OrangeSnack Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Help! This is a long story but I want to keep it short. Recently I have been seeing someone for 3 weeks. Everything has been great. We have a lot of things in common and yet we are so different in terms of personalities and background. But you know what they say, opposite attracts. We go to dinner, movies, drinks, she comes over, I pick her up, we kiss, we fool around, but no intercourse. I'd assume that she's one of those that wants to either wait till we are official or marriage, which I respect. As things are going great, I decided to bake her some chocolate sweets. Along with it, I attached a short and simple note, nothing too punctual or emotional (Believe me, I've written worst letters that were too soon and too quick and I have learned from that mistake). Basically I just said that I made this for you and that your day is almost over, hang in there! Typically I would assume that the gift I have given was at the right time, especially when we are three weeks in. After delivering it to her secretary, I don't hear from her for the next 4 hours. Granted, we talk and text everyday and every hour. It's crazy how much chemistry (I THINK) we have together. But here is the thing that is bothering me THE MOST: she calls me out of the blue around 730pm (4 hours later) sobbing to me and thanking me for the gift. I asked if she was crying and she admitted that she was and that she was with friends and that she can't really talk right about it right now but she will talk to me soon. A few minutes later, I texted her and said "I hope everything is okay, i am here for you if you want to talk about it. Get well Soon" Wow... I have never EVER in my entire life experienced this dramatic turn of events. Am I over my head and thinking too much into this? Was my gift a bad gesture? Was it too soon? I don't want to jump to conclusions but I am just emotionally drained from this and can't stop thinking about it. I know I should have asked her sooner whether this "relationship" could be exclusive but now I have a feeling that she is/was currently seeing multiple people. I know I need to give her space and that she will contact me when the time is right but what are some of your thoughts? Have any of you experienced anything similar to this?
Treasa Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Help! This is a long story but I want to keep it short. Recently I have been seeing someone for 3 weeks. Everything has been great. We have a lot of things in common and yet we are so different in terms of personalities and background. But you know what they say, opposite attracts. We go to dinner, movies, drinks, she comes over, I pick her up, we kiss, we fool around, but no intercourse. I'd assume that she's one of those that wants to either wait till we are official or marriage, which I respect. As things are going great, I decided to bake her some chocolate sweets. Along with it, I attached a short and simple note, nothing too punctual or emotional (Believe me, I've written worst letters that were too soon and too quick and I have learned from that mistake). Basically I just said that I made this for you and that your day is almost over, hang in there! Typically I would assume that the gift I have given was at the right time, especially when we are three weeks in. After delivering it to her secretary, I don't hear from her for the next 4 hours. Granted, we talk and text everyday and every hour. It's crazy how much chemistry (I THINK) we have together. But here is the thing that is bothering me THE MOST: she calls me out of the blue around 730pm (4 hours later) sobbing to me and thanking me for the gift. I asked if she was crying and she admitted that she was and that she was with friends and that she can't really talk right about it right now but she will talk to me soon. A few minutes later, I texted her and said "I hope everything is okay, i am here for you if you want to talk about it. Get well Soon" Wow... I have never EVER in my entire life experienced this dramatic turn of events. Am I over my head and thinking too much into this? Was my gift a bad gesture? Was it too soon? I don't want to jump to conclusions but I am just emotionally drained from this and can't stop thinking about it. I know I should have asked her sooner whether this "relationship" could be exclusive but now I have a feeling that she is/was currently seeing multiple people. I know I need to give her space and that she will contact me when the time is right but what are some of your thoughts? Have any of you experienced anything similar to this? If I'm PMSing, I'm known to cry over sweet gestures, and then gossip with other females about how sweet the male in question is. When did this happen? Have you talked since? I honestly don't have enough information to tell you what I think is going on.
Author OrangeSnack Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Thanks for the reply! It happened yesterday. The whole day we were texting and I was trying to find a reason to give her the gift but she was too swamped with deadlines. So I finally found some time after my conference call to deliver her the goods around 3:30 pm. I thought I would hear from her right away but I didn't hear back until 7:30ish pm. We have not talked ever since nor do I want to talk to her. I did text her after she called me at 7:30pm, wishing her well and that im here for her if she wants to talk. I will try to answer as my questions you may have. Help! Also we were supposed to have a tentative lunch today as well as farmers market in the evening but I don't want to be a pest and I feel that I should wait for her to move the ball.
lamaga Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Maybe she thought the sweets were from someone else? Maybe her ex? Just a very vague suggestions, since the info you gave was kinda vague too...
Author OrangeSnack Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Maybe she thought the sweets were from someone else? Maybe her ex? Just a very vague suggestions, since the info you gave was kinda vague too... Nope :/ I wrote my name and she also called me a few hours later thanking me while she was crying. I was like are you crying? She said she's with friends and she can't talk about it but will tell me soon? What the... Lol
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 You're jumping to all sorts of conclusions based on no information. Please hold your horses. Text and confirm that you are still on for the farmer's market this evening. Try to act normally when you get together. See what she says. Go from there. 1
Author OrangeSnack Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Thank you for all the wonderful replies. I felt compelled to talk to her and was hoping to get an answer from her so I decided to text her to see how things are going and that I hope she is well. She was able to text back right away. "I had a friend pass away. I dont want you to feel bad for me or anything, im dealing with it. I just need to be alone a little awhile, im with my mother and shes kind of pushing me through it. I really dont want to talk about it, im a little down, but just so you know what's going on at least." Wow, what a burden it has been for my shoulder. I feel so bad for her and I basically told her that I'm sorry for your loss and that Ill be here to support you if you need anything etc etc. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? What are your thoughts and suggestions? Obviously she has asked for space, which I respect and will give, but is there a definite time frame when she will open up to me?
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 How awful! Give her space. Not sure how often you had been communicating, but assuming daily, then maybe wait 4 days. Send her a text at that point that your thoughts are with her, and you're more than willing to help in anyway she needs. After that, I would wait for her to contact you.
Lani Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 That is really awful, the poor girl. Give her some space, as she's requested. Give her a few days, and then send her a message saying you're thinking of her. Don't ask questions, so she has no need to respond, but just to let her know you're still there. It's a tough thing to happen so early in your relationship, but you need to give her what she needs. And that is space. It'll be difficult because you want to be there for her, but that's not what she wants for whatever reason. Respect her for how she wants to grieve.
shexy Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 So you don't know why she was crying? Maybe her crying had nothing to do with the gift you gave her at all. Maybe she had a ****ty day at work, or something horrible happened at work. Maybe someone she knows died? Maybe it's 100000 different things that have nothing to do with you or the gift.
Author OrangeSnack Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 So you don't know why she was crying? Maybe her crying had nothing to do with the gift you gave her at all. Maybe she had a ****ty day at work, or something horrible happened at work. Maybe someone she knows died? Maybe it's 100000 different things that have nothing to do with you or the gift. Thanks for the wakeup call! I know it's not a good thing to jump to conclusions but as human beings we are all inclined to do so. I think this experience has taught me a lot about myself and I am very grateful for your comment Thank you all and thank you to the loveshack community.
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