youngbutoldsoul Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 It's been 2 months LC (little contact) with my ex boyfriend. After 2 years, he left me to experience fun/flings/etc. He's changed completely into a new person that I don't even recognize anymore in such a short period of time. I miss the old him so much....I made a romantic slideshow video...a compilation of all our memories together.....with a few of our favorite songs as background music. I guess I'm foolishly hoping that it would touch his heart and make him realize how special our relationship was....Should I send it in an email to him? I wrote subtitles in the video and pretty much said my heart had always belonged to him. I wish he would turn back before he digs himself even deeper in a relationship with a druggie. He was such a brilliant and sweet guy....and I want to convince him that we deserve another chance Is this a terrible idea? He's been texting me to ask how I'm doing and I feel guilty for ignoring him.
KatZee Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 This is a terrible idea. Pretty much the worst idea you could ever come up with. This far surpasses groveling and begging. Listen, it's not up to you to "save" this guy from being with the wrong people. It's what he WANTS. He dumped YOU. He left YOU. As much as that hurts, it means he doesn't want YOU he wants something else. Begging a dumper back just looks extremely weak and pathetic. Especially making a video. With sappy songs. And old pictures. Stop it. Hit the delete button immediately. Get this guy off the pedestal you have him on. He is NOT a god. He's just a guy. There are tons of them on this planet. It's not your problem if he's going down the wrong path, let him make his own mistakes. Please spend time reading these threads here. You cannot "convince" anyone of a second chance. You can't make someone be with you or want to be with you, or manipulate them in any way shape or form into being with you. Please stop engaging with him, go NC. He doesn't really care about you, he just wants to ease his own guilt. You don't even owe him that. So let him stew, and worry about you and what you're doing. 14
McGriff Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Worst. Idea. Ever. I hate to be mean, but the word "cheesy" comes to mind. Don't do it. 1
mahon451 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Thirded. Don't do this. Ever. It's borderline stalker-ish, for one thing... does not look good on you. 1
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 This is a terrible idea. Pretty much the worst idea you could ever come up with. This far surpasses groveling and begging. Listen, it's not up to you to "save" this guy from being with the wrong people. It's what he WANTS. He dumped YOU. He left YOU. As much as that hurts, it means he doesn't want YOU he wants something else. Begging a dumper back just looks extremely weak and pathetic. Especially making a video. With sappy songs. And old pictures. Stop it. Hit the delete button immediately. Get this guy off the pedestal you have him on. He is NOT a god. He's just a guy. There are tons of them on this planet. It's not your problem if he's going down the wrong path, let him make his own mistakes. Please spend time reading these threads here. You cannot "convince" anyone of a second chance. You can't make someone be with you or want to be with you, or manipulate them in any way shape or form into being with you. Please stop engaging with him, go NC. He doesn't really care about you, he just wants to ease his own guilt. You don't even owe him that. So let him stew, and worry about you and what you're doing. Your message really knocked me into my senses. I guess after being attached to him for so long, it's a scary process to witness him changing drastically....changing more and more away from the person I used to love dearly. We actually live together in the same apartment (move out: 2 more weeks) so stepping home each day, I'm struck with how bizarre everything is...how he's like a complete stranger. The emphasis of your main points were very effective, thank you. 2
umirano Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Ignoring him was good to protect yourself. It's precisely what is advised in the No Contact Guides. You should read them. Also, you only take an ex back if they are begging for it on their knees. Him texting you "what's up" or any of that sort is not good enough by a long shot. I guess he has GIGS (read that up too), so there's no way you can "get" him back, unless if he comes by himself. Move on. 1
nugget_718 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 It's been 2 months LC (little contact) with my ex boyfriend. After 2 years, he left me to experience fun/flings/etc. He's changed completely into a new person that I don't even recognize anymore in such a short period of time. I miss the old him so much....I made a romantic slideshow video...a compilation of all our memories together.....with a few of our favorite songs as background music. I guess I'm foolishly hoping that it would touch his heart and make him realize how special our relationship was....Should I send it in an email to him? I wrote subtitles in the video and pretty much said my heart had always belonged to him. I wish he would turn back before he digs himself even deeper in a relationship with a druggie. He was such a brilliant and sweet guy....and I want to convince him that we deserve another chance Is this a terrible idea? He's been texting me to ask how I'm doing and I feel guilty for ignoring him. DO NOT SEND IT TO HIM. I kind of understand what fueled your desire to compile a video but if I got something of that sort from my ex after a BU, I would run a mile away from that person. No make that 1,000 miles. You see, you can't force anyone to love or want you. No amount of "convincing" will change the dumper's decision. . Oh yeah, do NOT ask him about his feelings on therelationship, one last shot, etc, when he pulls away because at that pointthey're not so good and you don't want to hear them, trust me. 1
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Ignoring him was good to protect yourself. It's precisely what is advised in the No Contact Guides. You should read them. Also, you only take an ex back if they are begging for it on their knees. Him texting you "what's up" or any of that sort is not good enough by a long shot. I guess he has GIGS (read that up too), so there's no way you can "get" him back, unless if he comes by himself. Move on. He probably does have GIGS. I am his first relationship, first kiss, pretty much everything. If he hadn't left, it truly could have been a rare situation where his first love was his true love because I love him with all my heart. He says he cares for me but lost feelings.....I am a believer in relationships being work and the feelings can be resurrected with time and actions.
