AmandaLeigh87 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) I met a sailor on OkCupid and within the first week of us talking, he got deployed. We spent the next 6-7 months exchanging friendly emails. When he told me he was coming back, I had already moved 4 hours north, but we decided to exchange numbers and text. For almost two months now, we have texted constantly, every day. We met last weekend, (I drove to see him since he doesn't have a car being stationed in San Diego) and we spent 5 hours together laughing and having a good time. He didn't give me a good bye kiss, but said he wanted to later in text. I'm going to see him again this weekend. Here's the issue: he talks to me as a friend. No flirting, no mention of pursuing any sort of relationship, and even though he paid for my drinks when we went out, he doesn't call what we did a "date"... just hanging out. I understand the distance can be an issue, but I'm having a hard time reading what he wants and I don't want to come off as desparate or needy if I ask him. Any suggestions or comments on something I may be missing? It's hard to tell if he's interested in me, since all we do is text. Edited May 31, 2013 by AmandaLeigh87
umirano Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 He maybe acting all cool about it because he fears getting too attached. I don't think he'd put a lot of effort into communication if he wasn't interested at all. I understand you don't want to come across as needy. But you pay a price for appearing all cool, and it means having less information. Then just keep it going until he comes clean to you, if that's what you need. As long as you don't get serious with anyone else that should be fine. Good luck!
justwhoiam Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 When he told me he was coming back, I had already moved 4 hours north, but we decided to exchange numbers and text. For almost two months now, we have texted constantly, every day. We met last weekend, (I drove to see him since he doesn't have a car being stationed in San Diego) and we spent 5 hours together laughing and having a good time. So you drove for 8 hours to spend 5 hours with him. It's fine. You had to meet him and get an idea about him... He didn't give me a good bye kiss, but said he wanted to later in text. Did he mention that spontaneously, or did you bring that up? I'm going to see him again this weekend. Here's the issue: he talks to me as a friend. No flirting, no mention of pursuing any sort of relationship, and even though he paid for my drinks when we went out, he doesn't call what we did a "date"... Hmm... I don't understand really. So you met him a first time. And once back home... didn't you ask him "so what do you think about me?" Or... "how do you think it went?" The fact that he's not flirting would be fine with me, as I'm not into that. But I'm not sure what you mean by "not flirting". Does it mean he doesn't smile? What did you do for 5 hours? Did you ever ask him if he met anyone worth it on OkCupid? Because you should... maybe he's in touch with 2 or 3 women at the same time. Also, when he asked you to see him, didn't you suggest he hires a car? And didn't you ask (jokingly): is it a date? I'm having a hard time reading what he wants Ok... I think you don't drive 8 hours back and forth to see a friend for a few hours, unless he's a very good friend or a best friend... here there's nothing special, only someone you've just met, and you don't even know what his feelings are (if any). The first time was OK. The second time is less explainable. So regarding the coming across as desperate, I'd be more worried about this that you're doing with him, rather than asking simple questions. I wouldn't expect him to mention a relationship, but at least if it's a date or just meeting an online friend. But well... now what to do? Now you agreed to meet him. So... if nothing happens during the hangout... when you're about to leave, you tell him... "Do you think this is the last time we meet?" And see what he says. If he says no, we can meet next weekend if you come here or something along those lines implying you go there, you can simply say "No, I guess I won't be coming here again... Would you hire a car and come see me?" and see what he says. If he just asks why you think you're not going to meet again, you can be honest and say "Well, I don't think I'm coming here again, and I have the impression you wouldn't come visit me" and then see what he says. Sorry if it sounds confusing... I hope not too much!
FitChick Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Can't he rent a car and meet you halfway and spend the day together?
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