lovesick99 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Hi my wife and i separated almost 2 weeks ago she says she want to make it work but wont come home until i start working i have been a stay at home dad for the past six years i have had a hard time holding down a job since my mom passed 7 years ago and also a hard time finding a job.mywife has a job fall into her lap and she thinks it should be that easy for everyone. with her not here i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and she does not seem to care, i have even applied at mcdonalds. its very hard to find anykind of job when you can only work mon-fri 9-5:30. my wife has been my rock and my support since my mom passed, and now my wife is not here either. i need her to understand i need her home and i dont know what to do my doc has put me on antidepressant and is very concerned about me being very close to a breakdown. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO????!!!!
LittleTiger Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Welcome to LS. I'm sorry it's under such difficult circumstances. Do you have any friends or family who are able to provide you with emotional support right now? Have you considered counselling to help you to deal with the loss of your mother? It seems that you have a number of things going on which has led to you being so close to a breakdown. Perhaps your wife has felt the pressure of staying strong for you over the past few years and she is also at breaking point - albeit in a different way. What is the situation regarding your children? How old are they? Are they still at home with you or have they gone to live with her? Is she providing financial support now that you are apart? Did her leaving come as a shock or was it something she had been talking about for a while? If this is a 'last straw' situation, perhaps you can prove to her that you are making a significant effort by getting into counselling and starting to deal with your issues. Once you are on a more even keel emotionally, you should find it a little easier to get yourself back into employment.
Author lovesick99 Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 my son is 5 and he is at home with me thats whyit is hard to find a job that only is 9-5:30 and no weekends i have to pick him up from daycare she lives close but not close enough to help out with him and her new job she sometimes works until 7:30 and she does not drive anyways.it gets frustrating she says she wants to make it work and does not want to give up on us. i talk to her everyday then some nights she supposed to call me and then she turns her phone off and does not answer me she finally called our son after 2 days. it feels that we are not that important to her.friday i talked to her because she is supposed to come over on saturday i called her at 9 and she said was going to call back in hour then she did not and then turned her phone off i know she did not want to talk to me because she was drinking.she is living with her cousin and her husband and it is not a good place all they want to do is drink.she has her own issues as well and our family doctor has also told her she needs counselling as well but she also has not got any.
Fugu Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I think what you need to do is appreciate that your wife is still listening to you - I'm not saying she's right by the way. What I mean is, if she says she wants to make it work, then take her at her word and then analyze the situation. I think your wife is upset because she feels a lot of pressure. She feels like she's the one doing all the responsibility. I'm wondering, too: is she upset about you not working, or is there more to it? Does she also feel like you're not taking care of things at home? Is she making all the decisions, like financial management, deciding daycare and schools for the kids? Address that with her. Then...start working on a concrete plan of action to do something about it. Lots of couples deal with this situation, actually. The point is to communicate, but couples also have to act on that communication. You seem to be acknowledging that you should be working, which is good. What you need to do is communicate with her and go through a series of steps that are going to help you find work. She should support that, but she will need to see action from you, too. It may be that your approach to finding work is off, and that you may need some 'training' to find work. Talk about that with each other. But then know that follow through is critical.
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