soccerrprp Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I ((((shudder)))) and cRiNgE at the thought..... Very bad idea....
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 DO NOT SEND IT TO HIM. I kind of understand what fueled your desire to compile a video but if I got something of that sort from my ex after a BU, I would run a mile away from that person. No make that 1,000 miles. You see, you can't force anyone to love or want you. No amount of "convincing" will change the dumper's decision. . Oh yeah, do NOT ask him about his feelings on therelationship, one last shot, etc, when he pulls away because at that pointthey're not so good and you don't want to hear them, trust me. Unfortunately I was begging/pleading him at first because he said he felt "confused" and needed several months to think about it. A few weeks after the breakup, he began a fling with the druggie and that's when he finally told me he's done with me for good. I stopped my attempts to convince him... I guess seeing him change day by day scared the heck out of me as if he's morphing into a different person.....
crederer Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Oh my lord.... I understand this because you probably watch movies where people do this and it works out. But this is real life, I'm a guy, and that stuff would freak me the hell out. 1
nugget_718 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Unfortunately I was begging/pleading him at first because he said he felt "confused" and needed several months to think about it. A few weeks after the breakup, he began a fling with the druggie and that's when he finally told me he's done with me for good. I stopped my attempts to convince him... I guess seeing him change day by day scared the heck out of me as if he's morphing into a different person..... Trust me, I understand what you're feeling. That is the "motherly" instinct kicking in. It's tough to see that the person you once loved is spiraling into someone fairly different. But you have to let him be. He will resent you and hate you more if you keep interfering in his life...a life that he is now enjoying albeit the wrong kind of life. It's good that you have stopped convincing him. Just concentrate on your healing right now and when the urge to contact him arises...come here on LS and read threads. You'll see harrowing stories of when someone breaks NC. That'll quickly change your mind.
pteromom Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 If you really want to see if you can knock some sense into him and make him miss what you had, go on a date. Preferably with someone better looking than him. If he still has any romantic feelings for you, he'll feel jealous and territorial and will hopefully explore those feelings. If not, then hey, at least you are dating someone else and trying to move on. But I fourth, fifth, sixth, whatever number we are on against showing him a sappy video. Just makes you look desperate.
umirano Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 that stuff would freak me the hell out. Wouldn't freak me out, but make me feel sorry for you. You don't want a pity-based RS... when I was younger I didn't know that they mean just as much heart ache.
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) Bad idea. It's going to make things even more awkward than they are now. Concentrate on fixing the living situation and then properly purge him from your life. Edited May 31, 2013 by metal_chick
lemonadekiwi Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 No No and NO Don't do it, EVER. I hope you won't change your mind and send it, that's the worst idea I've ever heard. Save yourself the embarrassment. Keep your head held high. All it will do is make him run even further away, and you'll feel worse. Don't do it.
