Phantom888 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I'm a 38 year old man...experienced in life, and previously married for 12 years. I find the dating scene to be so different from when I was in my early 20s, so I'm basically learning from scratch again. Had an amazing 1st date on Monday. The 2nd date is scheduled for this Sunday night. There was so much intense chemistry during 1st date that we kissed for 90+ minutes, and almost had sex. We decided to wait because we really like each other, and want a truly meaningful relationship down the road. We text and chat briefly every day since. We've both expressed that we can't wait for Sunday to arrive. For some reason I'm getting really nervous and anxious. Never felt this way before...especially at my age. I text her about once every 3-4 hours during the day, and she would respond back quickly. I email her every other day. Call her to say good night. I worry that I contact her too much, and I even told her please tell me if I bug you too much (jokingly). She initiates contact 50% of the time. I know she really likes me. During our date she expressed how much she liked me, and how much she loves my looks. I just worry that feelings would deteriorate quickly between 1st and 2nd date for no reason. I know she probably still talks to people on Match site, but she also told me it's very rare for her to have such a strong connection with a new man, and that she was so glad we liked each other. This antsy feeling before the 2nd date....normal?
CherryT Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Let her actions speak for themselves. She's initiating contact 50% of the time... that seems good to me! I think it's really nice when you have that nervous anxious feeling. It's new, fresh and exciting. You like her, but you're not ready to commit yet but it's going a good pace. You're also probably getting those feelings because you really see a potential relationship in the future... and you already have it in your mind that you want it to go there so you don't want to mess it up. I understand this... my BF and I met on vacation. We spent a lovely few days with one another until we both had to go back home. We're 3 hours (by plane) away from each other and I remember the first time he came to visit me. We were not yet exclusie and I was so nervous and antsy that things would be different and that I would be left disappointed if it didn't flourish like I thought it would. Needless to say, it's been great ever since. We're planning on closing the distance and getting married. I say keep up the contact. When a woman likes you, they don't mind hearing from you. When my bf and I started dating, he would contact me on a daily basis and it was very much 50/50 initiation because we both just wanted to hear from each other. It really set a pace for our relationship and communication is great. Even though you talk to her often, sometimes you can change it up. In the beginning my bf was concerned of telling me EVERY little detail of his life... he didn't want to scare me away by boring me with things that happened at work. He had no idea that I'd listen to him reading a phonebook because I was so captivated by him. Communication is so important in a relationship. You're establishing an interest and by you communicating with her is showing effort. It's a good thing Edited May 30, 2013 by CherryT 1
therhythm Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Actually I love your post man, I think it is cute the way you live dating at 48. I wish I would find someone who would make me feel that way. 2
Author Phantom888 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Actually I love your post man, I think it is cute the way you live dating at 48. I wish I would find someone who would make me feel that way. 38! I'm not an old geezer yet. Speaking of 48, the time when I was having non-emotional sex with different women, I slept with a 48 year old woman, and she kept on wanting to spend the night. She was pretty, but not my type. 1
shexy Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 :-) That's awesome.....I'd love to find someone I connect that well with! 2
BluEyeL Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 It is fabulous that you feel that way. It is normal when you like someone that much. Happy for you. And envious! Hope it goes really well!
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're doing EXCEPT calling her every night to say goodnight. That's a little much; it's "relationship-y" behavior, not post-first date behavior. Give yourself time to actually BE in a relationship before you start acting like you're in one.
Author Phantom888 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I just called her to say good night, and ended up chatting for 1.5 hrs, and also nailed down a 3rd date (next Tuesday). So I have 2 dates to look forward to. I offered to take her to an expensive restaurant ($80 - $100 per person) this Sunday, but I get the sense she wants to steer me away from spending so much on dinner so early. She says it doesn't matter where we go as long as we can spend time together. Now I'm nervous because why doesn't she want me to take her to a fancy restaurant? We are both high executives in our fields, so this isn't gonna break my wallet. Ladies, what's wrong with going to a fancy restaurant on a 2nd date with a man you definitely like???
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I just called her to say good night, and ended up chatting for 1.5 hrs, and also nailed down a 3rd date (next Tuesday). So I have 2 dates to look forward to. I offered to take her to an expensive restaurant ($80 - $100 per person) this Sunday, but I get the sense she wants to steer me away from spending so much on dinner so early. She says it doesn't matter where we go as long as we can spend time together. Now I'm nervous because why doesn't she want me to take her to a fancy restaurant? We are both high executives in our fields, so this isn't gonna break my wallet. Ladies, what's wrong with going to a fancy restaurant on a 2nd date with a man you definitely like??? Did you read my post above? You're putting too much pressure on her and the situation. Chill out or you're gonna push her away fast. 2
PogoStick Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Expensive date = higher expectations. She might have just as much fun seeing a local band at a dive bar, or a walk in the park. Think how much less pressure it would be to hop on a swing.
