SimonSerenade Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 So me and my ex got back together and things have been great, very lovey dovey, everything was going great and everything was feeling pretty good, she was in a mood tonight, probably due to tiredness from working, so the atmosphere wasn't all too good, an argument came about because I asked if she'd made her new Facebook account yet, she had a go at me saying she needed her old one for selling her kittens on, I always said i didn't care about her having Facebook but knowing she's using the one where guys use to chat her up and flirt with her made me feel uneasy because there's just so many of those guys still on there so she agreed she would just make a new one for close friends and family, I felt that was a fair thing to do. So anyway she winds up coming out and saying she only got back together with me because she felt sorry for me, my heart sank, my hopes dashed and my pride all kicked away in that moment, I felt like a fool, it seemed like it was going down the road where she finishes me again so I simply said "let's forget this happened and carry on like normal", a hard thing to do but I've coped in the past when she's said similar things. She claimed a week back that she was sure she's been suffering from bi polar and depression and she thinks she's been the way she has because of that so I've just tried brushing it off and forgetting about it, at the moment I'm not sure if she meant it or not, she's a good liar if she did as we've got on great and been very sweet to each other, it's painful to think about. So right now I'm wondering if I carry on with her like nothing was said or do I let her leave me?, right now it seems that's what she is edging towards, I just don't know if I would be standing by her or standing in her way, I love her, despite everything and anything she's ever said and put me through, I love her and have never had any doubt that she's the one for me. What should I do?
aisuru Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Oye. I dunno... but you have to get a hold of the insecurity. If she wants to be with you over the other guys, she will. Who cares if she has the old FB. Don't try to control that. She's reacting to your insecure desire to control. Be confident. Be good to her. Be the person you want to be with, ya know. Let the chips fall where they may. Maybe she does like some of their validation, but for now, she's choosing to be with you. If you force her hand, she'll just hide it from her. I really don't know what else to say... 1
maturityassets Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Well you can't simply ignore what was said, but if you are determined to make this work than change who you are. Just be confident as others would say. Ride it out. Just don't expect everything to be back as it once was over night. You're on very testy grounds at this point. This is pretty much a test to see if you guys will actually work out as a relationship I suppose. Best of luck though. Go with the flow as people would say
BustedUpInside Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Well, I am not sure if this is good advice or not, but if I were in your shoes I would give her an ultimatum. I don't normally advocate hard lines like this, but you have got to take back some control over your life. You can't just wait for her to leave you, or decide what she wants to do while you just wait in the wings and have your life planned for you. If you really want to be with her then sit her down and tell her that there are only two options. Either she commits to making the relationship work by getting professional help for her mental problems and possibly couples counseling -or- you are breaking up with her. You are not going to wait for her to eventually decide what she wants to do because you have a life to live and it is hurting you to be in limbo. See what she says. If she doesn't seem committed to making it work and just wants to see where it goes, then you have your answer. If she is not willing to make your feelings and needs a priority then she doesn't get to enjoy all the wonderful things that you bring to the table. Period.
Leigh 87 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 If a girl really wants to be with you, she will not even look at other guys. Lol. Guys have more of a tendency to look at hot girls.. yet girls tend to be more loyal and once they are really in love, I do not think most of us even think about other men. I have been with a guy for years, when I was 18 - 20. I was not IN love with him so I thought about being with other guys. When I fell in love, I realised there is just no way I could even think about other men. Relax. She seems to want to be with you. Just learn to talk your worries through with her in a calm and healthy manner. And not every day - do not bring up your insecurities about other men she talks to on a daily basis. From my experience, it is better to try to get over issues and, only if you struggling, touch base with your partner once a week or so about it if you really just feel the need to talk though it with her. And always start conversations in a positive way, for instance: " hey it is so great we got back together I feel you really love me. I am so annoyed with myself, I seem to still get a little hurt when you add other guys on facebook.. Tell me I am being silly, I am sure it is nothing"
