Scrab22 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Have you ever seen this nice guy/girl? You know, the person who is polite to everyone, very friendly towards people. Fairly innocent. I'm talking about this as a high-schooler, in 12th grade. I've known many nice girls. There's one short girl, who always smiled with her bracer-treated teeth (she had bracers, hence her smile is always beautiful), talks kindly, and she's quite successful - she has a driver's license, high-top grades, aspires for school excellence. She likes dogs. She doesn't have any piercings. Many boys talk to her and she talks back. Now that I'm writing this, I've been thinking... Those nice girls... always surround themselves with boys. Do they do it on purpose, or does it come to them naturally due to their kindness? I seem attracted to kindness and goodness, but I feel like it's just plain innocence. Both of my ex's are kind and good. The first one has a sweet light tone, plain friendly and gentle. She's also cute. But she broke up with me, and after the breakup "brushed" me here and there. From that I learned that there's no need to be kind to your ex after a breakup (doesn't mean that I have to be a douche. Just not kind). The second one always helped people in school. Now.. she's that type of girl surrounded by boys. Some of them ask for help in school, maybe some other times for chat. And... she was a disaster. Brushing me up when I attempted to meet her. From here, it seems kindness and politeness are just a mask, and not the real person. Overtime I've come to a conclusion. Intimacy should only be shared with your partner! I have a friend girl, to whom I sometimes feel an attraction, due to her great kindness and cute smiles. However, I've heard she ended many relationships in a very short time. She has many boy friends, and can sometimes end up being around them allot. She once offered me to sit with her on the same seat, when we were chatting in a hall at school (I was sitting near her on the floor). I refused to, even though I have this slight attraction. The reason I refused to sit with her is that I didn't know her intentions. A good friend of mine told me it's just an innocent act. Also, it's such an intimate act! Why would someone do this as just a friend?? So let's see... if a person is not innocent, and acts kindly, is THIS true kindness? I've seemed to grow some spite towards innocent people, who are just kind and their lives seem great, without troubles and just talking about school and are just plain boring. I consider both of my ex's to be innocent. The first is ALWAYS happy (unless I was around her after she'd broken up with me. Not always, but sometimes). The second is surrounding herself with over-achieving (School, driver's license... She just want to get done with those excellently and ASAP). Discuss, and perhaps we can find a solution to the problem together!
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I am only going to address one of the many points you made, namely that you picked two nice girls as girlfriends and are trying to work through what happened. Girl#1: stopped talking to you and would brush you off after she broke up with you. I'm sure it didn't feel this way, but that was one of the nicest, kindest things she could have done for you after breaking up. It helped you realize that the relationship was definitively over with no hope that you might ever get back together. If she had been nice, remained friendly, and continued to chat with you and treat you just as sweetly, you would have held on to the hope that she might change her mind. You would have read into anything she did--grasping at each breadcrumb...trying to win her back (when you didn't stand a choice)...dragging the whole painful process out because you thought there might still be a chance. That can result in so much more pain for far longer than you experienced. As mean as her behavior seemed to you, it wasn't. Be thankful that she very clearly cut you off. Girl #2: In another thread, I commented to you that breakups almost never come out of the blue. There are invariably signs. Her no longer being as nice? Her getting irritable and short with you? Blowing you off? Forgetting to meet you? Whatever she did? I agree. None of that is very nice behavior. But those are clear signs that your relationship is headed to Splitsville. I personally would be thankful for the heads-up. None of us is perfect. Genuinely nice people are occasionally mean. I'm sure there are a few things you have done of which, in retrospect, you're ashamed. We can all be better people. You seem like a nice, decent guy based on your posts. I don't know either girl, but since we tend to attract into our lives people who are similar in disposition to ourselves, I'm going to guess that for the most part they are fairly nice, decent girls too. They weren't deliberately mean nor was their primary objective to hurt you. People occasionally hurt us despite the best of intentions--parents, sibs, friends, exes... My advice: try to avoid becoming distrustful because you've had two breakups. Relationships end. It hurts. Heartbreak is hard. But most of us recover, heal, regain our optimism, and fall in love again with someone new and better suited to us. You will too.
