My ex-fiancée lied to me for 4 years...

[BrockUK]

Hi there,

 

I really don't know where to start. I guess the beginning would help.

 

I met my fianceé on-line about 5 years ago. Then I just broke up from another abusive relationship (emotional and physical abuse and bullying). She was there to comfort me and listen. She understood where I was coming from and was very supportive in my time of need. Our friendship then bloomed into something more and started dating. However, definition of dating is a little different when it comes to long-distance, so our time was usually spent with each other on Skype and playing Xbox together.

 

Things were going great, my friends (who I consider more as my family than my actual blood family) really liked her and thought she was good for me, we had a lot of common and so we never got bored of each other and rarely argued. Perfect right? Wrong.

 

She then told me one day that she had brain cancer. I was devastated that all this could come to an end. But, I wanted to remain the perfect partner and did not abandon her. Instead i was there for her and kept going the extra mile to ensure that she never felt alone and that I was always there for her. Due to the distance I couldn't go to the hospital when she had her chemotherapy, but I kept emailing her telling her how brave she was and that she will get through this. Sent her flowers, chocolates (you know, what a girl needs to make her feel better). She had chemo four times a week for 8 weeks.

 

The thing is though she never lost a single thread of hair. Suspicious, I called her out on it. Apparently she had a low dosage that didn't affect her hair. Fair enough, did not question it after that. Oh how I wish I did.

 

It was then confirmed that the cancer was gone. To celebrate, I took her away on holiday. Best holiday ever because that was when I proposed to her. However, when I returned home she said that she was pregnant. Ok sure, it was not planned but nevertheless she was going to be my wife and starting a family with her would be fantastic. A couple of weeks in during the pregnancy she had a miscarriage. I was devastated.

 

It was always me going to her, she never once came down and met my family (or blood family). Only via webcam. I wanted her to come down to me as I could not get any more time off work (she was living on disability allowance, never worked). When we did plan it she always had a health scare, such as cancer coming back. Ok sure, I did not think about it at the time, cancer is a scary thing and I wish no one with it, but this happened about 10 times. Something just did not feel right....

 

I must also add this. As I said before I consider my friends as my family. One of my best friends I love as my little sister. My sister and her got along like a house on fire, I really couldn't be any happier. Then one day during her cancer, she randomly accused me of having an affair with my sister. I couldn't believe it, the thought of that just makes me feel so sick, even today. She told me I had to chose between her or my sister. At the time, I thought she was not thinking straight because of the cancer, so perhaps this would only be a temporary situation. My sister and I never saw each other again, we were both heart broken. After the cancer went, she still thought I was seeing her. This was a battle I just could not win...

 

There are sooooooooo many other examples I can give you (one of them being that I went to hers last Christmas, her parents were going to pick us up from her house to go and have a Christmas meal but they had a car accident, so I never got the chance to meet her family...) but then I would be just waffling on, so I will get to the main event.

 

Three months ago, one of my brothers discovered something that I refused to believe. The family that she had.....was fake. The profiles on Facebook that they had were just random photos of people from the internet. A family which I built a relationship with online, was puppeted by my fiancée. I couldn't, no, I refused to believe it. You think that is bad, it gets worse. Curiosity got the better of me, if the family was fake, what about my one true love? What about the person I vowed to protect and love with all my heart?

 

I gave in, I had to find out for sure. And so, my suspicions were confirmed. I had found a police record with her picture and address on it. But with a completely different name and age, 12 years older than I thought she was, and was found guilty of committing fraud. The picture was her for sure!! Then I also found out that she was PREVIOUSLY MARRIED but also under a different name! What the hell is going on?! Oh and also, she lied about the cancer and miscarriages she had with my children. She never went to hospital for her treatments...

 

I was scared, upset, frightened, angry. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but there was none!! It took me a few weeks to build up the courage to confront her about all of this, and she denied it. God I wanted to believe her, but the evidence was all to clear and against her. She tried to kill herself on webcam, emotionally blackmailing me to still stay with her. Just who was this person I fell in love with? A persona that she created, or the real one? I couldn't stay with her no longer, it will kill me from the inside.

 

I have broken all communication with her, changed my email, phone number etc. Yet she still texts me randomly, still claiming she loves me and emotionally blackmailing me to be her friend. Pathetic really, she doesn't and will never quite understand what friendship really means.

 

Today, I have been diagnosed with serve depression and tried to kill myself multiple times. The guilt and shame that I carry and feel what I put my brothers and sisters through is just unbearable. Everyone has been so nice and supportive, saying it wasn't my fault and they are still here. I feel that I do not deserve it though, I should have seen the signs. I am getting better through counselling and starting my CBT soon, but this has really affected how I can trust anyone again, let alone getting into a new relationship. Not only am I dealing with a breakup, I am dealing with the fact that the woman I loved lied and manipulated me. If anyone here has any advice then please I would love to hear it.