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 Please stop me Today I should be appreciating time with loved ones but after 6 months NC I want to do this...maybe he is feeling soft and nostalgic this holiday? He's still the one I want
Zoe Lilith Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Please stop me Today I should be appreciating time with loved ones but after 6 months NC I want to do this...maybe he is feeling soft and nostalgic this holiday? He's still the one I want He is not feeling nostalgic!! STOP IT! 1
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 I read on here and most people whether dumper or dumpee feels nostalgic around the holidays (
Zoe Lilith Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 I read on here and most people whether dumper or dumpee feels nostalgic around the holidays ( I was being dumped out of the blue, 4 months ago and I don't feel nostalgic, not even a bit... Think about it..he broke up with you. If he has any nostalgic feelings,he will contact you. If he doesn't say anything, accept the fact that it is OVER! Please, don't make the same mistake I did. 1
Kevin_D Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 I'm actually making a video myself (animated). At first, I was in denial and thought that she was severely depressed and just couldn't handle arguing with me as well. I wanted to give her space and then do something really nice to make her happy. Now I'm beginning to realise that she wasn't completely honest with me. It seems to be a mix of 7-year itch, GIGS and perhaps a little bipolar disorder on top of that (her mother suffered from it). But still, making the video is good therapy for me. Whenever I start thinking about the relationship, I work on the video. I develop new skills and I'm proud of my work. So the question is, what should I do? Well, I surely won't send it to my ex. I think I'm gonna post it on her instead, for an audience that actually care. 2
Haydn Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Send it and set it to the Smurfs soundtrack. (No dont send it) 2
Harradin Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 I've been there, made a video and sent it to my ex. What made it so bad was that my ex emotionally and physically cheated on me with one of my former friends, then dumped me for him. I didn't know about the cheating when I made the video. I did memories, songs, photos etc, told her how I felt and gave her a choice: 1.) leave him for me or 2.) stay with him and never hear from me again. I sent it to her, she asked to meet up with me, led me on, told me she was confused and couldn't decide, chose to stay with him. I tried to say goodbye and she stormed off angry saying how "I was a big part of her life and how it was my loss cutting her out of my life." I cut all contact and went NC, its been over a year since then and I've not heard from her since. Now, I'm better off without her and I learnt many life lessons from the whole experience. Make a video if it helps you get over them, but from experience it never works so don't send it! Tbh the Xmas period is tough, but it does go by pretty quick, once you get through it then NC is easy. So stay NC and don't make/send a video or make contact! 2
Mondmellonw Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Terrible idea. If you want something, go away. It's on the dumper to look for you. And it's your choice to say yes or no, if this happens. 1
Kevin_D Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 A bit off-topic: Sometimes I play with the idea of starting a Loveshack army. What often happens after a breakup, especially if it was a LTR, is that you've lost contact to many of your old friends. Some of them might even be a bit angry at you for neglecting them during all these years. I strongly believe that you should do things for yourself and that as long as you're happy with what you do, you shouldn't care about what others think. But I can't deny, when I've hit the bottom, some appreciation and kind words can really help me through the day. The problem is, that Facebook/YouTube is based on a "Robin Hood in reverse" system. If already you're popular, you'll get a lot of attention no matter what. You may write "omg what a day!!" and the message will show up everywhere. But if I post a link to something I've been working on for weeks, most people won't even see it. Your ex will find a way to check you out from time to time and say "yep, it seems I made the right decision, nobody cares about him/her, while everybody seems to love everything I post". And the new people we date may also wonder why nobody seems to care. In the long run, you have to work on your social skills and get even more talented, so that you actually deserve the admiration. But it wouldn't hurt to get a helping hand in the beginning, because it's hard to reach the top when you've got few friends and very low self-confidence. My idea is basically: 1. Find yourself a hobby. It might be writing songs, making movies, writing short stories, carpenting, anything that helps you take your mind of things. 2. Post it here. 3. Let the Loveshack army support and encourage you to become even better. Chances are that this would be enough to create a snowball effect. More people would discover your work, new people that you meet would realise that you are the "real deal" and not some weirdo sitting at home sulking all day . This would help you gain confidence and after a while, you'd be fine on your own. The Loveshack Army has done it's job. I almost feel ashamed for writing this, but the truth is that people spend so much time on the Internet that it's impossible to neglect it's impact. Whether you're applying for a now job or looking for a new partner, it won't look good if it seems that nobody cares about what you're doing. Most people are rather shallow. If you write a short story about your broken heart and send it to your ex, it will look pathetic. If you post on the Internet and thousands of people love it, you will demonstrate higher value instead. 2
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