beatcuff Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 i was told by a single person the reason you do not accept an offer is because you still want to be married. note he did NOT say because you love your S. btw i find it really odd that several responders keep COUNT.
Spark1111 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 Nine months pregnant as a waddling behemoth, I was propositioned by a close friend of my H's.I kid you not. PIG! his wife was desperately trying to get pregnant by this hound dog and was such a sweet lady. We were young and thunderstruck so we begged off every invite to socialize after that and we allowed the relationship to die of natural causes. It ALWAYS repulsed me to have MM come on to me. I think of her often; hoped she had that baby she desperately wanted and is now happily divorced with at least half his money. Had a married boss once as a young woman who kept, and often succeeded in bedding each new employee....told the right person and he informed superiors who transferred this joker to the cornfields of nowhere.....but that's another story. It was a MAJOR news organization and it was classic sexual harassment as in, how canI help advance your career if you don't...... Sigh. I could have sued for millions and retired at 23. Hindsight is always 20/20. 3
Journee Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 The invitation. I've had many opportunities to cheat but I never did. I never accepted an invitation to betray another man's wife. My question is how many betrayed spouses here had an "invitation" and why didn't you go for it? Honestly, I find advances from married men sleazy. It turns me off something fierce. Some MM in my experience want to keep coming after me as if I'm going to change my moral stance all of a sudden. yuck. Even while I was pregnant as another poster mentioned. I was like seriously? Do you even see me and my bump or just my vagina? Gag. I wonder what these men would have thought if their wives would had defiled their bodies while carrying the MM's baby? :sick: 1
compulsivedancer Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Confused48, there's a huge difference between outside sex with permission vs cheating (without permission). My affair began because we were discussing an open relationship and my H couldn't go through with it. I think if he had said yes, it would be a very different story. I could've shared the experience with him (or not, depending how we set it up), and he could've put on the breaks whenever he wanted to. In fact, we briefly flirted with this later during my affair. He had a brief encounter with one of my friends with my permission. I was hoping it would lead to a completely open relationship, which would legitimize my affair and turn it into something allowable (I was obviously deceiving myself). He actually feels like I pushed him into this encounter and has a lot of shame about it. But I'm not upset with him for this, since he did it with my permission. Yet I almost destroyed him by having my affair behind his back. You have nothing to be sorry about. There's a good possibility that you spouse told you to go for it because it made him/her feel better about cheating if you we're also sleeping with someone else. 1
Confused48 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Confused48, there's a huge difference between outside sex with permission vs cheating (without permission). My affair began because we were discussing an open relationship and my H couldn't go through with it. I think if he had said yes, it would be a very different story. I could've shared the experience with him (or not, depending how we set it up), and he could've put on the breaks whenever he wanted to. In fact, we briefly flirted with this later during my affair. He had a brief encounter with one of my friends with my permission. I was hoping it would lead to a completely open relationship, which would legitimize my affair and turn it into something allowable (I was obviously deceiving myself). He actually feels like I pushed him into this encounter and has a lot of shame about it. But I'm not upset with him for this, since he did it with my permission. Yet I almost destroyed him by having my affair behind his back. You have nothing to be sorry about. There's a good possibility that you spouse told you to go for it because it made him/her feel better about cheating if you we're also sleeping with someone else. Yes you are right. WS did say after DDay that was the reason I was given permission to have sex outside the marriage, i.e.: b/c of guilt. Why deny me what WS was taking without permission was the rational. I am so glad I did not do that. However there is more to tell. WS did remove permission before I could do it. But that was only after I had put some thought and effort into it. I was weak and once I started down that road I kept going, with permission withdrawn. I tried to set up a rendezvous but failed, just before DDay. I know a factor in my decision to attempt an affair was my suspicions about WS. But I still feel bad about my decision to do that. I've learned from Dday that it was a stupid thing to do. I lost all respect for the person that agreed to do it with me and will have no further contact with that person. A former lover that I've kept in touch with on a friendly basis for decades. No more. And I will not trust myself by letting myself have even fantasy thoughts about sex outside the marriage. It is so dangerous. A slippery slope. I don't want to end up being a WS.
AliciaFlorrick Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I had many opportunities to have an affair but I chose not to. I was even approached by a single guy who was 20 years younger than myself, the spitting image of Keanu Reeves and I was very, very attracted to him. The temptation was HUGE. I was an emotionally and sexually neglected wife and very lonely...perfect justification for an affair. Even though WH and I had sex 3-4 times a week it was all about him, I got nothing out of it. Through therapy we have learnt that I was in fact sexually and emotionally abused by WH from very early on in our relationship. At the time of my temptation I was actually in the process of seeing a lawyer to D as I had reached a point of enough. I had done everything in my ability to get WH to see the light and help save our M but he was so deep up his own anus...well you know what they say...you can lead a thirsty horse to water but cannot make them drink. I still walked away...as desperate as I was I walked away because I was not willing to compromise my morals and integrity and I made the choice to halt the D and give WH a chance...little did I realise that WH was in fact having an affair. I'll be honest and say had I known that it would have broken down my last line of defence and I would have ended up having an A of my own, so all I'll say is thanks be to the higher power that I did not know and that I walked away with my integrity intact. 1
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