my g/f slept with my friend do i even bother chasin her?

[mysticalpuzzle]

[font=arial][/font][color=blue][/color]My g/f of 2yrs became my ex when she slept with my friend (Friend X) about 3 months ago. Fair enough i hadn't seen her for a week (oh no!) but i had university exams. She knew she was about to get a couple of weeks of me all to herself after exams but she still did it! Anyway, I spent about month and a half trying to move past it and forgive her and redevelop some trust. During this time she was just as hopeful for a makeup-and-move-on as i was. Just when i thought things were coming together, she didn't call me for a week which i accepted because she had said she needed space and time to think. At the end of that week, i discovered to my horror that she had been spending lots of time with another of my friends (Friend Y), which culminated in them kissing on her flat mate's bed (does she have respect for anyone???). By the way, the living arrangement is g/f ------ flatmate boy---------flatmate girl.

I live by myself. And Friend Y lives at home.

 

I was massively peaved, and i went around there and put it to her that she is a girl of very loose morals (perhaps not said quite as nicely as that). She got pretty upset at that, but i had been walked all over i had to say something.

 

In the month since then she has asked me not to contact her, (though we have seen each other again several times in the last week or so). That distancing was hard. But i respsected her wishes. Meanwhile friend Y has been around there constantly cos he is friends with flatmate boy aswell.

Now she thinks she feels something for friend Y but i know what he is looking for and anyone can see that he has just bent the situation to his advantage.

 

It has been hard, soooo hard, because this is my first love so to speak, and the break up has been horrendously painful. I think i have finally accepted that we are broken up, but it only takes hearing about her or seeing or for a few minutes and i start to lose it. I think i am nearly over her but its just so sad to see all our wonderful past go down the drain.

 

My question, at long last, is what should i be considering while deciding whether to pursue any kind of relationship with this girl? If she couldn't

a) respect our intimacy cos she cheated with friend X, and

b) have the decency to tell me there was another possibility on the horizon when she knew it would kill me,

is it worth worrying about. Or do i pull myself together, tell myself that there will be others, and get on with my life.

 

The other thing is because I have only ever been with one person - HER - physically, and because we had a pretty awesome sexual relationship, I am kinda scared that i wont find anyone like her. Meanwhile, because i am so shocked at what she did, i constantly feel like she is out there finding as many guys as she can. I know i'm a pretty reasonable guy, and that there are girls out there, but the whole thing has really given me a big self confidence blow. I don't know why i cant let it go!

 

HELP!

[Papillon]

Two things:

 

1) Your ex-girlfriend was not a girfriend's arse.

2) Your ex-friend was not a friend's arse.

 

Sounds like Sh*t Towne to me. Just pass on through.

[mysticalpuzzle]

Thanks Papillon, you put it so simply LOL. Thats what peeps have been tellin' me, and it sounds like great advice to me!

[Starnette83]

YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND SHOULD REAMAIN YOUR EX!!

 

she does not deserve you AT ALL, u shouldnt even think nice things about her after what she has done, SHE SLEPT WITH ANOTHER GUY!!! that is the worse thing someone can do in my opinion, especially taking for granted 2 years 1/2 of being with u...she doesnt even deserve u as a friend,....

 

I think that she takes u for granted because u LET HER, ure still being sympathetic after the horrendous thing she has done, she obviously can see that she can do basically anyting and u will still be climbing the walls for her, this only makes her want u less and less...

show her that you HAVE SOME DIGNITY, self respect and confidence..even if u have to fake it, but PLEASE dont contact her..and if she calls dont pick up, cant u see she has ****ed uP?? u need to be MAD!!!

 

i know it hurts, especially cuz this is the first chick in ure life, and physical..but trust me u should just go and explore now that u are young....do u even wanna marry her now in the future? imagine marrying someone who has cheated, would u even feel ok being married to soemone that way, who when ure at work, who knows who she brings to your bed..think abotu that man!!!

 

SO many cool, sweet, sexual chicks out there who will respect u, and not cheat on u....

 

Ive been with my bf for almost 4 years and he was my first physical and i was his too, i would NEVER have sex with anyone else, cuz i know that be the worse thing i could ever do...and i know that he would dump me for good, i think what keeps me so into my b/f despite the long time....is that hes very confident! confidence is a turn on and keeps a person interested, if she sees she can walk allover u it makes u look weak, and girls dont like weak guys....

i bet that if she sees u not caring and maybe even with soemonee else she will be so sorrrrrry for what she did...but screw that, listen to EAMON "DONT WANT YOU BACK" download the video...sounds like ure situation!!

 

peace

[mysticalpuzzle]

Starnette thanks for that. When other people tell it back to me I kind of realise just what the situation was/now is. Its true, I was climbing the walls for her after the break up, I felt pretty horrible that i was reduced to doing that, cos then when she'd say "Oh I need time to myself" it would just hurt me more. Having been the first time, I have found it so hard, and i'm one of these people that thinks about stuff WAAYYYYY to much! But you're right when you say there are others, i just have to take off my rose coloured glasses and see all the decent girls around : ) And i have to wake up and have some confidence in myself. Who needs people bringing you down like right?

Mysticalpuzzle

[Weird]

what a cunt

[fredrolin]

I think you, friend x, and friend y, and this slut should have some group sex. Make sure you wear a condom, I'm sure there have been many more men in her life.

 

I'm sure she would love it.

 

Then go find a real woman.

[lemur5555]

no matter how great the physical part of your relationship was, don't give in to her on that level. it just gives her positive reinforcement that she can get away with actions like that with you, which will make her respect you less in the long run.

 

let your ex friend and your ex girlfriend chill together and mess up each other's lives and you can go meet someone 1,000,000x better, in and out of bed.

