ippn1 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I know its kinda long post, but Id really like to hear few opinions so I can get a closure. I met this girl (22) because shes a friend of my friend's GF. So we hung out couple of times and she liked me, so she got my number from a friend and started texting me. After some texting (she was chasing me all along) we went out on a party and after dancing together we started kissing in a car and held hands... After that there were more messages (every day) and i took her out on a first date. We held hands entire time and kissed couple of times when i got her back home. Then she invited me in cinema (she was all over me entire movie) and we went for a couple of walks together (like a couple – holding hands, kissing,...) and i can tell she was talking about things we will do in future together so i thought, she really wants to be mine. After 3 weeks everything started to fell apart. Less and less texting, when we went out (alone or friends) she was moody. I fell something is not right. She was distant. After a month she texted me that she is not sure if she is ready for a serious relationship (she broke up with a guy 6 months ago, they were together for 3 years). So we talked, and agree we will take things slow but i didnt have any idea whats going on until i realized she didnt get over her ex (we were at a party where she saw him plus he was drunk and came to her and said something and then left. I didnt see that but friends did). After that she started to avoiding time together so i told her she should just tell me if she doesnt want to see me again. She said she liked me (we even agree to have sexual relationship – she said she wont sleep with other guys even tho we are not in a serious relationship, because Im a cool person and she might want to have something serious with me in a future). I told her i cant be waiting if her ex is a reason we cant have a serious relationship (i really really liked her and i was not far away to fall in love with her). She said every month (when she gets premenstrual) she gets depressed because of him and she wants me to sweep her of her feet so she would never think about him again. So I told her she has time to think about everything (pretty sure that was a mistake) and then tell me what she wants for us (we didnt see each other for 2 weeks because she went abroad). After she came back she told me she cant have a boyfriend right now. She didnt want to fool around and just have sex with me either. She also has bad relationship history. Her 1st BF cheated on her so they broke up. After 1 month she started dating 2nd BF and after a while she figured out she didnt get over her 1st BF so she cheated her 2nd BF with her 1st BF. They stayed together for 3 years, but 2nd BF was not treating her right (cheat her back and neglect her) and she is blaming herself for everything bad he has done in a relationship. They broke up/went back together for few times. now after 6 months since last break up we were together. She also said she will never forgive herself for what she did to her 2nd BF and that she is afraid to make the same mistake with me because she is not over her 2nd BF right now. So i said we cant see each other anymore because i cant be just friends with her. When i asked her whats the reason she wont be my GF she said she didnt fall in love with me as a main reason besides she didnt get over her ex. Now Im wondering that i didnt do enough (Im 25 and pretty inexperienced. I told her i have never had a serious relationship because I was too busy - college/semi-pro athlete. I think I lost some value in her eyes because i think she saw me as a catch and she also know for few girls they were interested in me from before - small town). I show her affection every time we were together - holding hands, legs... but there was a date before she told me she is not ready for a relationship, when she has very closed/defensive body language so there were no physical contact entire date. We were kissing (tongue) at the end of the date (something I dont do often so i may be a bad kisser but i dont know. We kissed couple of times every time we were together) and thats the reason why she didnt fall in love with me. We havent had sex even tho she gave me few subtle hints via texting, but i didnt want to rush it and i wanted to be spontaneous. I had no idea that she has baggage and everything will go upside down. It was totally unexpected – because she was so into me. Even my friends couldnt believe it (we were hanging around together for a month with her). Did i made a mistake, do you thing sex would change anything or i havent had a chance with her from beginning because of her ex? Im not beating myself up because of sex alone but because of a possible relationship we could have if i were more aggressive towards that direction. I also found out from a friend of her ex, that she texted him the following days after she saw him at a party. So have i ever had a chance to change how everything unfolds? I have a feeling i messed up because i was not enough physical (sex) with her and became a friend not a lover. It was like she got from super attracted to uninterested in a moment. I know thats the end but I d like to know if a ball was ever on my court - did i mess up? or i have never had a chance.
Phantom888 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Wow I actually read the whole post. You didn't mess up anything. She was not ready for you, and you just couldn't force feelings. It's a matter of timing. Happens all the time.... you have chemistry, but circumstances just prevent everything to work out. She needs to clear her head and figure herself out before she is ready for a new man. Stay away from her. 1
ReelAhdvice Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 she wanted to be exclusive fwb - take it take what you can now, if it will leverage you to something better in the future.
Author ippn1 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 she wanted to be exclusive fwb - take it take what you can now, if it will leverage you to something better in the future. She said she is no longer interested in sex since we wont have anything serious.
shexy Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 She's still hung up on her ex - don't go there. Just leave her alone.
OrangeSnack Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Bro, I am going through similar situation as you, however, we have not come across the whole confrontation part: meaning you expressing your feelings and she's expressing her feelings to you. This gal I met for three weeks, we have an incredible amount of chemistry but like you I am quite inexperienced because of work and college. Recently her friend passed away (not sure if its true) and she had told me she needs to be alone for awhile. Heck, how long is awhile and wouldn't you want to surround yourself with someone you like or love? But after a long hard thought and coming to my senses, I think I was a bit selfish. I needed to give her the benefit of the doubt and I am forcing myself to not contact her for the next couple of days. It's soooooo hard because there were so much passion, affection, and chemistry between us. I sometimes feel like shes the one or I will never find anyone else like her. I think you and I can relate, you seem like a very nice person and that you're willing to wait for her. Heck, I am willing to wait for my gal but in all honesty, I just don't know. I have been playing the relationship game based on my friends experiences and their advices and I can tell you that so far it has been unsuccessful. Perhaps you need to do what's right in your heart. People will tell you so many different things but in the end we are all so different. I'd say go with what your gut is telling you. Right now my gut is telling me to wait it out for a couple of days on this gal and we shall see what happens. If she comes around, GREAT. If she doesn't I think I pretty much know the answer. You're a semi athlete like myself, though I don't know what sports you played but mine was hockey. It took me 5 years to become a good skater and it took me another 5 years to become a good shooter. Ive made so much mistakes in my life and at that time it was hurtful and it felt like the world was falling down, but looking back, those mistakes were a learning lesson for me. Don't be afraid to make a mistake... I think it is safe to say that we all come here for a reason: to not make a mistake and to do what is right in a relationship but how will we ever improve ourselves if we never make mistakes? I might sound hypocritical because just awhile ago I posted something similar to your situation, seeking for help and what is the right thing to do, but after writing this, I think I know what the right thing to do is good luck bro.
Author ippn1 Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) Yeah it sucks, people telling me its not my fault but to be honest sometimes i have a feeling I should act differently. Its hard to me to accept the fact that she went from super interested to nothing in a month. I know she has issues that I was not able to overcome, but what if we did have sex? maybe she would be more attached now and forget her ex... or maybe not... It hurts because I was sure that something good has finally came in my life. I felt we will have something more together. And all was super for 2 weeks. I felt like I did almost every thing right. Sure I gained some experiences but girl like that doesnt show up often and the taught that I messed my chances with her is killing me. What bothers me is that Im not getting any younger. It hurts when im listening to stories of younger males and their experiences with women. Im left once again empty handed. Good Luck to you too. Any more opinions? Edited June 1, 2013 by ippn1
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