shaker1973 Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I just got back from a 2 week trip to London - last night. I called my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years from my connection in Pittsburgh to remind him to pick me and my mother up at O'Hare. He then told me he had moved out over the weekend!! Shock!!! We had been having trouble getting along and had been talking about moving out - but I did not expect this. I am reeling and have no idea how to handle this. I thought the trip would give us some time apart and evaluate our relationship. I was really ready to try again. I missed him so much while gone. I don't know what to do - or think or feel - I am so lost right now. I can't even cry. I want him to come back home - but he wouldn't even see me yesterday. I feel like he is running away and I just want to know what happened. I think he might have been starting to see someone else - but nothing serious - I wasn't really worried about it. It was an old girlfriend - who really did him wrong - I was jealous but not crazy. Then I come home and he is gone. He still has alot of stuff here - I just don't know what to do. I just want to feel better - Please help.
daphne02071 Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Dear Shaker You just don't know what to do... Actually, you should do absolutely nothing. NOTHING AT ALL!! It seems that he has had this decision in his mind for quite some time and he was just waiting for the right, most appropriate time to do it. Everybody here will most probably tell you that calling him, contacting him in any way, begging him to come back seeking for answers and trying to make him realise the damage he has caused with his actions, will only make him distant himself even more. Been there, done that and it is actually a totally wrong reaction. I know the shock you have been experiencing right now and your need to call him and talk to him trying to fix everything but the most smart thing to do is keep away and leave him COMPLETELY alone. This is the only way to go. By disappearing completely from his life leaving him in the dark of your feelings and whereabouts you will give him the chance to miss you and, may be, have second thoughts about his decision to break up with you. Boosting his ego with cries and whys and arguments will only make him feel more assured of his decision to pack up and leave. I know it's hard to keep yourself right now from not reaching out to contact him but unfortunately relationships are actually a game of control. Everybody talks about love and feelings but in reality the smarter and more composed is the one who sets the rules... Hugs Daphne
Just Visiting Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I second Daphne's post. He was coward to leave that way. So let him keep walking.
Mr Spock Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 We had been having trouble getting along and had been talking about moving out - but I did not expect this. I am reeling and have no idea how to handle this. I thought the trip would give us some time apart and evaluate our relationship. I was really ready to try again. I missed him so much while gone. . Your statement contradicts itself. Things were bad, but you never thought he'd work up the gumption to leave you? What you need to do now is gather all of his crap, and throw it out of your place. It's done, move on. You have to, to feel better about yourself and to heal.
fredrolin Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Originally posted by Just Visiting I second Daphne's post. He was coward to leave that way. So let him keep walking. I don't think it was cowardly. About 15 years ago I was in a relationship with a woman for about 4 months. I thought everything was great and then one day she just took off. She wouldn't see me, take my calls, nothing. About 2 months later after our feelings cooled down she called and explained why she left. Looking back she broke up with me the right way. Instead of fighting, crying, trying to make up, she just cut me off completely. For some people it's the right thing to do.
CurlyIam Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I think you at least need a closure. He should have ha the guts to tell you face to face about your decision, confront you, explain why he does not want this relationship anymore and then, leave. This is what men do. Little boys pack their stuff and leave when mommy's not there. He isn't sure, that's why he ecided to burnall the bridges. Because all sensible women willnot chase him looking for an answer, for justification of his actions. This is the man you've been with for 2 YEARS. Regardless of your prior misunderstandings, no one disearves this treatment. Cry all you can, swear, shout and get him out of your system. A man who reacts like this isn't much of a prize anyway. Give yourself time to suffer, time to cry,to hurt so that you can heal. No contact seems apropriate. But f*** apropriate, talk to your friends an do your best to move on. If it means calling him every 5 minutes, do it. If it means throwing his stuff away, do it. If it means no contact do it. Whatever gets him out of your system. Don't be afraid to share your feelings with your friends, Curly
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