YOLO OVOXO Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 6+ years, almost 2 years of it long distance. We broke up about two months ago. This past week, he initiated contact with me three times. He texted me asking if he could call me, so I finally let him call. We talked for about an hour and a half. He told me what he's been up to and kept asking me how I've been and asking me what I've been doing. He said he would be visiting soon and asked me to meet up. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to talk face to face. I told him that anything he wanted to talk about, we could do over the phone...but he was being a little persistent about meeting up and was even making up excuses to see me in person. When I asked if he was looking for closure, he said, "No, not exactly. I just want to talk about things so we can move forward." So I asked if he wanted to be friends (I assumed that's what he meant by "moving forward"). He said "Not really...I don't know...I didn't really have any plans for how this was going to go." He was the one who broke up with me...so I am a little confused. Is he trying to hint that he wants to get back together, but won't say it? Thanks in advance for the responses!
BustedUpInside Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I can definitely see where you got that impression. I am not saying that he definitely does not want to get back together but he is being really wishy washy about what he wants. If I had to guess I would say that he probably just wants to rehash parts of your relationship where he felt that he came off as the bad guy. He might miss you and wants you to remember him as a good guy. Unfortunately, this happens a lot when the dumpee has gone No Contact for awhile. The dumper misses them and wants to check in so that they can get the ego boost. I am not saying that he is a bad guy, just that he is feeling bad that you guys might have some unfinished bad feelings. So............are you going to meet up with him?
Author YOLO OVOXO Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 BustedUpInside, thank you for the response. I think I will meet with him to see what he wants exactly. We didn't break up on bad terms, so I think it should be okay. He did sound somewhat regretful and said maybe he should have been more supportive in our relationship. I don't want to assume anything or have any expectations, but I am curious to know why he wants to talk.
Leigh 87 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Don't go. Tell him that you cannot be his friend, because you had feelings for him and you are trying to move on. Tell him you DO NOT want to meet up if he just wants to be friends with you. Tell him that you still have feelings for him and cannot handle seeing him right now. If he wants you back he will tell you loud and clear.
inaya42 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 he might. he likely doesn't know what he wants and hopes that seeing you will clarify things for him internally. either way the meeting will likely be very emotional because it will determine in a definitive terms what the next steps are for you -- whether together or apart. not saying that this will happen, but, if i were you, i would only go if i felt emotionally strong enough to deal with its becoming an in-person breakup...
Author YOLO OVOXO Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Thanks for the response guys...I had the same thoughts too, but I guess I don't want to regret not meeting up with him. I guess I'll just hope for the best, but plan for the worst. 1
na49 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Meet up with him realizing that it may or may not go the way you want. Hope for the best but expect the worst. Good luck!
Author YOLO OVOXO Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 So just an update on this... I met with my ex for a casual dinner (he paid for everything). Everything went well and it seemed like we never even broke up. After that, we ended up talking for a few hours. He said he missed me and still cares for me/loves me (he broke up with me). We talked about some good memories and we talked about our past problems and what led to the break-up. We both accepted responsibility for the things we each did wrong and apologized to each other. But things got really confusing when the subject of getting back together came up. He says he has no interest in dating other people and can't see himself being with anyone else, but he doesn't want to do the long-distance thing again. I am moving a few hours away for grad school this fall. He just finished grad school in another state and his lease is up this August. He was very honest with me and said he needs to figure out his "next step" first before making any promises and doesn't want to give me false hope. He did tell me that he is also looking for jobs in my state (he lived here before he moved for grad school) and if it works out, he is open to re-building our relationship. I respect him for being honest with me and that he doesn't want to settle for just any job. We both agreed that we would focus on ourselves in the meantime and see how things work out in 2 months. I know you shouldn't put your life on hold for anyone, but since him and I are both in transition right now I really don't think it would hurt to wait and see what happens. However, I can't help but feel somewhat anxious/scared/confused because of the uncertainty. Has anyone else ever been in this situation before or has any thoughts/advice? Thanks again for the responses!
inaya42 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 hi, i am sorry that you are confused and hurting and that you feel as if you are being held in limbo. i have been there: had an LDR end because of distance and career uncertainty. it's tough.... your ex has ended the relationship and took you out for what sounds like a lovely closure dinner. he has let you know plainly what you mean to him, where he is, and what his plans are. his independence and ambition are admirable, and i am sure he loves you. still, the fact is that the man whom you love has made chosen to make decisions about his life that do not include you; he has been able to conceive of and begin the work of constructing a life that doesn't include you. take his lead, and do the same. please do not allow yourself to be in limbo. the relationship ended. and while he might "be open" to resurrecting the relationship in the future, that is not an option that someone who has left should necessarily have. the breakup of an LTR is an irrevocable event with tremendous emotional fallout. i think it might be time for you to get a bit angry, to think about what is best for you, to go strict NC, and begin the work of healing. it may turn out that you decide he's not good enough for you after all.
Kay_29 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 its an ego boost to see if you still care.... if a man wants you back theres no ifs or buts YOU WILL know........
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