quankanne Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 ... in a relationship (can be applied to either sex, mind you): 1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. 2. Stop making excuses for a man’s behavior. 3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man’s character, leave him alone. 4. Allow your intuition to save you from heartache. 5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. 6. Don’t force an attraction. 7. Slower is better. 8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. 9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. 10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don’t let faith make you stupid. God does things decently and in order. 11. Don’t settle. 12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. 13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship, take that as a BIG sign that he’s unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that? 14. Don’t stay because you think it will get better. You’ll be mad at yourself later for staying when things didn’t get better. 15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren’t involved in a whole lot of mess. 16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. 17. There’s only one “reason” why a man dumps you: he doesn’t want you. 18. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? 19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince. 20. Always put yourself and your happiness first. 21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. 22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. 23. Like from the show “Sex and the City,” if he doesn’t call, he’s just not that interested. 24. Be honest and up-front. 25. Know when to cut the cord; don’t be strung along. 26. Don’t fall for the “I’m confused” role. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out, but don’t wait around for him to figure out what he wants. Move on. 27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom). 28. There’s more than physical abuse, there’s emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them, flee. 29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within. 30. Don’t let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself. That’s called a double-standard. 31. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are – even if he has more education or in a better job. 32. Do not make him into a demi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. 33. Demand respect and if he can’t give it, he can’t have you! 34. Don’t compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see. 35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he’s lying, let him go. 36. Actions speak louder than words. 37. Never let a man define who you are. 38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that. 39. Never borrow someone else’s man. 40. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. 41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you and it doesn’t mean that you are meant to be with him. 42. To use painful hard-won wisdom,”get it right” the next time. 43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life. 44. Love is a verb. 45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable, available; someone ungiving; giving; someone unloving, loving. 46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. 47. All men are NOT dogs. 48. You should not be the one doing all the bending – compromise is a two way street. 49. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else. 50. You cannot mend someone else’s broken heart. 51. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. 52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you; a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. 53. Dating is fun, even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. 54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it. 55. Never become your man’s “therapist.” 56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. 57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can mend it, but it takes two to make it work. 58. Don’t fall for the “I’m not the loving type.” When a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn’t do for you. 59. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are and that you’re always readily available to him, he takes you for granted. 60. Give him his space … let him go out with his friends, don’t pressure him to spend time with you, You can’t force a someone to hang out with you. 61. If you wouldn’t allow your daughter to be with him, then you probably shouldn’t be either. 62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. 63. Never move into his mother’s house. 64. Provide financially for yourself and don’t depend on anyone. 65. Never co-sign for a man. 66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and that he is so innocent. 67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you. 68. Never let a man mess up your credit. 69. When it’s time to let go, let go. 70. Good men should be treated like good men. 71. Don’t play games. 72. You can’t make a whore into a housewife – or husband. 73. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. 74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values,beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important. 75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts. 76. Never believe a man who says “that's just my baby momma,” – you can be sure, there’ll be drama. 77. Never believe a man that tells you he wants to be with you while he’s with someone else. If he wanted to be with you, he would make it happen more sooner than later. 78. Don’t be a man’s doormat. A real man would treat you with respect. 79. Dealings with a married man most likely won't work out in your favor. 80. There is someone out there worthy to be in your life. Let out the trash so that he can come in.
HokeyReligions Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 #68 was my downfall. #47!!!! Don't put dogs down! ALL dogs are better than men!
CurlyIam Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I didn't read the whole thread ,but i don't agree with : "f a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay". First of all,it puts womenin a position of superiority. Women are not superior to men. And this type of situation should be avoided as it is difficult to keep ahead (always be on the top). I think if both partners want their relationship to work, they try extra hard. For them as a couple, not for the other person. To me that statement is a bit naive. To me, if it's ment to work, we gotta meet half way. I am all for making sacrifices, I am not for speculating the situation in one partner's favour. Why do men have to fight for women? When do women start fighting for men? I promise to carefully read the rest of your ideas... Curly
Jilly10340 Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I agree with Curly. I agree with some of the stuff, but it just seems that some of the statements seem to say that men should beg and sacrifice for women. Shouldn't it be equal? When is it right for us to treat them like crap until they come begging for us to love them? It just seems like a double standard....
EC Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 No I agree with the list completely... f a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay" Its not saying let us women do nothing and let the man come to us...It's saying if a man wants you he'll come after you..he will call..he will marry you...he will prove that he wants to be with you....and if he doesn't want you there is nothing you can do to keep him with you. No matter how you wear your hair, or if you change your clothes...if he doesn't want you he doesn't want you. About this list..it was made for fun and not to be taken so seriously..and obviously made for women which is why it makes it seem like women are superior. I haven't read the entire list but from what I have read, I laughed and I agreed with it.
CurlyIam Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 What if his shedule is just as full as yours? should only he be the one calling? IT's like that saying "none can give a woman all she desirves because she's priceless". All human beings are priceless. As much as I'd love to agree to that statement, I think it enhances 2 aspects: 1. women who take it literally feel the need to be more in controll, more dominant, which is another way of saying that in real life they are not (or not as much as they'd like) 2.men who do this tend to be disperate. I think they usually have an ulterior motive. At least as far as love is concerned, there's no room for strong determination. Love is strong, but fragile in the same time. It does make us feel powerfull but vulnerable in the same time. IT's about certainty but about uncertainty also.That's the beauty of it. I want my man to want me but I want him to let me want him also. It's a quid pro quo. One cannot love enough for both, or want to make things work strong enough for both. Should you even be in this situation, then something's badly wrong. There's no balance, no harmony.
Jilly10340 Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I agree again. You just can't take and take and take from a guy. You have to give a little too.
EC Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Curly your reading way too much into it...your making it more than what it is... It's as simple as what it says... If a man wants you he will go after you if he doesn't nothing you can do can keep him next to you... Thats it! It's simple..your overanalyzing it. Even simpler...Boy likes you he will call you if boy doesn't like you no matter how many times you call boy he will not call you... Get it?
EC Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I agree again. You just can't take and take and take from a guy. You have to give a little too. I agree but if you read the whole thing together thats not what it's saying.... It's not staying sit there and if the guy wants you you dont have to do anything just let him come to you.... Its saying if he wants you nothing can hold him back from you...if he doesn't nothing you can do can keep him... I just can't explain it any simpler..
CurlyIam Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Its saying if he wants you nothing can hold him back from you...if he doesn't nothing you can do can keep him... I totally agree to the second part. As far as the first part is concerned.... it's the "nothing" that's bothering me. I tend to overreact to abstract words .
Author quankanne Posted October 5, 2004 Author Posted October 5, 2004 curly, do you remember the Bonnie Raitt song "I can't make you love me"? In the song, she's pouring out her feelings for her beloved, but she realizes no matter how much she loves him, she cannot make him love her back ... when someone loves you, he or she will move heaven and earth to see that relationship succeed. In a healthy relationship, BOTH partners do this, and there's really no distinction between one or the other ("you can't tell where I end and where you start" -- Clint Black, "Something that we do"). when it's a one-sided relationship (like the one Bonnie sings about), only the one person feels the power of love. you say it pretty well when you said "One cannot love enough for both, or want to make things work strong enough for both." thus the wisdom behind "If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay."
CurlyIam Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Love "I can't make you love me" (I think I know it sang by Geroge Michael), love "Something that you do", hate the choice of words and general use of "nothing", "ever", "forever", '' always" (except in love songs where they belong... and probably ocasional fights ). By far my favourite is "Actions speak louder than words". I used this a lot these past few weeks !
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