thatone Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Have you ever seen this nice guy/girl? You know, the person who is polite to everyone, very friendly towards people. Fairly innocent. I'm talking about this as a high-schooler, in 12th grade. I've known many nice girls. There's one short girl, who always smiled with her bracer-treated teeth (she had bracers, hence her smile is always beautiful), talks kindly, and she's quite successful - she has a driver's license, high-top grades, aspires for school excellence. She likes dogs. She doesn't have any piercings. Many boys talk to her and she talks back. Now that I'm writing this, I've been thinking... Those nice girls... always surround themselves with boys. Do they do it on purpose, or does it come to them naturally due to their kindness? I seem attracted to kindness and goodness, but I feel like it's just plain innocence. Both of my ex's are kind and good. The first one has a sweet light tone, plain friendly and gentle. She's also cute. But she broke up with me, and after the breakup "brushed" me here and there. From that I learned that there's no need to be kind to your ex after a breakup (doesn't mean that I have to be a douche. Just not kind). The second one always helped people in school. Now.. she's that type of girl surrounded by boys. Some of them ask for help in school, maybe some other times for chat. And... she was a disaster. Brushing me up when I attempted to meet her. From here, it seems kindness and politeness are just a mask, and not the real person. Overtime I've come to a conclusion. Intimacy should only be shared with your partner! I have a friend girl, to whom I sometimes feel an attraction, due to her great kindness and cute smiles. However, I've heard she ended many relationships in a very short time. She has many boy friends, and can sometimes end up being around them allot. She once offered me to sit with her on the same seat, when we were chatting in a hall at school (I was sitting near her on the floor). I refused to, even though I have this slight attraction. The reason I refused to sit with her is that I didn't know her intentions. A good friend of mine told me it's just an innocent act. Also, it's such an intimate act! Why would someone do this as just a friend?? So let's see... if a person is not innocent, and acts kindly, is THIS true kindness? I've seemed to grow some spite towards innocent people, who are just kind and their lives seem great, without troubles and just talking about school and are just plain boring. I consider both of my ex's to be innocent. The first is ALWAYS happy (unless I was around her after she'd broken up with me. Not always, but sometimes). The second is surrounding herself with over-achieving (School, driver's license... She just want to get done with those excellently and ASAP). Discuss, and perhaps we can find a solution to the problem together! What you'll find as you get older is that women need attention from you a lot more than you need attention from them. Has nothing to do with nice or not nice. Everyone is looking out for #1, on some level.
Author Scrab22 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I am only going to address one of the many points you made, namely that you picked two nice girls as girlfriends and are trying to work through what happened. Girl#1: stopped talking to you and would brush you off after she broke up with you. I'm sure it didn't feel this way, but that was one of the nicest, kindest things she could have done for you after breaking up. It helped you realize that the relationship was definitively over with no hope that you might ever get back together. If she had been nice, remained friendly, and continued to chat with you and treat you just as sweetly, you would have held on to the hope that she might change her mind. You would have read into anything she did--grasping at each breadcrumb...trying to win her back (when you didn't stand a choice)...dragging the whole painful process out because you thought there might still be a chance. That can result in so much more pain for far longer than you experienced. As mean as her behavior seemed to you, it wasn't. Be thankful that she very clearly cut you off. Girl #2: In another thread, I commented to you that breakups almost never come out of the blue. There are invariably signs. Her no longer being as nice? Her getting irritable and short with you? Blowing you off? Forgetting to meet you? Whatever she did? I agree. None of that is very nice behavior. But those are clear signs that your relationship is headed to Splitsville. I personally would be thankful for the heads-up. None of us is perfect. Genuinely nice people are occasionally mean. I'm sure there are a few things you have done of which, in retrospect, you're ashamed. We can all be better people. You seem like a nice, decent guy based on your posts. I don't know either girl, but since we tend to attract into our lives people who are similar in disposition to ourselves, I'm going to guess that for the most part they are fairly nice, decent girls too. They weren't deliberately mean nor was their primary objective to hurt you. People occasionally hurt us despite the best of intentions--parents, sibs, friends, exes... My advice: try to avoid becoming distrustful because you've had two breakups. Relationships end. It hurts. Heartbreak is hard. But most of us recover, heal, regain our optimism, and fall in love again with someone new and better suited to us. You will too. Yeah, they've always remained nice and all. When you say I should keep my trust, does it count for even dates? Because I've always shown trust on dates, even after the breakups. For instance - a girl who didn't respond to my email when I offered to meet up - my friend told me she'd had email problems with sending to people. But I told myself "I trust she's seen my message, and if she really wanted to, she'd catch me up in a different way. So I'll let her go with her decision, and move on". As for another person I asked for a date for 2 days after the day I asked, she told me on the last minute that she can't but said there's the whole holiday for a meeting. I said "ok, just tell me when you feel like meeting". I gave her the trust that she knows about it, and that if she wants to meet up she'll contact me. She hasn't talked about it till this day. I would ALWAYS put trust in the other side. Not with a smile, but thoughts, since I consider many things, I always listen to the other side... But in those cases, I just move on. No need to be close friends either. I prefer my gender for close friends, really. If it's a girl, then it's a girlfriend. As to what's the question of this thread - it's not really a question, but something I've thought of and what you guys to know what you think. I think most really nice people are innocent. That girl who offered me to sit with her on the same seat - I have this feeling of doubt that there are romantic intentions behind it, from what I know about her. It was just as friends. Just as friends? They take all those intimate moves and kindness for granted, just to be friends? I want to share intimacy and warmness with a girlfriend, not a friend! This is why I feel like most nice people are innocent. Most of the nice girls I've known ARE innocent - their lives seem perfect, they always smile, always around men (to whom they're probably allured). But I won't let that kindness allure me. I honestly prefer someone who is a bit less than very kind and is more obvious when he wants a relationship and knows that no relationship is perfect and should not be taken for granted, than a really nice person who is always surrounded by men, just sees the world as friendship friendship friendship, and everyone likes them to a point that if the nice person had a partner, he could've broken up with him. Why? Because he's found a nicer person and has developed a close bound with him. In a nutshell, you should have only one close friend of the other gender - your girlfriend/boyfriend. And when one of you breaks it up, find another partner. Don't stick close to the other gender. There's no point in doing so. I'm sorry if this seems harsh. Maybe I'm not expressing my point in a gentle way, or even the most right way. Till now I highly appreciate your mature replies!
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