McGriff Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Ok, so some of you know my story, and I'm starting to doubt myself and my recent actions. She wanted to be friends and I cut it off and have gone into NC. I've been missing her like crazy the last couple days, and I feel like I'm starting to crack a little bit. Like I made a mistake. After I ended the friendship, I felt very strong and in control, but now I'm slowly creeping back to that place of weakness and longing. Some of you predicted it (Huffman and Simon ). I give you props!! Tomorrow is her birthday, and I KNOW I shouldn't acknowledge it, but my mind has started to create scenarios in which I should acknowledge it. Help. I still love her obviously, but my head and heart are in two different places. My head tells me "no way", and my heart says "do it". I know I need to show some strength here, but my sorry a** is sliding back to weakness. Tell me what I need to hear please.
fancy feast Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 If you can't handle it tomorrow, then turn off your phone. Leave the house, and go hiking or riverboat gambling or something. Or just treat it like any other day(which it is). 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Do you wanna be bitch-slapped?? Is that it?? Am I meant to come on over there and slap you up de head?? WTF are you thinking - ?!? You've it 'the wall' that's all! It happens.. you go all trembly, fearful, uncertain, giddy, sloppy and frankly, weak at the knees, stomach in knots.... Yup. Happens. Just grit, quit snowballing, creating scenarios, running little Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movie clips in your head.... get a grip, McGoon.... 2
Author McGriff Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Haha, thanks Tara! I actually think leaving the phone at home while I do my thing tomorrow is a great idea. Tara, could you slap me a little harder next time please?! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Stealing someone else's idea, but make tomorrow a celebration about you, not her. Do something(s) extra nice for yourself!! I know what you mean about changing feelings. When I first moved out of our house and went total NC, I felt great for the first week. Felt strong and positive. No problems. But week 2 and 3 were absolutely terrible. The exact opposite. And, since then, well that's been all over the map 1
HuffmanMontana Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Ok, so some of you know my story, and I'm starting to doubt myself and my recent actions. She wanted to be friends and I cut it off and have gone into NC. I've been missing her like crazy the last couple days, and I feel like I'm starting to crack a little bit. Like I made a mistake. After I ended the friendship, I felt very strong and in control, but now I'm slowly creeping back to that place of weakness and longing. Some of you predicted it (Huffman and Simon ). I give you props!! Tomorrow is her birthday, and I KNOW I shouldn't acknowledge it, but my mind has started to create scenarios in which I should acknowledge it. Help. I still love her obviously, but my head and heart are in two different places. My head tells me "no way", and my heart says "do it". I know I need to show some strength here, but my sorry a** is sliding back to weakness. Tell me what I need to hear please. Dude, I was being a hard ass because I could see you following in my same thought process. Bdays, holidays, etc. are great for getting one to break NC. Here's the deal, since you wrote that letter you have no choice but to stay no contact until you are fully, FULLY, healed. That was it, you dropped the bomb on her. Anything less and you look spineless. Don't think she doesn't miss you, it's just in a different way and she won't really miss you (that's besides the point) until you're far gone and she's had a few bad experiences. When you are healed feel free to be friends. One of my best friends is an ex GF. Contrary to some poster's beliefs it is possible and I would even recommend it. 4
mahon451 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Being friends with an ex that dumped you is possible ONLY under the following circumstances: 1. You absolutely do not give a single f**k what or who they are doing, unless it is out of genuine concern for their well-being (as in, the same concern you'd show toward any other friend). 2. You don't want to get back together with them. If both of those things aren't true, then you can't be friends with your ex. This is coming from a guy who is on friendly terms with all but the most recent ex, so I'm not pulling this out of my arse, I promise. 2
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Haha, thanks Tara! I actually think leaving the phone at home while I do my thing tomorrow is a great idea. Tara, could you slap me a little harder next time please?! Sure honey.
StraylightRun24 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 You've been given some good advice already in this thread and I really would advise following it tomorrow. Since my ex's b-day on Tuesday where I held out and didn't wish her a happy b-day I've actually had the best 3 days in a row since the BU. Is that to say I'm over her, yet? No, but for whatever reason I've actually been functioning like a normal person the last 3 days! Please try your hardest not to cave and wish her one. You'll most likely have a couple anxious moments tomorrow, but if you can get through them I promise you the next day you'll wake up with a new sense of self worth and confidence. 1
Author McGriff Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Thanks all for the overwhelming response. I think I can sum up the advice as "DON'T DO IT DUMBAS*!" I got the message loud and clear and I know it's what I have to do. My friends have come to the rescue with a beach BBQ tomorrow all day and into the night. I will leave my phone at home. Hope Straylight, it will have the same effect on me as it did you. I'm hungry for some power over this. And Tara. Yikes!