 

one of the best things about meeting someone new and falling for them is figuring out what makes them crazy physically, which makes it that much better for both of you...and being in a relationship that has not been tainted with mistrust on such a personal level, sleeping with one of your friends... ugh!

 

nuf said... good luck!

[mysticalpuzzle]

[font=arial]There's always one....LOL Fredrolin...

 

Lemur I thought about that part a while ago i.e. discovering new partners pleasures and it just made me upset and i didn't really feel like i had the energy to go through that whole learning process again. Plus i was still missin her like crazy.

BUT...

Now having had some time to really put some distance between, the thought of new girl, new interests and new experiences is definately something i am looking forward to and infact i had forgotten how fun that can be.

AND

It would be nice to have a fresh r'ship, not one where i am trying to sweep lies and deceit under the rug.

 

I have to say that - and maybe i am just a bit naive - i am little confused as to the world of sex.

In the wide open world, everyone is drinkin and sleepin with everyone else, and hey i say if it feels good then they can go for it. But then when you cross over into relationship land, the 'rules' are written all along the boundary fence that say you should respect your partner and their emotions. And of course if you love your partner you're not supposed to want to upset them by cheating even if you're starved for sex. I am a big supporter of these moral values.

BUT...

then if my g/f of nearly 2 1/2 yrs can just go and sleep with someone else after so long, it kind of destroys your faith in human values. I can't even begin to work out how much time i have had to spend coming to terms with her actions. When i do find a new partner, i don't want to be carrying all this distrust baggage. I don't care what people do when they're single, but as soon as there is any sort of commitment from two people to each other, they should have the courage to at least face up and break it off with the other person BEFORE they sleep around, and also if they make that choice, then they should stick to their guns and get the hell out the other persons life until feelings have been settled, and that means NOT FINDING MORE OF MY FRIENDS TO SCREW WITH!

 

 

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[lemur5555]

it's so refreshing to hear a guy speak/write of morals and values... from the female side of the fence, it seems like all guys are out for is the next opportunity to get in whoever will let them's pants! don't change the way you are, you are not naive...you sound like a smart guy with your head on straight. you have no idea how many women in the world would not only dig meeting someone like you, but would really value the way you think and not treat you with such disrespect.

 

i know we are animals of this earth with many actions based on instinct, but weren't we given larger brains and the ability to communicate beyond the other creatures for a reason? i have never understood the whole partying and hooking up with whoever/whenever. it boggles my mind. i'm with you, i don't get i and don't take a part in it. however, there is a time and place for almost anything... there are times when you might just date, with the unstated "rules" that it's just a casual let's hang out vibe, then there are other times where without warning two people become intimately involved and some universal unspoken book of relationship rules is imposed on both people... the problem i have found is when that first relationship bump is hit and you realize you don't see eye-to-eye on what each perceives to be the universal set of those rules. but you are then too deep in the relationship to rewind to take it back to grade school level basic communication to see just exactly how your partner thinks the "rules" are, if any.

 

one of the best relationships i have been in, which also ended well for both of us in a respectful way, was one which caught me totally off-guard when he asked me to define out loud what the term "boyfriend" meant (as well as other general terms) and we actually discussed what being in an exclusive monogamous relationship meant to each of us, with a couple of what-if scenarios thrown in. it may seem way too structured or anal retentive to do something like that, or maybe even embarrassing to do so, but it really got the relationship off to a good start with a lot of trust. then as the relationship progressed it seemed like it allowed for deeper communication on other subjects, because we had created our own rules that we didn't have to second guess, so we could move on to bigger and better concerns. (and no, i am no longer with this person...he wanted to be married in a specific amount of time with kids in 3 years and i wasn't ready for that just yet...but we did have a great relationship for 1 1/2 years without any jealousy/trust issues.)

 

blah, blah... i am not on a soap box here, believe me i just got out of a relationship where the guy actually got angry with me, because i had a strange feeling he had been with someone else recently. he assured me, for about 30 minutes about what a ridiculous suspicion i was having... and you know what? the next day, he had said i could use his digital camera to take some photos of this cool industrial area (i do graphics work and certain things inspire me, so digital cameras are great to capture the reference to use later). i turned it on and the card was full, well, naturally after being with him for 2 years, i didn't think it was an invasion of his privacy to see that i wasn't going to delete anything important. to my surprise, i found what had been recorded last was a digital video of, yes, you guessed it... him having sex, unprotected i might add, with someone else. doh! unbelievable! no, we are no longer together...there was absolutely nothing

 

so, trust, gone out the door. and i get the visual, not to mention audio stuck in my head forever. the fact that he lied to my face about being with someone else was bad enough, but to see it in my face the next day - whether it was intentionally left on the camera for me to find, i'll never know and actually don't want to at this point. i don't know when i will trust someone enough again to actually be in a relationship again.

 

stay the way you are, don't be confused about that! respect women (and yourself), treat people the way you wish to be treated, keep your strong sense of moral obligation, it's admirable and desired by most chicks out there...

[bamaguy20]

ill be honest with you, back in high school, i had sex with my best friends girlfriend..i was 17 and it was a piece of **** move that ir egret...but really...this girl had a habit of sleepin around on him..im not a bad guy, ive been goin through a tough break up for the past 8 months where i got ****ed over....im a good guy, and your friend who did this probably is too, he just made a mistake..the girl on the other hand, if this is totally uncharacteristic of her, give her another chance...my friends girl..this was common and he kept goin back to her...however me n him are still best friends and just got back from a bar together...the situation of how this happened is key, rely on that to make your judgement.

[Weird]

yeah us guys with morals and values are apparently not that common. But what happens? we get jerked around.

 

Love it:(