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Thanks for the great advice guys, I geuss I'm on the edge at the moment, I don't know if she talks to these guys still or not, I haven't asked and never will, just bugs me that there still on there, I don't keep tabs on her, I don't even have Facebook, it's just something that really doesn't appeal to me. I just want some stability and for the last few days there was plenty of it, now out of nowhere there's not, I think she's fighting with herself over it at the moment and I'm just going to give her some time to herself and figure out what to do for the best, there seems to be quite a few things she has problems with in the back of her mind, she says she just doesn't suit relationships, I think she sees being with me as a commitment she's too young for and sadly if I'm around I'm going to spoil all the fun. I'm just a simple guy, I buy a video game from time to time and that's my fun lol I've always been an engineer yet the best job I've ever had was working in a cafe on a train station because I just love trains and it was just such a simple job!, other than that she's worried I don't like traveling and holidays and she ain't wrong, even when I've followed spurs round Europe I hated it, I just don't get on well with other cultures, prefer a nice rainy British day I've tried so hard to be what she wants, I've tried so hard to do what she wants, even if it did end, I could always say that which is of great comfort if nothing else, I just know no matter what she's always been what i wanted, I've been very easy on things since we got back together and haven't really put a foot out of place yet she still finds something out of somewhere that I've done wrong. I can understand her confusion and what not if she's got mental problems, I just can't accept it's the reason she talks to me like crap but won't talk to anyone else that way, I just don't know how to handle her like that, so much for the easy life I wanted lol
SuperGeek Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 If any girl tells me they are dating me because 'They feel sorry for me'... I will thank them for being honest, pack my sh|t, and leave the building... forever. I wouldn't even give them a reason if they weren't smart enough to figure it out. Life is too short to be treated like that. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I love people who travel. I have lived overseas and have travelled since I was little with my parents. I am about to visit Europe and Russia. I reallllly do not get people who do not feel like exploring the world. I cannot relate to that on any level. But do you know what? Your attitude is so attractive that I would date you, even though I love travel! You know who you are, and your happy with that! That's awesome. You have absolutely nothing to change, except traits such as getting easily irritated, not giving your girlfriend enough affection (within reason), and things like that. Your core personality insofar as what you like and dislike? NEVER change that for a women. .......................... Just be a decent, nice and respectful person to her. If that is not enough, your both better off moving on entirely. You may have strong feelings, but aren't you both better off moving on and going through short term pain, so that in the long run you both find partners who DO accept you for who you are? I am not in your position and I do not know your relationship well. I am just giving you some things to think about. Talk to her and make sure she can just accept you for who you are. That is very important and she needs to know you feel this way. 1
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Thank you so much, it's been a long time since anybody has said something that genuine and nice to me it really does mean a lot, I do travel, just not abroad though really, maybe it's that I've been everywhere I wanted to go and didn't want to go lol and all I thought about was home and nice British holidays, when I last visited the u.s people would always say how they'd love to live in the u.k never mind just visiting it and it gave me a real appreciation for my surroundings, for some reason the thought of visiting Russia always scared me, there's a lot of hate in countries like that, beautiful country never the less, just spoiled by a minority in their society. It's funny because I really don't know what to change for the better, I've always been affectionate towards her, she knows she's special in my eyes because I've never let it be known otherwise, since we got engaged at Christmas she's had nothing but doubts so it seems and has finished me several times, i think that would be the main reason for my lack of confidence, it's hard knowing someone can take you for granted like that, almost like they can do anything to you with no worries about consequences because they have you wrapped around their fingers, I really do need to learn how to be strong. I've never actually been anything less than kind and respectful towards any woman, I was raised by my grandparents and I always tried to follow their footsteps, I knew all their values and they taught me how to respect people and be with someone who not only respects me be respects themselves aswell, I've seen how she used to talk to men first hand and that's always stuck in the back of my mind, sometimes she treats me like I'm not better than one of the run of the mill *******s she used to be with rather than the one in a million person she found and couldn't be without. I think you've got a point, I'm going to leave her alone for a good while and see what she comes up with, i want so much to be the one for her but I also need to be treated like the one too and if she can't do that then yeah, we're better off apart.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) Lol. Guys have more of a tendency to look at hot girls.. yet girls tend to be more loyal and once they are really in love, I do not think most of us even think about other men. This may be the most ridiculous thing you've said yet!! I think you should stop giving advice, as you clearly do not accept anyone else's advice. But rather defend yourself and your self-destructive actions over and over and over. You have historically proven that your ideas/views are not seated in what most of us would call 'reality'. And you may actually be causing significant damage to people who are genuinely seeking helpful advice to their problems. Edited May 31, 2013 by mtnbiker3000 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 And you may actually be causing significant damage to people who are genuinely seeking helpful advice to their problems. I totally agree.
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