 

I apologise for such a long story, but thank you for reading it. I have never really written down what has happened and to me this has helped alot. Thank you.

 

P.S My sister and I are back on track and have been catching up with the lost time we had. We have grown stronger together because of it. She really is my best friend and I will never make the same mistake again.

[KatZee]

Wow, your story sounds like an episode of "Catfish." That's horrible, but it's really scary because tons of people like this are out there in the world.

 

It really wasn't your fault at all, she's a very sick individual and nothing you did or didn't do made her this way. She has a clear track record of being a fraud.

 

Curious though, how is she still able to text you if you've changed your number? I would honestly file a restraining order on her as well. She's sick, sick.

 

And stop trying to kill yourself. Do you really think this dumb broad is worth it? Focus on all the people who are around you, who do love you. They don't want to watch you sabotage yourself like this.

 

You've run into a serious crazy train here. I guarantee you won't meet someone like this again, so be hopeful when looking to the future.

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Wow! Just WOW!

 

I'm so sorry this happend to you! Damn! Makes my actual eight years of BS pale in comparison!

 

I had a similar thing happen to my best friend, difference being he actually married her. She proceeded to clean out his bank account, make false accusations, and divorce him within MONTHS of the marriage. It WRECKED him, and I had to witness it. Wow!

 

"Predators" would be a better term/ criminal works also.

 

What an utter POS! Know what? (and I wish this on ABSOLUTELY NO ONE) maybe she'll actually get her fake disease, thus saving her next victim!

 

Sorry Man, but at least you'll never have to deal with her again! Damned PREDATORY CRIMINAL!

 

Talk about dodging a bullet? You dodged a friggin CANNON my friend!

[BrockUK]

Wow, your story sounds like an episode of "Catfish." That's horrible, but it's really scary because tons of people like this are out there in the world.

 

It really wasn't your fault at all, she's a very sick individual and nothing you did or didn't do made her this way. She has a clear track record of being a fraud.

 

Curious though, how is she still able to text you if you've changed your number? I would honestly file a restraining order on her as well. She's sick, sick.

 

And stop trying to kill yourself. Do you really think this dumb broad is worth it? Focus on all the people who are around you, who do love you. They don't want to watch you sabotage yourself like this.

 

You've run into a serious crazy train here. I guarantee you won't meet someone like this again, so be hopeful when looking to the future.

 

I know she is, but deep inside a little voice inside me is asking is there anything I can do to help her through her sickness? But she has caused me and my family too much pain and suffering, and for once in my life I need to do what is right for me. Selfish or not.

 

I believe that she is getting my number through a mutral friend. Who I don't know, but I am in the process of elimination right now so when I do change numbers I won't give it to him / her.

 

Yes I think I am out of that suicidal mind frame now, but the guilt and shame still haunts me. I think I am at my angry stage now. I have never felt so much rage in my life, it scares me. I just don't want to hurt the people that I love no more...

[BrockUK]

Wow! Just WOW!

 

I'm so sorry this happend to you! Damn! Makes my actual eight years of BS pale in comparison!

 

I had a similar thing happen to my best friend, difference being he actually married her. She proceeded to clean out his bank account, make false accusations, and divorce him within MONTHS of the marriage. It WRECKED him, and I had to witness it. Wow!

 

"Predators" would be a better term/ criminal works also.

 

What an utter POS! Know what? (and I wish this on ABSOLUTELY NO ONE) maybe she'll actually get her fake disease, thus saving her next victim!

 

Sorry Man, but at least you'll never have to deal with her again! Damned PREDATORY CRIMINAL!

 

Talk about dodging a bullet? You dodged a friggin CANNON my friend!

 

 

Wow, I am sorry to hear about your friend. I hope he has found his path of happiness now. Luckily I did miss that otherwise I would have nothing to fall back on.

 

I am just so grateful that I have my brothers and sisters by my side and helping me get through this. It will not be easy I admit, and my Road to Redemption (as I call it) is still continuing as I feel I have to prove to them that I am a worthy friend in their life...

[CarrieT]

I am so, so sorry for you -- but this seems to be a new, prevalent problem with the world of online dating and "Catfishing" is becoming a phenomenon of internet predators that fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into emotional/romantic relationships (over a long period of time).

 

It happened to me as well, so please know you are not alone!

 

I was fortunate that in my short, four week relationship, I was able to see enough red flags to make me question the stories I was being fed, but it was just as hurtful.

 

The important thing to understand is that people who do this are severely narcissistic with no sense of boundaries or the concept of right and wrong. I am sorry she is still contacting you -- blackmailing you? I hope you have changed all your contact information and are in counseling.

 

Please find a strong counselor who can help you through this. You are NOT ALONE and it was not your fault! These people are masters of manipulation. I ultimately found my guy on a site called "Don't Date Him Girl - dot.com" and learned that he had done what he did to me to DOZENS of other women. There are a handful of sites like that one. Google "online dating scams" and "Catfish scams" and you will see you are not alone.

 

Hugs.