KatZee Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I'm going to low blow you here. Where the f.uck are your balls? Seriously. Where are they? Are they in her purse? I'm pretty sure if I searched her bag, I would find your testicles. MAN THE F UP.
Author McGriff Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I'm going to low blow you here. Where the f.uck are your balls? Seriously. Where are they? Are they in her purse? I'm pretty sure if I searched her bag, I would find your testicles. MAN THE F UP. Katzee, Hahaha---you are not the first person to tell me this sadly enough. She has definitely neutered me or something in my sleep. And it's only in dealing with her. GIVE ME MY BALLS BACK
crederer Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Our situations are a little different because me and my ex have been contacting eachother a bit lately. It's her b day in 3 days. She's always been the one to contact me me first since BU, I got a promotion a couple weeks ago that she heard about and congratulated me, etc. I want to wish her a happy b day. I don't want us to hate eachother. i have no hope in the relationship anymore and I want to be civil but I feel saying "happy b day" will be degrading myself......
thefooloftheyear Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Cmon man.... I think back to how I was in January...It was absoutely horrible..Now? Do I miss her, yes..Do I want her?..NO...I saw a pic of her with a new guy. It hurt for around a half hour...Now I couldnt care less. Its over...She is just someone I used to know... And you know what? When I came to this revelation of relative indifference, now, as if by magic, I am getting interest from women that make the one that left look like garbage.. Its weird..I never believed in positive and negative "energy", but now I do..So long as you are in the place you are now, you are wearing the big Scarlet Letter...Chasing a Rainbow...Thats all it is...And you are going to wear yourself out doing that. Your problem is that its like you keep throwing her a lifeline. So she stays afloat in your mind..Let her sink to the bottom and sail off into the sunset.. And this is one guy to another talking...I cant say its the case for you but I think many guys fall into the trap that this girl possesses the only vagina on the planet...All of them have the same parts...Every last one of them..Dont worry about that one slipping away...The next one is all the same or perhaps even better! Dont keep setting yourself back.. TFY 2
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Don't do it! Blissful, blissful silence. Take care of you! :-)
Author McGriff Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Fool, Man, I hear what you're saying. I really don't have answers as to what's going with me. I mean I fell DEEPLY in love with her. What's weird is, I didn't go through this level of heartbreak when I went through my divorce. And when I first met my current ex, I was dating a girl I liked a lot better, but it was long distance. My current ex pursued me like crazy and just grew on me very quickly. I don't know if there was some deception or fakeness with her now that I look back on it, because she possessed every attribute I was looking for. I mean she was into everything I was into, the sex was amazing, and after about a month or two of dating, we were inseparable. Her family loved me, my family loved her, and I think I just let her in way too fast. Now I'm trying to undo everything and move on, but my deep love for her, and her constant breadcrumbs over the last month or so, have just kept me off balance. The mixed signals were maddening. I mean I have literally done everything I can to move on from her. I took a trip and as I was boarding the plane she's sending me texts "I love you", and when I got off the cruiseship (in which I had no phone for four days) after partying and forgetting about her for four days, I returned to those flirty text messages. Anyway, I cut it off a couple weeks ago, and I think she got the message because I haven't heard from her. The birthday thing? I had a moment of weakness and started the bull**** justifications, but now my wits are back and there's no way I'm breaking NC. I know I've been a pussy in all this, but I guess it happens to everyone at one time or another. I'll tell you one thing, I'll never open myself up that easily ever again.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Fool, Man, I hear what you're saying. I really don't have answers as to what's going with me. I mean I fell DEEPLY in love with her. What's weird is, I didn't go through this level of heartbreak when I went through my divorce. And when I first met my current ex, I was dating a girl I liked a lot better, but it was long distance. My current ex pursued me like crazy and just grew on me very quickly. I don't know if there was some deception or fakeness with her now that I look back on it, because she possessed every attribute I was looking for. I mean she was into everything I was into, the sex was amazing, and after about a month or two of dating, we were inseparable. Her family loved me, my family loved her, and I think I just let her in way too fast. Now I'm trying to undo everything and move on, but my deep love for her, and her constant breadcrumbs over the last month or so, have just kept me off balance. The mixed signals were maddening. I mean I have literally done everything I can to move on from her. I took a trip and as I was boarding