Not sure how to play it

[Dubler]

My girlfriend finished with me around 2 weeks ago tomorrow after 9 months. Her reasoning was that we weren't compatible? I can only take her word for it but that doesn't cut it with me, we were great for 9 months. Would you let it get that long not being sure?

 

Even the night before we were cuddled up in bed and she txt me first thing the next morning at 6am to say thanks for a great night and how much she was looking forward to the weekend when we were going out. It's not delusion on my part, she was happy and then boom she finishes it? I'm not sure what went on.

 

When she ended it I txt her a few times trying to reason with her, ask her what had happened from the night to the next and all the good times from before but she wouldn't really discuss.

 

She's the one for me and I can't feasibly see myself moving on from her, that might sound hard headed but this is the girl I want. I said to her I think you have feelings still and she ignored me?

 

We've not spoken at all this week but at the end of next week I'm gonna get in contact , just casual to wish her luck with a project she is gonna do. How do I play this though? I need her back? She really is the one for me

[aisuru]

Welcome to the club of "they don't want me anymore and it doesn't matter if I want them."

 

The end.

 

Everybody has the freedom of choice to be with who they want to be with.

 

She has that right. You have that right.

 

Nobody will dictate to me who I must be with. I get to choose.

 

DO NOT CONTACT HER. GIVE HER SPACE.

 

Every time you contact her, it's pushing at her. And it causes her to pull away.

[Dubler]

Ok I feel strong about this girl and realise my efforts could be fruitless but I would rather try thank just throw in the towel.

 

My contact would not be an attempt to get her to talk, meet or try and start up a relationship again. It would be a statement for the purpose of showing her I remembered something I know is important to her and I suppose to keep myself marginally on the radar.

 

Still suggest no?

[Antares]

Ok I feel strong about this girl and realise my efforts could be fruitless but I would rather try thank just throw in the towel.

 

My contact would not be an attempt to get her to talk, meet or try and start up a relationship again. It would be a statement for the purpose of showing her I remembered something I know is important to her and I suppose to keep myself marginally on the radar.

 

Still suggest no?

 

Yes it would. And that's exactly how she will see it. Besides causing her to pull away further (read: run even faster away from you), she might also feel a number of things for you, including but not limited to: sadness, anger, pity, sympathy, or pain. These negative emotions will only cause whatever attraction she has left for you to vanish completely. A woman cannot be attracted to you if she pities you.

 

If you continue to chase her now, she will associate these negative emotions to you forever and wonder what she ever saw in you in the first place. I'm guessing when you first met, you were confident, strong, and funny. Those positive feelings will be replaced by the ones you're displaying now.

 

She will wonder why you can't accept her wishes and respect her choice to move on. She will wonder why you cling to a failed relationship. She will wonder why you choose to 'win' her back even though she dumped you. Your status in her eyes will be lowered even more.

 

I know it's hard, man, to accept that someone changed their emotions so quickly and left you in the dust. It's rough.

 

But right now, you must stay in NC. And not break it. Ever. Instead of trying to win her back...you need to win yourself back.

 

Walk away from this relationship with your head held high up and with self respect. Even if it hurts, walk away knowing that a strong person does not beg, plead or chase someone who is running away from them. Show her that you respect her decision by remaining in NC.