realthrowback Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I'm a male 41 and have been back in the dating scene now that my 1.5 year relationship had come to an end earlier in the year. I eat breakfast at the same place everyday. Behold a young woman in her mid 30's walks in and I started getting nervous because it was just me and her in there and she sits down 4 tables away from me. She decides to face me with her back to the TV. I'm thinking that could be a good sign. Glances are exchanged, quite a few in fact. I'm not shy about saying that she is a better looking woman that I am a man, and let's face it. I'm divorced twice with one adult child and one 10 year old. Financially I am in a rough place due to risky investments, and frankly it has affected my confidence as it's on my mind that I will have to eventually disclose this to anybody I'm dating. On the plus side, my income is good and I'm in good physical shape. Once upon a time it was common for me to have the attention of beautiful women, but that has somewhat changed and it came to a bit of a shock to me that this woman was looking at me the way she was. So I'm getting very nervous (can't stress that enough), but determined to make something happen. I told my waitress to please let me pay her bill but not to tell her that I paid until I was gone. (I didn't want to put her in a position where she felt uncomfortable or that she owed me anything). So as I walked out I asked her how she was doing, I didn't quite make a full stop at her table but as I did she gave me a very nice smile and returned the small talk. I was a bit mad at myself for not taking it farther, but remember my hunting skills are wayyyy dull and I'm not in this situation anymore. Soooo, today I go into the restaurant and the girl had given the waitress a note to give to me. Essentially it was 3 sentences expressing how I brightened her day and that it was very sweet of me etc. She signed her first and last name but no phone number. Can't lie, I googled her. I could easily facebook her although I don't have facebook. My question is, would I seem like some kind of weirdo for continuing to pursue. Despite being nervous etc I do have pretty big balls and even though I get very nervous I'm not scared altogether, although I must say I will never get used to the rejection. It may only get tougher due to some of my financial struggles and diminishing looks. So, can anyone tell me why should would put her first and last name, or am I reading too far. Any advice is greatly appreciated and thank you for your time....
Imajerk17 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) Facebook her. If that is the only way to contact her then get a FB account. She gave you her last name for a reason. What do you have to lose. Let us know how this turns out! Edited May 31, 2013 by Imajerk17
shexy Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I say get yourself a facebook account and look her up :-) Why not?
Lani Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I say that next time you see her, ask her to join you. Be bold. You really don't have anything to lose. I disagree with the Facebook thing. She would clearly be able to see that you have only just created an account, thus making it look creepy that you contacted her so soon. Also- Facebook sucks.
Imajerk17 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I say that next time you see her, ask her to join you. Be bold. You really don't have anything to lose. I disagree with the Facebook thing. She would clearly be able to see that you have only just created an account, thus making it look creepy that you contacted her so soon. Also- Facebook sucks. In person is better I agree. What if she doesn't come back to the restaurant in a while though? It appears that Facebook (or maybe email) is the only reliable way the OP has of contacting her and so that is what he will have to go with.
Lani Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 In person is better I agree. What if she doesn't come back to the restaurant in a while though? It appears that Facebook (or maybe email) is the only reliable way the OP has of contacting her and so that is what he will have to go with. Then wait.. There isn't really another option. The Facebook thing is a terrible move.
daisybuchanan55 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Create a Facebook account and put it on the HIGHEST privacy settings so that she can't see you have no other FB friends, no wall posts, no photos, etc. Have your kids help you if you don't know how LOL. Then friend her! Send a message with the request. These days you have pay an extra $1 to get your message (since you won't be friends yet) to show up in her inbox. PAY IT. Let us know how this turns out! I would NEVERRRRR put my last name if I didn't want the person to contact me again.
Lani Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Create a Facebook account and put it on the HIGHEST privacy settings so that she can't see you have no other FB friends, no wall posts, no photos, etc. Have your kids help you if you don't know how LOL. Then friend her! Send a message with the request. These days you have pay an extra $1 to get your message (since you won't be friends yet) to show up in her inbox. PAY IT. Let us know how this turns out! I would NEVERRRRR put my last name if I didn't want the person to contact me again. Oh god... The Facebook thing is such a bad idea! If, for whatever crazy reason, you do it, PLEASE don't friend her. Just send her a message without friending. You are not friends. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I say that next time you see her, ask her to join you. Be bold. You really don't have anything to lose. I disagree with the Facebook thing. She would clearly be able to see that you have only just created an account, thus making it look creepy that you contacted her so soon. Also- Facebook sucks. This was exactly what I was going to say (except I don't think FB sucks). If you see her in the restaurant again, invite her to join you. If you haven't run into her in a week, send her a funny note via the waitress with your full name and number, and ask her to contact you sometime. Do you know if she comes by that restaurant regularly? Maybe ask the waitress what time she usually comes by since you hadn't seen her previously. Her schedule may have been off that day. Nothing creeps me out faster than a guy who researches you or searches for your contact information online. If I wanted you to have it, I would have given it to you or told you to contact me via xyz. Of course other women may differ... 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) In person is better I agree. What if she doesn't come back to the restaurant in a while though? It appears that Facebook (or maybe email) is the only reliable way the OP has of contacting her and so that is what he will have to go with. She could have given him her number. She could have asked him to contact her via Facebook in the note. She did neither...for a reason. Perhaps she was just being polite in thanking him. Perhaps she's a little intrigued. Who knows? I always thank guys when they do me a favor, regardless of my interest level. Either way, she left communication firmly within the confines of the restaurant. In his shoes, I would follow her lead in contacting her but give her the option of moving it outside that venue. I'm a big fan of paying attention to the cues people give you in early dating. It saves a lot of missteps. Edited May 31, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 Typo
ascendotum Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I agree with Lani & CP here. Much better to follow up in person. Ask that same waitress at the restaurant if she has seen her there before and what days/times she is likely to come back in again or if she happens to know anything about her (ie she works in the nearby accounting firm). I would think including her surname was deliberate but I would not rush to open a FB account. Paying for a stranger's meal to get a woman to like you more, to me is not a good strategy, but in terms of getting a woman's attention it not such a bad one if you are correctly interpreting her body language (if she fancies you its a sweet gesture, if she doesn't you're just another chump trying to buy her attention). It seems to have been appreciated by her which is good.
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