the plane she's sending me texts "I love you", and when I got off the cruiseship (in which I had no phone for four days) after partying and forgetting about her for four days, I returned to those flirty text messages. Anyway, I cut it off a couple weeks ago, and I think she got the message because I haven't heard from her. The birthday thing? I had a moment of weakness and started the bull**** justifications, but now my wits are back and there's no way I'm breaking NC. I know I've been a pussy in all this, but I guess it happens to everyone at one time or another. I'll tell you one thing, I'll never open myself up that easily ever again. Listen, bro... I was exactly where you were in the 4th month...In fact I can honestly say that some of the things you are saying echo exactly what I was feeling...Check the part I bolded.,..Yep, it was for me as well..This one was a real pro(not literally), but she knew her way around a bedroom like no one.. That does some serious shyt to guys minds, IMO..You no longer are thinking of potential negative aspects of the relationship..If you could I am sure they would come to light...It could be a case where your little head has taken over for the big one...I am not sure, but dont let this happen..Try to think, if she was a dud in the sack or a cold fish, maybe you wouldnt be hurting so much...but I dont know... EIther way..In the last two months, from month 4 to 6 I have gone from a basket case to first place, so to speak...I urge you to keep it going...Fake it till you make it...The only thing that worries me about you is that you have been hanging on so its probably gong to take longer...I have never broke no contact..She tried the breadcrumbs for the first few months , then i basically told her to leave me the eff alone...Its been silent since then.. YOU will get there, but you have to walk the walk... TFY 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I mean I fell DEEPLY in love with her. What's weird is, I didn't go through this level of heartbreak when I went through my divorce. And when I first met my current ex, I was dating a girl I liked a lot better, but it was long distance. My current ex pursued me like crazy and just grew on me very quickly. I don't know if there was some deception or fakeness with her now that I look back on it, because she possessed every attribute I was looking for. I mean she was into everything I was into, the sex was amazing, and after about a month or two of dating, we were inseparable. It's like I wrote this myself. My ex came on soooo strong and was so perfectly what I thought I wanted, it was down right eerie. We were living together within days, as she was unhappy with her current roomies. So what the hell was I to do. 'Of course', I said, 'why not?' Well, that should have been a red flag, cuz she got tired of me and dropped me off just about as fast and easy (3 years and 2 cities later). Which also makes me think she got herself a new one shortly after (or even before) we were done. All I can say is slow and steady is the name of the game next time. As long as I can muster the will power It's hard when someone who seems so right is coming on so strong. And I'm weak with women 1
Author McGriff Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 TFY, No doubt I miss the sex, but really I miss EVERYTHING. The wine and movies on the couch, the concerts we went to, hanging out on her bacony talking and laughing deep into the night, knowing we had to be at work in a couple hours, making dinner together. And so much more. Just everything. I didn't have that kind of connection and attraction for my wife of 14 years! Yes, there were some issues, obviously, and I guess I need to focus more on those. BUT, like I said, I sent her a letter (I don't know if you read it, it's posted on one of my threads) and it clearly defines that I'm not interested in friendship, only dating, and I think that pretty much puts both of us in a corner we can't escape. I haven't and don't expect to hear from her, and I think that will finally give me the space I need to get away from this, get where you and others who've moved on are. No doubt I will, it's just strangling my feelings takes some time, and I'm finally getting it. 1
s.a.i.n.t. Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 It's like I wrote this myself. My ex came on soooo strong and was so perfectly what I thought I wanted, it was down right eerie. We were living together within days, as she was unhappy with her current roomies. So what the hell was I to do. 'Of course', I said, 'why not?' Well, that should have been a red flag, cuz she got tired of me and dropped me off just about as fast and easy (3 years and 2 cities later). Which also makes me think she got herself a new one shortly after (or even before) we were done. All I can say is slow and steady is the name of the game next time. As long as I can muster the will power It's hard when someone who seems so right is coming on so strong. And I'm weak with women I feel shame in me saying i moved my girl stuff out of her old bf house. She fed me the line about no sex for 3 months, all he do is smoke weed, always broke. I realize i was a rebound and a come up. She dropped him now the table are turned 30 months later. Sad i cant stop no contact to save my life, even with other woman throwing signals. I got to stop thou, she got zero motivation in life 27 and no freaking license got to be kidding. 1
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