El Brujo Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 It is so weird. Now that I am in my 30's, my self esteem has never been better. I like myself so much better than i did when i was in my 20's. Unfortunately, my self confidence doesn't seem to get any validation in the dating world. Men just don't seem to like me. All of my female friends always tell me that they think I am really smart, nice, funny, outgoing, sympathetic and fun. They also say I am pretty or have attractive features. My male friends rarely mention my looks. They usually just say I'm cool. I don't usually fish for compliments though so I don't know what they would say if I did. Here are some of the things I think that men don't find attractive about me: I am very tall (5'11'') 180 cm I am overweight; well fat really (most of that is due to a disease that I have little control over, but some of it, is of course my fault as well) I can be sarcastic, which might make me seem standoffish I don't really ask people out I was just wondering if men out there had any opinions on this. What I am asking is if you have a female friend or if your friends suggest a woman that fits into these criteria, what would be your reasons for not wanting to date her or approach her? I know that everyone has a type, but I bet that most people would want someone with a good personality and I am pretty sure that mine is nice. Well there you have it. I don't know what you look like, so I can't say whether you're as fat as you say you are... but 1. tone down the sarcasm, not every man enjoys it... and 2. approach men. This isn't Bolivia, and you're not going to get arrested for making the first move. 1
TheGuard13 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 As someone who married a 6'1, 300 pound woman... I'm seconding the "find the right guy" thing. 5'11'' intimidates some guys because they're not very tall themselves. It's not always about weight...sometimes it's also about attitude. Guys love sarcasm...if it's delivered in a sexy way. If you know you're fat and you act like it, people will pick up on that, and be less attracted to you. If you're a big girl with confidence despite her "issues" who thinks she's sexy as hell, and acts like it, there WILL be guys who will want you, and who will approach you. Or you can approach them. I think a lot of bigger girls would be surprised how many men would respond when you come onto them. 3
Els Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Being perfectly honest, I do think you will have a smaller pool of guys interested in asking you out, compared to some others. As I tell everyone, though, and as I've experienced myself (for different reasons from yours), a smaller pool is not necessarily a disadvantage. Work with what you have, and more importantly, get to know more people, not just the same old social circle you've had for years. Good luck. 2
Els Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 That has actually been my experience with dating. One of my ex boyfriends told his sister, who then told me , that he said that when he first met me he didn't really think I was his type. We started hanging out and he said that one day it just struck him that he thought I was awesome and he couldn't remember why he thought I wasn't for him. Everything just sort of grew on him. I probably won't be the type of person who goes on lots of different dates, but I bet the ones I do go on will be good because we will both already know that we like each others' personality. Well, there you have it. A man most certainly has approached you and been attracted to you; not only that, but you ended up in a relationship together. Why do you think it can't be repeated? 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 I am very tall (5'11'') 180 cm I am overweight; well fat really (most of that is due to a disease that I have little control over, but some of it, is of course my fault as well) I can be sarcastic, which might make me seem standoffish I don't really ask people out I was just wondering if men out there had any opinions on this. I think that's tough. Sounds like you're probably the female equivalent of me. I think I'm OK sometimes too, but most women do not. I know it sucks, but I would really try and lose the weight (you imply there's something you can do about it). It's huge for most men. One of my friends is not even that chubby and has a nice face. She doesn't get much male attention. If she could drop like 30-40 pounds, she'd get a lot of guys. I know. Kind of depressing. But that's the way the world is. BTW, I would go on a date with you, but we'd make for a funny pairing because I'm a little guy. Still, you seem nice. Whoa! Two struggling female threads in a row. 1
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