daisybuchanan55 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I don't think the cost of the place is the problem...just make sure it isn't too intense of an atmosphere. I'd be weirded out if a guy took me to a SUPER romantic place as a second date. Candles, lots of other couples, etc. On the other hand, you can go to a trendy, expensive restaurant with groups of friends, cool decor etc. that will still be a super nice experience without being too love-y. Off-topic question, though...I NEVER initiate contact in the beginning, and here I'm hearing from a 38-year-old guy that he likes hearing from the girl!? Woahhh...this is blowing my mind! I always leave it up to the guy to do the contacting but now I'm starting to think that maybe I gave guys the impression I wasn't into them??
therhythm Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Did you read my post above? You're putting too much pressure on her and the situation. Chill out or you're gonna push her away fast. Yep slow down a bit (just a bit), you can weird her out if you come to strong at the beginning. You are already in the game so just chill and enjoy the dates... the rest will come by itself! 2
Author Phantom888 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I don't think the cost of the place is the problem...just make sure it isn't too intense of an atmosphere. I'd be weirded out if a guy took me to a SUPER romantic place as a second date. Candles, lots of other couples, etc. On the other hand, you can go to a trendy, expensive restaurant with groups of friends, cool decor etc. that will still be a super nice experience without being too love-y. Off-topic question, though...I NEVER initiate contact in the beginning, and here I'm hearing from a 38-year-old guy that he likes hearing from the girl!? Woahhh...this is blowing my mind! I always leave it up to the guy to do the contacting but now I'm starting to think that maybe I gave guys the impression I wasn't into them?? This is a Brazilian BBQ dinning experience where they come up to your table with swords of meat, and carve as much steak, sausages, chicken or whatever you want. It's festive, fun, and really great. She has been there before, but I haven't. I get the sense she would even skip dinner as long as we are together, so maybe dinner isn't the main focus on her mind. I just want to make sure we enjoy the evening that includes good food. She told me she loves steak, and that's why I got that idea. I'll make other suggestions and maybe save this for a special occasion? As for the OFF TOPIC question: I think this depends on the individual and level of interest. Some guys are more romantic than others. I get SO HAPPY when the lady of interest contacts me because I love hearing from her. My heart does flip-flops when she tells me "I can't wait to see you again." So ya guys like to hear from girls they really dig.
ReelAhdvice Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I'm a 38 year old man...experienced in life, and previously married for 12 years. I find the dating scene to be so different from when I was in my early 20s, so I'm basically learning from scratch again. Had an amazing 1st date on Monday. The 2nd date is scheduled for this Sunday night. There was so much intense chemistry during 1st date that we kissed for 90+ minutes, and almost had sex. We decided to wait because we really like each other, and want a truly meaningful relationship down the road. We text and chat briefly every day since. We've both expressed that we can't wait for Sunday to arrive. For some reason I'm getting really nervous and anxious. Never felt this way before...especially at my age. I text her about once every 3-4 hours during the day, and she would respond back quickly. I email her every other day. Call her to say good night. I worry that I contact her too much, and I even told her please tell me if I bug you too much (jokingly). She initiates contact 50% of the time. I know she really likes me. During our date she expressed how much she liked me, and how much she loves my looks. I just worry that feelings would deteriorate quickly between 1st and 2nd date for no reason. I know she probably still talks to people on Match site, but she also told me it's very rare for her to have such a strong connection with a new man, and that she was so glad we liked each other. This antsy feeling before the 2nd date....normal? Sounds like the 1st date will turn into something. date jitters are ok. Hopefully the 2nd date does smoothly.
BluEyeL Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 This is a Brazilian BBQ dinning experience where they come up to your table with swords of meat, and carve as much steak, sausages, chicken or whatever you want. It's festive, fun, and really great. She has been there before, but I haven't. I get the sense she would even skip dinner as long as we are together, so maybe dinner isn't the main focus on her mind. I just want to make sure we enjoy the evening that includes good food. She told me she loves steak, and that's why I got that idea. I'll make other suggestions and maybe save this for a special occasion? As for the OFF TOPIC question: I think this depends on the individual and level of interest. Some guys are more romantic than others. I get SO HAPPY when the lady of interest contacts me because I love hearing from her. My heart does flip-flops when she tells me "I can't wait to see you again." So ya guys like to hear from girls they really dig. Whoa, Brazilian steakhouses mean a lot of eating! Maybe she doesn't want to eat so much and fall asleep after It doesn't matter, don't overanalyze. She just doesn't feel like Brazilian steakhouse, wants maybe something more low key and more intimate, just leave it at that. 1
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