Shocked Suzie Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Dan that's just wrong! How dare she go through your personal things and then throw a hissy fit about it! Seriously all sounds a bit heavy way too soon, you don't need that sort of drama so early on and after all the crap you have been through SS x she owes you the apology for snooping 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted November 11, 2013 Author Share Posted November 11, 2013 Yeah, this "banshee" things seems to be way random.. she seems worry of being burned as she has been in the past and leaps to the assumption that I am as bad as people she has known before... We have been together a little over 4 months now. She has her own place but has some things in my home now. My daughter loves her and vise versa. She has apologized both for tge invasion of privacy and for the way she reacted... I'm hoping this is just a ?growing pain? But I am ready to call it quits if I see a trend here.. What she saw was a fairly explicit pic.of me and the ex, and she was worried that I was intentionally keeping mementos of this kind. She is worried that I moght try to rekindle woth the ex as she has encountered such an event in the past... Should I let it slide? I have pretty much let it go for now... ? Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Only you can answer that, you know how you feel about her...I think just be honest and open at all times with each other, just hope you have given yourself enough 'you' time you went from rock bottom to this pretty quickly. Me personally am only just getting to grips with finding 'me' now and it's nearly the 1 year mark. It sounds like you are both being open, don't ignore any gut feelings SS x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Thanks Suzie Yeah, I think that once I hit about 3 months I was able to see through the fog of shock and surprise and look back honestly at what I was losing. Truth be told, the only loss is time with my kiddo and a sort of.. normalcy? routine? saftey? that only comes from years of being with someone.. but I gained the ability to choose... to choose for me and only me, any choice I wanted to make. For the first time I felt free to be me for my sake. That is when my lady and I started hanging out.. I get crushed pretty hard when things go south.. but I heal like a champ! Loves to all LS, Dan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hayewils Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Thanks Suzie Yeah, I think that once I hit about 3 months I was able to see through the fog of shock and surprise and look back honestly at what I was losing. Truth be told, the only loss is time with my kiddo and a sort of.. normalcy? routine? saftey? that only comes from years of being with someone.. but I gained the ability to choose... to choose for me and only me, any choice I wanted to make. For the first time I felt free to be me for my sake. That is when my lady and I started hanging out.. I get crushed pretty hard when things go south.. but I heal like a champ! Loves to all LS, Dan As the saying goes, What doesnt kill ya only makes you stronger Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Yeah Hey, I was thinking the same thing the other day while lifting my truck and one handedly replacing the back tire... lol So, this weekend included; taking my girls to Thor 2, then game night with my friends (one of which brought his daughter to play with mine), followed the next day with rollerskating with my girls then out for Teppen Yaki dinner before my lady went off to work and my daughter went back to her mothers.. this is sorta how all my weekends have been. I'm really quite happy. That is why when the lady flips I am caught so off guard. I really have very little to complain of =) ...but, I am being cautious now and keeping my eyes open for any negative repeats. I won't allow that in my life. Dan Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 To backtrack re the PMS thing- My ex-wife used to become 'el diablo' during that time. I erroneously then assumed that all women became monsters during that time, which - recent experience has shown me - is far from the truth. Thank God. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 5am.. ran out of sleeping pills yesterday.. can't sleep without them. Chillin at home alone. Things are going well. Had a nice texting chat tonight with my lady. Watched a couple movies. I'm sure it's just lack of sleep but melencholy is slipping in. I don't miss the ex any more. Just never been one for the quiet. Side note; I added a pic of me and my buddy on the about me thingy incase anyone wants to put a face to the story. How can one moment seem so different from another.. Dan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Dan, Sweetie, the fact that your life is mostly going positive and there is such hope for you for the future...just gives me hope to. I know it's not going to be perfect and you will have bumps..but you are finding happiness/content and a clearing from the fog and better things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Hey MisA, Yeah, life is not so rough.. just stupid reliance on sleeping pills I got working graveyard shift for so many years. Not a wink last night. Now off to work =) Hope all is well with you! Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted November 28, 2013 Author Share Posted November 28, 2013 Hey guys, Little update, things are going pretty smoothly. My lady has been super chill and is actually intentionally focused on not flipping out, and giving me the benefit of the doubt when things come up. She has admitted that she was being insecure and self conscious. It's great cor me to be able to communicate with her without fear of being judged or worrying that if I say the wrong thing I could lose something... not that I wouldn't miss her if things ended, but having gone through the big fall... seems like I would survive So yeah, Thanksgiving... I work from early till late, my mom died 5yrs ago, my daughter will be enjoying Thanksgiving with the ex at her new man's parents place, my dad who just turned 75 will be in Fiji, and my step dad will be having dinner with his fiancee at a mutual friend's place... it's strange this used to be one of my favorite holidays, now, it's just a other sucky Thursday. I am gonna miss those sandwiches! All in all, things are pretty good though lol, saw Nine Inch Nails the other day (great show), things in general feel much more under control.. I guess I'm posting tonight for the new folks coming into this process... stuff in life sucks but not all of it does all the time. Miss you guys, Dan PS: now I'm hungry, bleh! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Hey Everyone, Today was the day. We went to court and finalized everything. It went smoothly for the most part (one little hiccup due to her stupidity that was easily rectified) After the judge said you are divorced we high fived and I took her to lunch. Everything turned out rather well. It still aches a little once in a while, like a sore knee in the winter, but otherwise I'm coo. Took a lot to get here and LS was a HUGE help. I hope that my story can help people who stumble upon it. Letting go of the need of her was the most important step, it allowed me to forgive her for not being here any more, for leaving in the first place, and it let in the opportunity for me to find happiness. I honestly believe everyone here is capable of surviving this. At one point I would have said it was impossible. It's not! Keep on truckin LS! Dan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 This is awesome. I remember your first posts when you were completely bereft. You are such an inspiration! Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Been a Looooong time since I've been here. This place was a real life saver! Since then I was in a great relatiinship with a young lady, that just recently ended due to us being on different paths (likely due to a huge age gap) things are way smooth now. Once the paperwork part of life gets situated and you settle into new routines it's all so much better. I have to admit getting into a very satisfying realtionship helped a lot. Would have been nice for it to have lasted more than a year and a half, but my experience from the big ex really gave me the strength to deal with the reality that if things aren't working, it's better to allow it to pass ito the past so we can build a stronger future for ourselves. Just wanted to post a little update for any lurkers still around. I really miss the back and forth from this blog, it helped a lot and I made some great (if ephemeral) friends here. 8) WD 1 Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 It's good to know that your life is back on track. And that you've been liberated by the truth. I suspect most people in terrible divorces and affairs suffer terribly because they're afraid to move on. Unfortunately, being stuck in the past doesn't allow you to live for the future. But then again, you got the entire story straight. Many people unfortunately can't get the entire truth about the real nature of their marriages or are too afraid to face it. Life has taught me that when you finally have the guts to face the **** and smell it, you finally see it for what it is. And you move away from it. May you have a fulfilling life from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy1968 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Dan, It's been 8 months for me. Gotta say the best thing is to get out. I always feel much better when I'm out with friends and doing something for me. My Ex and I have been trying to hold on to the connection and it is just not good for anyone. I do alot of yoga, and see alot of live music. Woman are interested in me, not that I'm ready for a relationship yet. But getting out is the way to go. I couldn't get out of bed around the holidays. Same story. The Universe loves you man and you and I will get through this. Your not alone. J Link to post Share on other sites
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