Moniq Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Dan, my ex and I went to mediation and today he is filing. I am so broken it hurts! Thank god you have someone like your lady to help you with this. I can't stand to be around me anymore.
Author WreckedDan Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 So just a little update... My daughter called today, she's doing great in school. She seems fairly settled in with our new arrangement. I'm glad she is adjusting. half way through the conversation she let it drop that Mommy is moving next month... I could hear in the background my ex whispering something, and my kiddo just said never mind, I'm not supposed to talk about this cause it might hurt your feelings. Seems to me the ex is moving in with the douche bag... fun times. makes me sick. I don't trust this guy, and I seriously doubt the ex's judgement. Bleh, Dan
Oberfeldwebel Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Dan, Glad that you are progressing forward. The 90 day period will allow you to start a new year with a new you. I suggest that you have a conversation with daughter and ex that she should not have to filter herself while talking to you. She is a little girl and should be able to tell you anything. Somethings you will like, some you won't, but as a child she should not have to stress out what she can say. Don't look at it as if your ex is moving, your conversation is between you and her. She is moving and will have a new room and colors and all those things that interest her. These other two people happen to live there also, but your conversation needs to be about her. As she makes these transitions, you need to talk to her as much as possible, so she knows you are there. You are doing well. 1
Author WreckedDan Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Ober, Thanks for that great advise! I love being shown new perspectives and that one will really help. My only issue is that I don't trust the guy and the ex is stupid so I worry.. but you are right. I will focus on how my kiddo is going to be going through this change. Dan
Misadventure Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Dan, haven't seen your posts lately? Keep posting and let us know you are ok. We all care. Screw her!!! Not literally...You might get the clap lol. But you know what I mean... you have alot going for you as YOU and she can go F herself... you are a good Dad and just don't let her daughter get caught in the muck.
Author WreckedDan Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Okay.. um here is an update.. when this all started I went into a drepression so hard I didn't eat... now I feel amazing most of the time, but I'm gaining back the weight!!! I looked in the mirror and got depressed... I don't want to have to starve myself again to drop the garbage weight but... arrg! Sorta off topic I guess, Dan
Author WreckedDan Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Hey guys, It's Sunday night... I've come to the conclusion that I have two severe downs to look forward to each week. Friday nights, I have to drive out to pick up my daughter. It's an hour of quiet with nothing to reflect on other than the fact that I am now forced to drive an hour each week to spend time with my daughter, and that I have to see the ex... Then Sunday nights, when the ex shows up to take my daughter away from me... I really hope those two moments in life get easier, because right now they are utter crap. Summer time I get my daughter for a longer period each weekend so I look forward to that but seriously, I used to get to be with my kiddo every day. Really tough making this part of the transition. I guess they will be moving in to the ex's SO's place next month... joy. Bleh! Sunday nights are lonely, Dan
Author WreckedDan Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Been a while... Good days and grey days... the bad ones are past. I still cry, but now it only comes when I see a particularly emotional show, or if it's over the lack of time with my daughter. Divorce is well under way. November 25th is the day we set the final court date. Parent teacher confrence in 6 hours.. can't sleep. Seems my new lady friend has some serious PMS issues once a month.. she verbaly attacks over misinterpeted text messages... it's way strange. Other than that we are doing well. Not sure how long it will last, as I am not for games of that manner she is a pretty cool chick though. Gonna party on Halloween, and see Nine Inch Nails in November.. fun stuff to look forward to. Anyways just an update. Miss you guys. Dan
Author WreckedDan Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 One more thing... You ever have one of those days where you have like 15 things to do, and you get about 5 done because there is no time, then you also know you will have even more to do the next day? I've been feeling this way for like 2 weeks straight... can't seem to get my feet under me again. Not depressed, by anxious or something.. not sure what it's from. Curious, Dan
worldgonewrong Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 That feeling you just described - I know it. You're just recalibrating. Re your ladyfriend/PMS/verbal-attacks: gently, kindly, nip that in the bud when she's not PMS-ing. Always communicate. If she can't deal, then heave-ho. 2
Author WreckedDan Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 WGW thanks for the reply! I actually spoke with her in length about that last night. She is well aware she does this and she apologized. She said she will work on it. This recalibrating sounds like what's going on... I'm forcing myself to change the way I buget my money, I'm quitting smoking, dropped my home phone (who even uses one any more) lots of small things to save money. Hoping at some point that some of this will become routine. Cheers, Dan 2
Author WreckedDan Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Hey guys, and gals =) So um.. advice? The ex and I each have a dog. I have been taking care of them both this whole time. We both agree that keeping the dogs together is best for them. I'm thinking of letting her have both the dogs, but it's a tough call since I really love my dog... I think they would likely both be better taken care of since I work so much and she still has yet to get a job... Have I mentioned she moved in with the other guy? suggestions? Dan
