innocent Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I am so stressed out about my relationship. My bf and I are in a Long distance relationship. I moved away to go to college. And I really do not have any friends, family, anybody here. WE have been dating for 2yrs and 8 months. most of that time was me being here. He is my first love, and I care for him so much. But our problem is fighting. Today we were talking, and I am always on my phone with him. Never with anyone else. which makes it so much harder for me. B/c I have no life here. My bf has his friends and family back home. And is always talking or doing something, visiting with them. I know that I am jealous of that and have told him that too. But I haven't been able to find a really good fiend here that my bf would approve of. But that is only part of the problem. Like I said we are always on the phone, and it is usually me calling him, to tell him where I am going and what I am doing. and sometimes we talk and others we just sit on the phone. I always ask him about his day and how he is doing and tell him about mine. but that is where the talking stops and he blames it on me. I maybe could talk a little more or find and interesting topic, and I will try, b/c I have been trying. But I said today that it was his fault b/c he doesn't really try to talk much either. b/c if I were to not say anything neither does he. I love him so much but i am so sick of being the one sacrificing everything to be with him. He gets mad at whatever I am doing, not mad but like "why are you going to get something to eat there for?" or " who is in this class" I know that he has trust issues with me but that was a long long time ago, and it was just me flirting with people which I do not do anymore. He always thinks that I am lying to him about things. and I never lie to him why would I lie to the only person I care about, my only friend? I don't have any reason to lie.
Author innocent Posted October 5, 2004 Author Posted October 5, 2004 Today he called me back after we fought over who was responcible for not talking, and said that it was really f#*ked up that I said that. I tried to call him back, but he didn't answer. I called after evry one of my classes and he still didn't answer and one time he just straight up answered and hung up. I know that I may have said somethings that were mean, because I am very bad with confrontation, where as my bf knows exactly what the problem is and can make sense out of what he is feeling and say it. I make no sense when I argue because well I don't know why. Well I am not calling him again. He can call me if he wants to be with me. I know that the problems in our relationship have a lot to do with the fact that he is not here with me. We are fine when we are together, it just is a little crazy when we are apart. I don't know what else to do this hurts so bad. I wish that he wouldn't think of me like this because he should trust me. I don't know what to do except tell him how I feel and try and fix things because I do love him so much and he really truely is a very kind, sweet, generous, fun-loving, and good person at heart. But I just don't know what to do, I am so upset
Merin Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I feel your pain.. Let me tell you, this will not get better. Your boyfriend is more than just a "little jealous" he is controlling. Listen to what you're saying.. that you haven't been able to find a friend your boyfriend would approve of.. he gets hostile IF you eat? Whats up with that? The only way your boyfriend is going to be "happy" and happy being subjective.. Is if you stay in your room, eat by yourself (in your room), have NO friends (there aren't any he is going to "approve" of) answer your phone the minute he calls, and basically have ZERO life at all. Him not answering the phone when you called back, then picking up and hanging up.. is all a game called control. I wish I could tell you that this will get better.. but honestly, I don't think it will. It isn't that you haven't proven your love or loyalty to him.. it is that he is so insecure and controlling, that it wouldn't matter what you did. I'm sorry..
humph.. Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Darling, i feel for you. I also agree with merin2, this is about control. He is not there with you, so he is acting jealous, insecure, worried, paranoid- and overall IRRATIONAL. Trust me, i have gone through something very similar. "Who are you with, where are you, who did you talk to" etc..etc.. No matter what answer you provide (being the honest one) you will always be wrong, lying, hiding something IN HIS MIND. It won't get any better until your boyfriend can learn to let go of his insecurities and encourage you to make friends and have a happy life- instead of being dependant on him. I think he believes by you being unhappy and dependant on him, it will mean you wont socialise with other guys. What he doesnt realise is that by being cruel and controlling, he is pushing you away and making you resentful. Tell him how you feel about his insecurity- and if he cant trust you- then perhaps you shouldnt be together.
Papillon Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 When you said you can't find a really good friend over there who your bf would approve of, I saw a [color=red]huge red flag[/color]. Why should you need your boyfriends approval of who you're friends with? Sweetheart, it sounds to me like you bf is a controlling, jealous jackass. Make your own goddamn friends, do your own thing, and you'll realise you don't need his approval for ANYTHING!
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