Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I'm 21 hes 22 its not that im not ready for a relationship i just dont want to rush one. I would like to know someone before letting my guard down. ( i rushed with my ex) well he eventually replied to my text apologizing saying "i was sleeping" nothing about liking me he said this at 2 am. I know he was not sleeping as i seen him online on the dating site. i know it seems like i play the games but he does. I told him im moving on lol so well see. This just doesnt seem to be working. oh well.
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I had opened up to him prior to meeting on the phone when we were gonna be just friends. The first time we hungout was like 12 hours the second was like 17. Im not making excuses here, but i see what youre saying ill be more careful next time. i had only been out of my relationship for a month when we started talking not a smart move on my part
Treasa Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 You are being so anxious and clingy that you're starting to make ME anxious. You slept with him. You said you don't want to rush a relationship. You got what you wanted. He's also allowed to get what he wants, which includes other girls. He's not in a relationship, either. If the sleeping with a guy part is an issue, stop sleeping with guys before you get into a relationship or even know if you want to be in one. If you're ok with having sex with no relationship, then keep at it, but don't get huffy because a guy who isn't your boyfriend isn't responding to the snap of your fingers.
clia Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 You are all over the place. Do you even know what you want? Because you claim you don't want a relationship, but the way you are acting toward him is the complete opposite of that.
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I know i seem clingy but for the first 2 weeks was constant phone calls and texting. i guess thats why im trippin lol. hes playing games, and im gonna just move on and learn from my mistakes...
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I WANT a relationship lol just not right away jeez.
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I told him i didnt want to sleep with him and i did stupidly. this is why i obviously take sex as a bigger deal than it is...
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I was vulnerable, im not saying none of this is my fault. i accept it is a lot my fault. but hes been sending mixed signals since day one, i shouldve been straight up from the get go, as he shouldve. lesson learned
Treasa Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I was vulnerable, im not saying none of this is my fault. i accept it is a lot my fault. but hes been sending mixed signals since day one, i shouldve been straight up from the get go, as he shouldve. lesson learned "Should" is a word that is hard when it comes to other people. People are going to behave according to their own beliefs, not yours. Same with you. It doesn't matter how you feel they "should" act, and those expectations will likely cause you problems in the future. You might be better off accepting that you can only control what you do. You might want to let this one go and stop contacting him.
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Thats what im doing. hence telling him im "moving on"
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Haha he just said "haha move on from what we didnt break up this is a friendship i would like to continue" Should i say "obviously i cant handle just being your friend, so its for the best" Or what should i say? Haha
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Or i was thinking of saying "obviously i cant just be your friend without having feelings involved so maybe its for the best"
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 He's totally right. Move on from what? You're acting like you invested so much into this. You barely know the guy and your dramatic "oh well just move on" is ridiculous. You must care more about yourself than some dude you just met? Why is it so hard for you to just chill out and let things go? I understand that you may have liked him and wanted to see where it went... well your actions probably freaked him out. You keep trying to control the outcome "he should have done this" etc. He should do whatever he wants and that's what he did... but it's not what YOU want. You want him to chase you and if he's not chasing you, he's playing games. It's not him who can't act like a friend, it's you. You are expecting him to treat you like his girl but you're not ready to rush into a relationship. If this guy is remotely sane, I guarantee you that you have already lost him long ago and there's no chance. 1
CarrieT Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Oy vey.... This "obviously I can't be your friend" is doing the passive/aggressive thing again! Why don't you just respond in the lines of, "yeah, I'd like to see you again" and STOP over-analyzing and just get to know each other???? 1
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Okay which is why i told him moving on is for the best because i have feelings involved, i obviously am not able to handle it. its for both of our benefit
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 If this is how you act after 2 dates, you will have a long road ahead of you. Take some time to think about what you want... How do you develop such feelings for someone after seeing them twice? You're all over the place. Great relationships aren't just two people who are romantically involved. They tend to be great friends too. 1
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 I never said he has to treat me as his girl. I just dont really see this going anywhere with all the mixed signals. i am moving on so i dont have to act like this, and so he doesnt have to deal with it.
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Its not just the 2 dates its the hours and hours of phone calls we exchanged too. I shouldntve done this. i am not right in my head i have major trust issues as you can tell, i was in an abusive relationship, and the first guy i gave my heart to broke it (my ex) so yeah i guess i over analyze...
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I never said he has to treat me as his girl. I just dont really see this going anywhere with all the mixed signals. i am moving on so i dont have to act like this, and so he doesnt have to deal with it. This ties back to what we've all been trying to get you to understand since your original post. Be more aware of what your actions say and not what your words say. By you freaking out on him about him not responding or him ignoring you is similar to how a girlfriend would get when their boyfriend is MIA. You don't have to say that he has to treat you like his girl, but your actions do. 1
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 My ex was not the abuser, he was after the fact..
CarrieT Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 You have serious issues about self-worth don't you, OP? It is screaming through in your messages and indicates you should wait a long, long time before dating again. You easily started having feelings for this guy right off the bat and are playing the drama queen act of pulling him closer and pushing him away. Stay off the online dating sites.
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Its not just the 2 dates its the hours and hours of phone calls we exchanged too. I shouldntve done this. i am not right in my head i have major trust issues as you can tell, i was in an abusive relationship, and the first guy i gave my heart to broke it (my ex) so yeah i guess i over analyze... Don't get down on yourself. Just be aware of your own actions and your own expectations and accept some of the advice that was said here and progress as a more independent, secure person. My ex was abusive too and cheated on me, but there's life after crap relationships. I also vow'd I'd never put up with that crap and became the girl who was single for 4 years because I kept saying no to relationships. You're only punishing yourself by keeping that baggage. People think it's unusual for a 20 something year old to spend that much time in their 20's single... well I wanted to work on me and give myself something that no one else could (a great career, the opportunity to start my own business, and create some real success for myself). I felt great about who I was, after working on myself when I met my current boyfriend who will be the man I will marry.
Author undergroundlife13 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Yeah i know, one day i may be ready but my issues interfere i shouldve just let things prigress. i told him all this before we met tho so hopefully he somewhat understands. if i were him id stay away haha, so i dont blame him.
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