dreamingoftigers Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Hey guys, and gals =) So um.. advice? The ex and I each have a dog. I have been taking care of them both this whole time. We both agree that keeping the dogs together is best for them. I'm thinking of letting her have both the dogs, but it's a tough call since I really love my dog... I think they would likely both be better taken care of since I work so much and she still has yet to get a job... Have I mentioned she moved in with the other guy? suggestions? Dan I don't know exactly. But I know that you've lose a lot, losing a dog on top of all of that would suck big time. What kind of dog? If it's a Yorkie, she can have it. If it's a German Shepard, keep it 1
Author WreckedDan Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Well, it's my pit, and her beagle/lab mix. Um, so last night my lady came over and we had a sublime evening. This morning was beautiful to, made breakfast hung out and enjoyed eachother's company. I left for work and she stayed cause she worked two hours later. While I was gone she found and went through a box that I had boxed up way back when the S hit the fan that had all the wedding pics and pics of me and the ex in it.. and um some less dressed pics of the ex. So I get a text from her saying I'm a pig and to go F myself... this day is not good. Sprialing out, Dan
Oberfeldwebel Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Dude you need to pull back on the reigns on this relationship. This is not what you need right now. If she can't be trusted to be in your house without snooping through boxes, then you need to cut her out. This is neither healthy or helpful. 2
Steen719 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Wow...just Wow! She is mad? Tell her to keep her nose out of your personal belongings. I would let her nose stay out of joint. Geez! 1
RightThere Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Sorry Dan, but this one needs to go to the curb along with your ex. 1
worldgonewrong Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 WD: you don't need that craziness in your life. Breath easy. It's not YOUR problem; it's HER problem for snooping. 1
MidwestUSA Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Dude you need to pull back on the reigns on this relationship. This is not what you need right now. If she can't be trusted to be in your house without snooping through boxes, then you need to cut her out. This is neither healthy or helpful. Second this. OMG! Does she think you don't have a past? Snooping is just low. 1
hayewils Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 So its not ok to have a past, a marriage, a child? Where does she think your daughter came from anyway? Wal-mart? What she has done is far out of line.. So she isnt supposed to have old relatioships either right? She either respects where youve been and respect you or, she may continue her search in life.. 1
Author WreckedDan Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Whoa.. I wasn't expecting that. She got upset over seeing a rather risque pic, can't blame her for that. And you guys are right snooping is pretty lame. It wasn't like it was hidden, was sorta just there forgotten. She has since profusely appologized for her explosive behaviour. I'm a little concerned that this may be a disorder or something. She is always sweet, kind, playful and just plain cool, but every once in a while she freakin flips a lid. This is a totally new experience to me so not really prepared with a reaction. I told her if she felt that way, then I would miss her but I understood. By the end of the night she was nack to calling me "bunny" and the next day she showed me how happy she was with me... Dan
revitup Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Brother, the frying pan is empty and the fire has a new occupant! The PMS thing is terrifying to hear for me but that can just be because I lived through the NBPD traits of a STBXWW who went into hyper evil once a month...it would last two weeks sometimes though! Personally, I have never known any other woman to behave as the STBXWW did at the prescribed time of the month and I don't recall ever "knowing" other women I knew were even in that cycle period of time by their evil behavior,only the STBXWW was so in your face different during that time. For me I would put 007 in her place and advise her azz to never again go into my stuff or throw her to the curb now.Most likely the latter,I don't care how much "comfort" she gives you. This may be attributed to my reestablished boundaries,most likely it is just that,but definitely get some ground rules established or else you will regret it later. REVITUP
Author WreckedDan Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 Boundaries have always been a weakness of mine. However I have let her know that I refuse to be treated this way in the future. When we spoke about it she assured me she would "do better". If sonething like this happens again, I will just set her free. I will add that the box was out in the open just set under my bathroom sink (not in a cipboard or anything) so it's not like she was digging... I know I'm just making excuses, but still.. Lol, Dan 1
revitup Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Boundaries have always been a weakness of mine. However I have let her know that I refuse to be treated this way in the future. When we spoke about it she assured me she would "do better". If sonething like this happens again, I will just set her free. I will add that the box was out in the open just set under my bathroom sink (not in a cipboard or anything) so it's not like she was digging... I know I'm just making excuses, but still.. Lol, Dan Yep, REV set tough boundaries all of his life....EXCEPT I allowed my boundaries in regards to my STBXWW to follow a different set of rules,I really think the right woman would never have used this against me.I just didn't pick the right woman. I see some of the right woman qualities in many posters here- I wish I had found a woman like these who likewise have chosen poorly and that way I and they would have been a lot happier! Problem is I like many here have chosen the ones who we least needed,those who made us "feel" some kind of special way. That's why I said I would move fast to get this under control,it's better than waking up beside your own nightmare later. REVITUP 2
dreamingoftigers Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 She called you a pig!? I haven't been watching your thread all that much the last bit (I haven't been around much until recently). How long have you two been together? I smell big trouble brewing. This doesn't sound good at all Dan. And you know as well as anyone that when the lovey feelings start to go, that you're left with a banshee. If you fall in love with a banshee, the banshee will feel good for awhile.....but they're still a banshee. 2
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