to give me an answer and said we were done. I was devastated. We ended up texting later on that night for awhile. He was not happy about breaking up and needed more space. I didn't hear from him for a few days and he texted me. I was being very stand offish. He was letting me know that he had been sick to his stomach after the break up, and even had to leave work early. I was concerned because he has diabetes. He was so sick he wasn't even sure if he was going to be able to make it in the next day. I asked if it was something he ate, and he said it was because of the break up. He ended up calling out of work and wanted to see me. I went over and I was heart broken to see him, he was like a sick puppy. We talked and he continued to apologize and we got intimate. After he said he wanted to be friends for now. His reasoning was because he was considering a career change, and his lease was up for his apartment. He had spoken of this earlier in our relationship, whether or not he wanted to stay where he was (walking distance from his local hangouts) or moving into a condo close to his work. I had also mentioned when we first started hanging out that I was thinking of moving across country. That was another reason, he didn't want to move far away because his doctors for his diabetes are in Boston, about an hour away. He didn't want to risk not being able to find a job and go without health insurance. He was thinking of me, putting me first. I told him that I want to be friends with him, but because I have such strong feelings for him, it would be near impossible for me. It would absolutely kill me to see him date other people. No response, but was comforting me and rubbing my back as I was holding back my tears.. I said it to him multiple times, that I wanted to, but I don't have the maturity level to handle it. I know how I am. It looked like he was almost in tears. I had to get ready to go to work and he was still sulking. In a loving tone, I told him to cheer up, this is for the better. It's better that it ends now rather than dragging it out and getting even more hurt in the long run. Still nothing. So i jokingly said maybe you should be a jerk to me so it will be easier for me to leave, because you're making this really hard for me. I wanted him to at least agree with me. So then he shot up out of bed, ran over to the door and opened it to show me out. I walked over to him and gave him a kiss. Nothing. Hugged him. Nothing. He then put his arms around me and lifted me up and placed me back down in the doorway. I looked him in the eye and said goodbye. He said goodbye, slammed the door and dramatically locked the deadbolt. As I walked to my car I heard him yell. So loud. It broke my heart. I got in my car, drove away and off to work I went. While driving to work I was thinking how I wish I could still have him in my life. That's really all I want. I was torn. I got some advice from someone at work, and I reached out to him. He was angry. Rightfully so. The conversation went on for awhile, towards the end I was emotionally exhausted, and he was starting to come around to me again. He stopped texting, but I continued to text goofy messages in hopes to cheer him up. I woke up in the middle of the night to him texting me, saying how f****d up this was and he wanted to see me the following day to get this cleared up. I was unsure but agreed. The next day I carried on thinking I would hear from him. Nothing. I texted him later on in the evening and he said he was still vomiting. I asked if I could come over and he said no and he wanted more space: "what don't you understand about that?" Heartbroken and confused I stopped messaging him. A week went by, he was was posting more frequently on Facebook. Him and I were never "Facebook official" but we were friends. The both of us never really posted much. He was positing a lot more; sad things, and things to get my attention. We were suppose to go see Dark Star Orchestra together, but that obviously didn't happen. He updated his status to "dark star orchestra tonight anyone?" I could go on. Stupidly I sent him a text saying I hope he is feeling better etc. No response. A few days later he texted me wanting to hook up. I ignored it until the next day and I declined his offer. He replied with "good girl" and that was it. In a few more weeks it would be Christmas and I texted him to wish him a merry Christmas. He pretended to not know who it was at first. He figured it out and was extremely rude to me. He said "the reason why we split is because you couldn't give me space, and your doing it again". He also told me he was not interested,would never talk to me again (merry Christmas), deleted my number to avoid drunken texts, we were two totally different people, work opposite schedules and "what do you think we would do if we were friends?" I said I wanted to work on it and he replied with "nothing will change, so please, stop talking". But the comment that really got me was "I wanted to be friends, you said no, you couldn't and didn't want to, so you have to live with your choice". He completely twisted my words. That was the last time I've heard from him. Exactly a month after Christmas, the day before his birthday he deleted me off facebook. I texted him wishing him a happy birthday and I know he removed me from his friends. No response. I emailed him last week saying that it sucks enough things didn't work out between us but it's even worse that he thinks so poorly of me. I have/had no hard feelings for him, his happiness makes me happy. I thanked him for being great and apologized for being a needy bitch No response. We share no mutual friends, so I don't even have a clue about him anymore. All I have heard from someone that knows him was "I have no idea where he's been". I know I should not contact him anymore, I need to move on, and he has moved on. I'm just looking for words of encouragement and/or advice. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I don't know why after so long he still won't speak to me. So if you have taken the time to read this, a reply would be appreciated.
Author chinacat sunflower Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 I don't understand why you think it's ok that he's so angry at you. He dumped you. He doesn't get to keep you as a friend too. You told him you still had feelings for him and could not be friends..that's your right. He has no right to be angry about that. He's acting like a petulant little brat. You're right, you shouldn't contact him anymore. He's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want you in his life and you need to respect that, just as he should have (but didn't) respect your inability to remain friends. The only thing that can help right now is time. I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope you feel better soon. I know my post is really long and ridiculous, but I have no one to talk to about this. I really appreciate your reply and kind words. I guess the reason why I feel it's "okay" for him to be angry at me is because I was a needy bitch towards the end. Which is not like me at all. It takes two to tango. I was not ready for him to be in my life, and I can say the same for him as well. So much has happened in my life since we've broken up, it's really a blessing in the long run that things ended. I'm not a fan of ending things on a bad note. I'm clearly having a really difficult time letting this go. All I want is for both of us to look back on it and smile. Everything happens for a reason.
Foreverandalwaysxo Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I totally understand how you feel. Im actually going through something like this. Theres nothing really to do. You've tried to contact him numerous times and he hasnt replied to any of your messages. He clearly doesnt want to talk right now. Let him get over it and if he really wants you back in his life, he will contact you. Be strong girl
Author chinacat sunflower Posted June 2, 2013 Author Posted June 2, 2013 Ugh. It's awful. One would think after 6 months, he would calm down enough to at least reply with anything. He's a grown man for crying out loud. I'm sorry you are going through, what you are going through. Probably the "right" thing to do would be to let it go and don't contact him.....but......if you really feel contacting him is the right thing to do than do it. As long as you are prepared for the outcome. I personally think it's being the bigger person. It takes a lot of balls to step up to the plate and put yourself out there. I think not contacting someone you feel REALLY strongly for is a cop out. It's probably really bad advice, most people on this site would strongly disagree with me, but follow your heart girl :0) Good luck
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