maximus Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Here it goes, sorry it's so long..... I am 28, she is 27. We were together for 6 years and it had it's ups and downs but we really really loved each other. I know and everybody knew I was everything to her and for the longest time all she wanted to do was be with me. We were very very close to each other's families, which is making this very tough. My g/f wanted to settle a while ago and had everything in place in her life with the help of her parents like the purchase of a house to solidify it. I found it very tough to do that with her because of her parents involvement....my stupid pride. I just wanted to get my career on track in order to make myself happy and make her happy and to be honest I just wasn't ready. She didn't commit to me in the sense that she was still attached at the apron strings and that made me believe she isn't as committed as she thinks she is and I really didn't so all the little things to make her believe I was. I kept her at arms length to a great degree just so I could make it happen for us without forcing it. We both believed we were going to grow old together. Knowing what I know now I realized I was never as committed as I should have been. I had a sister who had alot of problems throughout our realtionship and felt it was my need to take care of the family and her, thus not making her #1 in my life. My sister died a few moths ago and my g/f was right there with me. I realized that at the time she was the right one for me and she was everything to me in the world. I didn't say it because I didn't want to feel she was taking advantage of the situation and in a sense she did because she began to push, right away. I resented this in a way and kind of distanced herself from me. It was a natural reaction I guess when something like this happens but I didn't realize it. When my sister died I became everybody's best friend and the funniest guy ever....doing my best to take care of everyone else and not myself.....avoiding the realities. I immediately started to go out and enjoy myself as much as possible to take avoid. 2 months to the day after my sister died, my g/f gave me an ultimatum over e-mail. I really was so hurt that she did that because things were going to go our way and I was certain of it but I just was hurt due to her insensitivity and became very angry. I didn't answer her question but I repsponded telling her how nasty of a thing that is to do. She said "goodbye". It lingered for a couple of weeks and she thought she made a mistake but didn't let up with fighting. We didn't talk for a few more weeks and then we got back to arguing or sorting out our feelings which were both very hurt. Finally after 2 months apart she said her final goodbye. I snapped out of my emotional blockade and realized what the hell has just happened in both losing my love and my sister. I called her, met with her face to face. we talked about our perspectives and finally she said she was sticking with her decision. That we aren't right for each other, she doesn't love me, wants me to give what I learned to someone else and doesn't want to see or hear from me because she is moving on with her life. I was devastated and begged and made a fool of myself. Her best friend told me not to give up and hope that things work out because she is very hurt and angry but I must consider that she is gone. I wrote the nicest letter expressing my undying feelings and mistakes and explaining how the ordeal of what happened to my sister affected us negatively and positively. She responded an few days later with an angry phone call telling me there is nothing I can do to change her mind and that's it. I found out that she has been hanging out with a friend from work who is also in the process of breaking off and engagment. I asked her about why she didn't tell me about him and she said they were just friends, the more I pressed she told me that it looked like there could be more between them. I said bye and so did she. Her friends said she seems happy right now but she does get teary eyed when she talks about me but seems determined to get past it. This is all so very new. The first breakdown happened about 3 months ago and has been dragging on until about 3 weeks ago. My questions are, how can someone change in a week, especially after 6 years and have recently gone through so much together. How can she not feel any remorse or heart strings when she thinks about the situation. Am I an idiot to think that she is just so angry she is trying to convince herself. How can someone forget about someone after that long and appear to do it so easily? I know I have to move on but I can't believe this is happening and can't help there is hope. I have been trying so hard to think about what she is thinking and I find it hard to believe alot of the things she said because you can't just turn feelings off and bringing another person into the picture to give her the things I didn't is an easy distraction.....but does that last? I know my love for her will.
Papillon Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 I also cannot fathom how anyone can simply switch off a six year old love just like that. I somehow think your ex lived a double life, and that you were perhaps blind to it. With double life, I mean that this whole thing may have been brewing inside her mind for months, years even, but she stayed in the relationship because it was comfortable and she perhaps had some issues of her own. It's also very possible that the thing with the co-worker was a precipitating factor, and that she was cheating on you, either physically or emotionally. The only way you'll ever know is if you get her to admit it. That is, if it's really important to you. Chances are (if it's true), that she will just avoid the issue or even lie about it. Buddy...take it from all of us who have been in the trenches...you WILL move on with your life. The quicker you start seeing other girls, even if it's just casually, the faster you'll put all of this into perspective. The quickest way to get someone out from under your skin is to crawl under someone else's skin yourself.
Author maximus Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 Thanks, I know that maybe I was blind to alot. I believe 100% that she was faithful physically but emotionally might be a different story. i figured any of her time spent with this guy was safe due to the fact that he was engaged. maybe it was just chance they got out of their relationships at the time and I know they used each other for support to get through it all. Sometimes things spawn from that whether they are real feelings or not however, that makes it very easy for him to make me look like what she doesn't want and him look like what she does. I am very sure she is very confused about alot of things and if not, one day when she wakes up and looks in the mirror she certainly will......even if it doen't change anything. Cutting off my family after going through such a thing, taking all my younger sister's clothes and not having the decency to see how they are doing after the loss of my sister really makes me believe she is having a tougher time with this than I think. Her best friend just keeps telling me to let her go for a while, see what happens because you were everything to her. Sometimes these things work themselves out..... and basically giving me hope but at the same time encouraging me to move on with my life because even if she did turn around tomorrow...which I don't believe will happen, there is no way I would be good for her or for anyone in this state. She has just told me to do the little things if I still care like the "hope all is well e-mail" in a month or the Christmas card saying Merry Christmas......things to let her know I am still there. Even if it doesn't change anything, it will get her to think even just a little. It is a pretty brutal ordeal to go through but the ups become more frequent than the downs. On my worst day I forced myself out on a casual date and tonight I am going on my second.......rebound thing......yes. But it does help to a certain degree. Is it just me or do things like this ever work out when someone you know still cares is trying their best to bury their feelings and show face. I am trying to detach myself mentally but I dread the day i run into her and we have seperate lives. I know my heart would be broken all over again.......these are the trials of life I guess.
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